Charlie Sheen has agreed to plead guilty to a misdemeanor for allegedly threatening to kill his wife with a knife on Christmas Eve while vacationing in Colorado. Oh, by the way, he says he was intoxicated at the time. Sheen’s attorney’s cut a deal which will get him just 30 days in jail – which will be cut to 15 with good behavior.
- I think this is the first time the words “Charlie Sheen” and “good behavior” have appeared in the same sentence.
- So Charlie may only do 15 days… If only Kwame had run for Mayor of Aspen.
- I’m sure Charlie is going to meet a lot more than Two and a Half Men in the Slammer.
- Getting drunk and trying to kill your wife with a knife on Christmas Eve… Is it just me or does this just scream “Normal Rockwell Painting”?
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The Supreme Court has ruled that “the right to remain silent” doesn’t mean you can actually stay silent. They said that police have a right to interrogate a suspect – even after reading them their Miranda rights - until he or she actually says, “I’m invoking my right to remain silent”.
- It’s kind of like that Bill Clinton thing… “It depends what your definition of ‘is’ is”.
- Speaking of Bill Clinton, I heard he’s interested in this “Miranda” person.
- Ventriloquists dummies filed an immediate appeal.
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Britain’s Daily Star says that since divorcing Guy Ritchie and taking up with a much younger male model, Madonna is starting to feel old. The solution? She’s decided to treat herself to $200,000 worth of plastic surgery.
- Ironically, by the time the surgery’s are done she’ll have a new boy friend anyway.
- So she won’t be “Like a Virgin”… she’ll just look like one.
- Word is that years ago Virgin Airlines put her on their “No-Fly” list.
- She’s going for that “Heidi Montag” look… but no one knows what that is since it seems to change on a daily basis.
- The Daily Star is also reporting that Fergie, the Duchess of York, is also getting plastic surgery because she’s having trouble “saving face”.
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A Doctor at Britain’s University of Birmingham claims that having dad’s present during childbirth may hurt their self-esteem. Dr. Jonathan Ives says he believes men think they will play a more involved role in the process, then end up just holding their wife’s hand. That allegedly makes the dad feel like a failure and makes it harder for him to bond with the baby. The solution, he says, is for men to stay in the waiting room.
- Especially if there’s a really big sports event playing on the waiting room TV.
- Why not just have him pop in to see his wife for a minute or two… You know, like he did during the conception.
- The Hospitals where Maury Povich’s guests give birth are going to have to double the size of the waiting room since there are so many guys who could be the father!
- I had six daughters and wasn’t allowed in the delivery room for any of their births. All the magazines in the waiting room were old, tattered, pages ripped out… I’ll tell you, when push came to shove, it was no picnic for me either!
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AND FINALLY… A STORY THAT WE TOTALLY MADE UP:
Rumor has it, that the economic downturn has even hit the frozen vegetable industry. Insiders say the “Jolly Green Giant” is flat broke and has agreed to appear in a “Soft Corn” Movie to make extra cash. “I’m not proud, said the Giant, but I’ve got to do what’s necessary to make ends meet”. In an attempt to maintain his dignity, the big green guy promises there will be no frontal nudity having inserted a “No Niblets” clause in his contract.