Kwame + Two Cops May = Another Text Message Scandal!
Detroit’s two top cops, the recently dismissed Warren Evans and his replacement acting Chief of Police Ralph Godbee are, or have been, involved with the same woman, Detroit Police Lt. Monique Patterson. It all came out when in a possible effort to get more money in his termination settlement from the city, Evans’ attorney went public about text messages between Godbee and the woman who happens to be Evans current girlfriend.
This Patterson chick is starting to make Christine Beatty look like a piker!
Who can blame her? Don’t all women have a thing for a man in a uniform?
Just Say Yes!
A new study out of Scotland found that one of the best ways to fight aging is to have sex. Lots of it. Researchers say it not only boosts immunity and fights heart disease, but the sweat released during sex releases oils that hydrate the skin and make it glow. As for the big “O”… It releases hormones that relieve stress and can actually prevent wrinkles. They concluded that sex three times a week can make you look four years younger.
This explains why Helen Thomas looks like she does. She’s actually only 35.
The study was conducted by the “Institute for Thinking Up More Ways To Get Women To Say Yes To Sex”.
If Justin Bieber starts sleeping around, he’s gonna end up looking like a 3rd grader.
Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged…
People Magazine reports that – gasp! – Jennifer Lopez WILL NOT be a judge on “American Idol” next season. Insiders say her demands were getting out of hand and Fox axed the deal. Just to give you an example, when J-Lo shot a five-minute cameo on “Will & Grace”, she brought an entourage of 75 including an eyebrow specialist and an aide who did nothing but hold her coat.
Couldn’t she have just shared Ryan’s Seacrest’s eyebrow specialist?
And to think they canned Paula Abdul when all she asked for was more booze in her Coke cup.
Adam Lambert says he not only does his own eyebrows, but his own mascara, guyliner and lipstick as well!
There Must Be Something in the Water in Pennsylvania!
Gary Matthews of Pennsylvania has asked a judge to legally change his name to “Boomer the Dog”. Matthews often dresses in a dog costume for conventions and parties – and is involved in “furries,” a subculture of people who get kinky thrills hanging out dressed as animals. Matthews says his parents were warming up to the idea before they passed away.
Actually he asked them after he dug them up from their burial plots in his backyard.
The judge was slightly annoyed when Matthews rubbed his butt across the courtroom carpet during the hearing.
Gary says if he can’t change his name to “Boomer the Dog” he’ll just roll over and die! (or at least play dead).
His friends who also like to dress up say he’s “quite fetching”.
From Dogs to Ducks…
Pennsylvania resident April Megalon is suing Disney, claiming that while visiting Epcot, Donald Duck groped her breasts and molested her. She claims it’s just one in a long line of similar incidents by costumed Disney characters. She wants damages in excess of $50,000 for “severe physical injury and emotional distress”.
If Disney loses the case, I hope they make Donald pay the bill!
What do you expect from a guy who doesn’t even wear pants?
As for Donald, he said of the woman’s breasts, “She’s a Small Girl After All!”
Speaking of Boobs…
Topless sunbathing has gone out of style on Italian beaches, but it’s not illegal. Still, police have opened an obscenity file on a woman after a mother complained that the way the woman was rubbing sunscreen on her breasts was “troubling” to her 12 and 14 year-old sons.
The boys have filed a restraining order against their mother so she can’t come to the beach with them anymore.
Hair Today… Gone Tomorrow???
Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich’s jury announced that they are dreadlocked, um, I mean deadlocked…
They all think he’s guilty, but one juror, who works at a salon, can’t stand the thought of Blago having his beautiful hair ruined by some prison barber.
Lady of Spain I Adore Ya!
On this day in 1856, Anthony Fass received the first U.S. patent for the accordion.
Which made life so much easier for strolling musicians who used to have to drag their cellos all over restaurants!
Have a great day and we’ll see you back here tomorrow!
- Dick