Radio Host Rush Limbaugh got married for the 4th time over the weekend. His bride, Kathryn Rogers is 26 years his junior. The guest list was filled with celebrities – mostly conservatives with one notable exception: Rush paid renowned liberal and gay rights activist Elton John one million bucks to perform at the reception.
- Actually Rush sent an invitation to England addressed to “The Queen” and Elton showed up.
- Rush and his bride received 4 Blenders, Two Espresso Machines and hundreds of “Mega-Dittos”.
- When they exchanged rings, his wife placed the gold band on Rush’s “formerly nicotine stained finger”.
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The Free Press reports that Michigan forest ecologist Marvin Roberson wanted to honor his favorite tree, the White Pine by putting it’s Latin name on his license plate. The only problem? The Latin name for “White Pine” is “Pinus”. Officials rejected the name claiming that since most people don’t speak Latin, they might misinterpret the meaning.
- Sounds like a case of “Pinus Envy” to me.
- I’ll bet making that plate would’ve caused quite a stir among the prisoners in the prison license plate shop.
- Speaking of prison… I heard Kwame originally wanted that plate on the back of his Escalade.
- To show there are no hard feelings, Roberson has ordered special plates for the officials honoring his second favorite tree… They read, “Ash”.
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The University of Illinois did a study involving 550 Judges and found that most disputes could end faster and more cheaply if the defendants would just say they’re sorry. They staged dozens of hypothetical cases ranging from car accidents to divorces and each time the defendant gave a sincere sounding apology, the plaintiff’s anger was reduced. The only problem is, Lawyers tell their clients to NEVER APOLOGIZE because it sounds like an admission of guilt…
- And the shorter the trial, the less they can charge the defendant.
- I don’t understand… Kwame apologized and he got sentenced to up to 5 years. Oh, wait, they said the apology had to sound “sincere”.
- INTERESTING NOTE: Did you notice that Tony Hayward, the CEO of BP, is running TV commercials in which he says BP is taking complete responsibility for cleaning up the spill, but not for the spill itself?
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- A French Psychologist, Eric Bui, watched the “Star Wars” Prequels and has developed an interesting theory. He says that Anakin Skywalker turned into Darth Vader because of a borderline personality disorder instead of “The Force”. He claims Anakin showed instability as a teen and going to “The Dark Side” would be the equivalent of turning to drugs.
- I’m pretty sure somebody is taking drugs and I’m thinking it’s this French Psychologist.
- He also believes R2D2 rode on big giant spaceships to compensate for being so short. (Get it… “Pinus Envy”. Still confused? Check out the license plate story above!)
- Next up… the psychologist will reveal the real reason behind the break-up of Dean Martin and French hero, Jerry Lewis.
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Last Thursday night in Dallas, Texas, traffic was backed up on a major highway when a truckload of Honey Maid Graham Crackers overturned. The next day, traffic was worse when commuters stopped their cars, jumped out and began grabbing some of the hundreds of boxes scattered along the road.
- If only another truck filled with marshmallows and chocolate bars had rear-ended the first truck… They could have had quite a party!