In a landmark decision, the Supreme Court has ruled for the first time that the Second Amendment isn’t about militias, but grants all Americans a fundamental right to keep and bear arms. The government will still be able to enforce laws keeping guns out of school zones and preventing convicted felons from buying them… but gun owners will find it easier to challenge laws they think are too restrictive.
- If memory serves me, didn’t Justice Clarence Thomas once tell Anita Hill that he was packing heat under his robe?
- The vote was 5 to 4. But it’s not like anyone was holding a gun to their heads.
- I guess the NRA really had them over a barrel… of a handgun.
- One of the judges who dissented from the majority opinion said he was “really pistoled-off”.
- The White House must be happy… First Lady Michelle Obama’s choice in clothing clearing shows she supports “The right to bear arms”.
*****
Just a week after President Obama bought Russian President Dimity Medvedev a burger and called him a “solid and reliable guy”, the FBI announced that it busted the biggest Russian Spy Ring in decades. Eleven suspects have been arrested. They were allegedly sent here years ago to live as normal Americans with names like “Cynthia Murphy”. The idea was to infiltrate and influence U.S. government policy.
- And to think I just friended Cynthia Murphy on Facebook!
- TWO WORDS: The Salahis.
- The FBI cracked the case when one of the guys ordered a Big Mac at McDonalds… and asked for a side of Russian dressing.
- Luckily, Global Warming will keep this from re-starting the Cold War!
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FLY ME TO THE MOON… BUT DON’T TOUCH ME WHEN WE GET THERE…
Commanders on the International Space Station, which houses a mixed crew of men and women from different countries, do not allow sexual relations in space. NASA commander Alan Poindexter says the astronauts are “professionals” and that “personal relationships” are not an issue. Reportedly John Glenn told his fellow space collegues to “keep it zipped”.
- It’s too bad John Glenn never gave career advice to Kwame Kilpatrick.
- There is one exception: If you land on the moon, you are allowed to get your rocks off.
- Apparently Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but they aren’t hooking up in the back of Saturn.
- If this is true… how come we ended up with “Star Trek: THE NEXT GENERATION?”
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Police in St. Paul, Minnesota, arrested a 15 year old girl who was caught allegedly shoplifting 44 pair of panties from a local Kmart. She reportedly told the officers that she needed clean underwear and demanded to know if they “expect me to wear dirty underwear?”
- Police ruled out Britney Spears as a suspect before they even arrived at the scene.
- This reminds me of something my mom told me: “Always wear clean underwear in case you’re ever caught shoplifting.”
- 44 pair of underwear, eh? What was she going to do on day 45? Shoplift a washing machine?
- Why not just do what college guys do and go commando?
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The Wall Street Journal asked human resource professionals to put together a list of the dumbest mistakes they’ve seen job hunters make. They included submitting a resume full of typos and asking the interviewer to have someone on staff fix it… and pulling out a sandwich and eating it during the interview.
- Unless it’s a Salmon Sandwich… which would impress them that you’re including healthy Omega 3 fish oil in your diet.
- Another dumb mistake: Listing your former position as “Head of Quality Control for BP”.
- Here’s some more advice… Never brag that you used to be a disc jockey!
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On this date in 1969, Jimi Hendrix played his last concert at Denver’s Mile Stadium.
- It was a beautiful night, except for a “Purple Haze”.
Also… on this day in 1613, England’s Globe Theater burned down during a performance of Shakespeare’s “Henry VIII”.
- It was one of the few times in history it was ruled “okay” to yell “fire” in a crowded theater!
Have a great day… Back tomorrow!
-Dick