Reach Out And Hit Someone…
An 84 year old Eastpointe man is facing an assault charge after hitting the citie’s police chief in the head with a cell phone during a city council meeting Tuesday night. Octogenarian Frank Zundl Jr. was shouting obscenities at the city council members when officers tried to remove him. That’s when he whacked the chief, drawing blood.
Where was this guy when we needed him? When Monica Conyers was on the Detroit City Council… (“Shrek! Shrek!” Ah, the good old days!)
He can always get a job as Russell Crowe’s official cell-phone thrower.
“Gee That Verdict Smells Horrific!”
The big trial of the summer – former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich’s trial ended in an anti-climax. The jury found him guilty of just one of 24 charges – lying to the FBI - and deadlocked on the rest. The judge declared a mistrial on the other 23 charges and Prosecutors plan to appeal immediately.
OMG! He lied to the FBI? That SOB!
Blago’s excited about the prospect of another trial. He loves showing off his hair during the “perp walk”.
Besides lying to the FBI the only other unanimous verdict by the jury was directed at Blago’s barber…uh… hair stylist.
It’s Okay to be “Medal”-some…
Yesterday, a San Francisco appeals court struck down the federal Stolen Valor Act that made it a crime to falsely claim to be medal-winning military veteran. The case centered around a local water board member who lied about winning the Congressional Medal of Honor. The Court said they weren’t endorsing an “unbridled right to lie,” but ruled that it was “not evident” that any harm was caused by such lies, so they were protected free speech.
Okay then. Did I tell you about the time I came within inches of taking out Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong Il by planting a bomb in their elevator shoes? Unfortunately they were duds… the bombs and the targets!
What a Tool!
British cricket star Graeme Swann was charged with drunk driving but gave the world a whole new excuse for DUI. He said it was unavoidable because after returning home from drinking with friends, he found his cat trapped under the floorboards. He claimed he had to drive to the store to buy some screwdrivers to rescue it.
Sounds like he drank a few screwdrivers, too! In fact it sounds like he was hammered.
Even the District Court of Appeals in San Francisco would have found him guilty on this one.
The Doctor is Out
After a week of controversy over her repeated use of the “N-Word” to a radio caller, Dr. Laura announced that she is giving-up her talk show at the end of this year.
She and Mel Gibson will team-up to do a morning show called “Wake Up You Mother %$#*&@’s”
Let Them Eat Cake!
And a big Happy Birthday today to one of the biggest heartthrobs of the 1970’s, Robert Redford. He’s 73. (I can never remember if he was Butch Cassidy or the Sundance Kid. And at 73, chances are neither can he).
And Roman Polanski turns 77 today. But he still feels like a 13 year old. He’ll mark the occasion by taking his current girlfriend to dinner tonight at Chuck E. Cheese.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow!
- Dick