Oh, oh, you may want to plug your ears…
Tuesday, the U.S. Court of Appeals in New York threw out the FCC’s broadcast indecency policy. They ruled it arbitrary, capricious and unconstitutionally vague, saying that it imposed a chilling effect on free speech because the FCC could sock broadcasters with huge fines for undefined infractions that weren’t planned or predictable. TV stations were hit with $200,000 fines because they didn’t know Janet Jackson’s breast was going to be exposed at the Super Bowl.
This just in…Janet Jackson has announced that in honor of the court ruling, she’ll expose her “other” boob at next year’s Super Bowl.
This is true…It was because of the Janet Jackson incident that our morning show was put on a :15 second delay. But it wasn’t really that #@!* of a deal.
This is great news for Mel Gibson…He can now give up acting and become a shock jock.
Okay, everybody “OUT” of the pool!
Officials in Austria are urging swimmers to help conserve water and pool chemicals at Vienna’s 18 public baths and pools by keeping their mouths shut when they swim. During the current heat wave, people are flocking to public pools, and officials estimate that visitors are swallowing up to 1,320 gallons of pool water a day.
You especially want to keep your mouth shut at the kiddie end of the pool.
This reminds me of a certain pool scene in Caddy Shack. Remember?
Water loss from pools is exactly why Big Al is banned from doing “Cannon Balls”.
Hey you kids, get out of my bank!
Last Friday a geriatric robber believed to be in his 70s entered a high-end clothing store in Manhattan. He was using a cane and an oxygen tank when he pulled out a gun and announced a stick-up. He fired a shot at a fleeing customer and two at a manager, but none of them hit anyone. Police said he fled in a black Cadillac.
He did it in a crazy attempt to impress Betty White.
There’s only one defense attorney who could handle this case: “Matlock”.
There’s an All-Points-Bulletin to be on the lookout for a black Cadillac driving 20 mph with its right blinker on.
The same man is wanted in three states for stealing “Sweet-N-Low” packages from restaurants.
(Everybody Sing!) “London sewers are filling up, filling up. London sewers are filling up…
Apparently a lot of eateries in London aren’t complying with orders to stop pouring cooking grease down their kitchen drains. It’s become so bad that a team of water company workers has donned breathing masks and taken shovels into the sewers to remove 1,000 tons of fat clogging the sewers. They say it hardens quickly, and they couldn’t even access the sewers at first because they were blocked by a four-foot-thick wall of solid fat.
It’s like doing liposuction on Kirstie Alley.
If the shoveling doesn’t work, they’ll just start pouring Lipitor down the sewers.
Have you experienced British cooking? They should just pour the whole meal down the drain!
Move over Phantom of the Opera!
An Arkansas songwriter and poet have written an opera about Bill Clinton. It’s called “Billy Blythe,” and it’s about his difficult childhood. It was inspired by Clinton’s autobiography and is set to debut in September at the White Water Tavern in Little Rock.
Its like most operas, except the Clinton Opera isn’t over until the Fat Lady “has relations” with Bill.
Bill has offered to help the female lead reach the “high notes”.
The Clinton opera features the stirring love theme, “Pants On The Ground”.
And finally, put this in your pipe and…
Happy Birthday to Popeye the Sailor Man who is 77 years young today. To help with his aches and pains, Popeye now stuffs his pipe with medical marijuana.
That’s all for “Hump Day!” See you tomorrow!
Dick