Hasbro announced that after nearly 80 years, they’re replacing the miniature “Iron” game piece in Monoply sets with a cat to make the came more “relevant” to today’s young people. 

- If they want to make it more relevant, don’t use a cat…use a miniature video game controller. 

- In a related story, the “Community Chest” card will now feature the picture of a porn star with fake boobs. 

***** 

The Post Office announced that to save money, they plan to end Saturday mail delivery. 

- Great! Now I’m not going to get the flyer announcing Gardner White’s “Super Sunday Everything-Must-Go Sale” until Monday. 

- So a stamp may be “Forever”…but Saturday delivery? Not so much. 

***** 

Gun enthusiasts say the photo of President Obama skeet shooting is a fake because the gun is pointed eye-high. 

- In Washington, “skeet” is another word for “John Boehner”.  

***** 

A new smart phone app is being developed that would allow your plants to “talk” to you and remind you water them. 

- Of course if you own a Cactus plant don’t expect to hear from it anytime soon. 

- This is way better than the “Venus Fly App” that reminds your plant to eat your hand if you don’t water it. 

***** 

CBS issued a warning to performers on Sunday’s Grammy Awards not to wear clothing that exposes genitals, buttocks or boobs. 

- Lady Gaga has assured them that her sirloin dress will cover all the important parts. 

- So Kanye West will be allowed to make an ass of himself…he just can’t show his on camera. 

***** 

Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco announced that his wife is pregnant. 

- So apparently he’s got more than a great arm. 

- He also announced that Beyonce will be performing between the the second and third trimesters. 

- It’s gonna be a little weird when he makes all the dads slap each other on the butt after LaMazze class. 

***** 

The NFL hasn’t decided if there will be a halftime show during next year’s Super Bowl because for the first time, the game will be played in a cold climate in a uncovered stadium. 

- Instead of a halftime show they can just have a hockey game. 

***** 

On this day in 1943, Shoe rationing was announced in America during WWII. It limited civilians to three pair of shoes per year. 

- People told the government to “put a sock in it!”

- The only person non-affected by the move was “Shoeless Joe Jackson”. 

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday with an all-new Podcast (#73)!

-Dick

 

 

 

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