Yesterday, the Feds handed down an amazing array of indictments against Kwame Kilpatrick, his father Bernard and some of his closest friends. They are all accused of stealing millions through bribery and extortion from contractors – all for personal gain. If convicted, that “comeback” promised could be postponed by several decades. Experts say this could be the beginning of the end of the culture of corruption in Detroit city government.
- So hopefully we can return to the good old days when the mayor took all his bribes in Krugerrands!
- Kwame’s lawyer said the ex-mayor is “looking forward to fighting the charges”, as soon as he finishes his final performance in the Prison production of “The Nutcracker”.
- NOTE: Advance planning for Kwame’s “Early Release Get-Out-of-Jail Party” has been cancelled.
- With the new charges, MSNBC has announced plans to begin shooting the first ever father-son episode of “Lock-Up”.
The newest indictments reminded me of a song we wrote, recorded and used to play when Kwame’s biggest problem was failing to pay his restitution. In honor of his most recent troubles, here’s a blast from the past…
Face TIME
As we mentioned on our Facebook post Wednesday, Time Magazine has named Mark Zuckerberg, the co-creator of “Facebook” as their “Person of the Year for 2010”. The title goes to the person who has had the most effect on people’s lives for better or worse. Time’s editor said that social engineering is “changing the way we relate to each other and transforming the way we live our lives every day.” Zuckerberg beat out finalists including the Tea Party, Wikileaks founder Julian Assange, and the Chilean miners.
- How ungrateful! After all, the Chilean minors spent all their time trapped underground reading Time Magazine! (with their miners helmut lights)
- The news came as no surprise to Julian Assange who had leaked the information to himself a week ago.
- Zuckerberg posted a message reading, “OMG TMPOTY 2010!”
“You Want A Lawsuit With That?
After months of threats, the Center for Science in the Public Interest has filed a lawsuit against McDonald’s claiming that putting toys in Happy Meals is deceptive advertising with the goal of over-riding parental control over kids’ diets. McDonald’s called the group, “the food police” adding that they do offer healthy items like apple slices. Calls from “McCustomers” are running 9 to 1 against nixing toys in the Happy Meals.
- Mayor McCheese vowed to veto any legislation aimed at getting rid of the toys.
- A red-headed McDonald’s executive identified only as “Ronald” said, “They think they’ve got us by the McNuggets but they’re wrong!”
Ironically, The Contest Still Lasted More Than Four Hours…
Baker Vince Bowen of Wigan, England, was delivering a load of pies to the World Pie Eating Championships when someone stole them from his van. But these were no ordinary pies. Bowen uses an unusual preservative to keep the pototos firm: small amounts of Viagra. So whoever stole them got a whole bunch of the ED medication.
- Officials don’t believe the evidence will stand up in court.
- The baker calls them his “Little Blue-Pill-Berry Pies”.
- Police are scouring the country side for couples sitting outside in matching bathtubs.
- Have a slice with whipped cream and you’ve got yourself one kinky night ahead of you!
Bad Odds & Ends…
Tuesday, a daring armed robber in Las Vegas got away from the Bellagio Hotel and Casino with over $1.5 million in chips. But there’s a catch! Turns out the chips are worthless anywhere but the Bellagio and some have traceable security strips embedded in them so you have to show ID to cash them.
- He should have stolen his grandmother’s Bingo Chips! They’re untraceable and you’ve got much better odds of winning.
- Is it just me… or do you think we just found out the plot for “Ocean’s Fifteen”?
- In high school this guy was voted “Most Likely To Succeed At Being An Idiot”.
- He’s mother said he’s just as dumb as his father saying, “He’s a chip off the old block”.
As Every Waitperson Says, “Enjoy!”
For the second consecutive year, a Marist poll has named “whatever” as the most annoying word or phrase of year.
- Whatever!
- I think that at the end of the day, when we’re all on the same page, we can agree to disagree with their decision, like totally.
- To me the most annoying phrase is, “Do you know how fast you were driving Mr. Purtan?”
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow!
- Dick