It Goes Over Great In the Talent Competition…
18-year-old Laura Copeland has an unusual duel ambition: She hopes to win the beauty pageant she’s in and also become a mortician. She’s says due to working part time at a funeral home, she already has many of the skills needed, such as styling hair and make-up on dead people, which also come in handy for beauty pageants.
Except the dead people are usually, but not necessarily, more lifelike than the beauty queens.
When the “Antiques Roadshow” Goes Bad
70-year-old John Joslin of California is facing charges of assault with a deadly weapon for allegedly trying to keep a 64-year-old man from beating him to a yard sale. The Sheriff said both men arrived early to the sale and were walking up the long driveway when Joslin tried to get there first by tripping the other man, and when that didn’t work, by hitting him over the head with a five-pound, cast iron cornbread pan.
You always want to be first in line at a yard sale! That way you can buy the best junk and leave the really crappy junk for the other guys.
The victim dropped the charges after the 70-year-old sold him the cornbread pan for a buck-and-a-half.
Victorian Secret
Men might be happy that “Mad Men” has brought female curves back in style, but they might not be so happy that it’s also causing a surge in “Granny Panties”. Apparently women want “more coverage in their underwear” beneath their micro-mini skirts and shorts. Experts say G-Strings can’t give you accentuated curves - for that you need high waisted, old-style panties that pull in your waist. But they warn they must be snug not saggy, because you don’t want to look like you threw on “nana’s curtains.”
Why not? Grandpa apparently found them pretty sexy. If he hadn’t, chances are you wouldn’t be here today!
“Going” Once… “Going” Twice…
Saturday in London, John Lennon’s old toilet sold at auction for $14,740 US…10 times the pre-sale estimate. He used it from 1969 to 1971.
It’s the toilet that dozens of famous guests threw up in after having to listen to Yoko sing after dinner!
The new owner has reported nicknamed the commode: “Let it Pee”.
Father Knows Best?
Lindsay Lohan’s estranged Dad, Michael Lohan, is moving to California to open his own drug and alcohol rehab clinic.
So if you have drug and booze problems… see Michael and let him do for you what he’s done for his daughter!
Long Live the King!
Other economic indicators are weak, but Elvis impersonators are looking up. The Manager of The Doo Wop Shop music store in Louisville, Kentucky says that he’d seen no Elvis impersonators in a year, then last week two came in for paraphernalia. And that’s a sign that the party business is coming back.
So it looks like its time to sell your stocks and bonds and invest in companies that make rhinestones, blue suede shoes and jumpsuits with huge collars.
The guy next-door at the Sandwich shop disagrees, saying sales of peanut butter and nana sandwiches are still as flat as last year.
They Thought He Had A Screw Loose…
On this day in 1842 a man was granted a patent for a machine that made nuts and bolts. That, of course, begs the question… What did he put the machine together with?
Have a great day and we’ll see you back here tomorrow!
- Dick