Not Everybody Loves A Man In Uniform!
Tuesday, the Pentagon released its long-awaited survey on the effect of repealing the “don’t ask, don’t tell” ban on gays serving openly in the military. Two-thirds of current service members said they would have no problem with lifting the ban on openly gay or lesbian soldiers or sailors. But one third, many of them in combat roles did object, including 58% of combat marines. But 69% of troops believed they had already served alongside a gay person, and only 8% believed their units functioned poorly as a result.
- So their units functioned poorly? They have medication for that now!
- The one’s who complained said they wouldn’t want to share a fox hole with a gay guy, but they wouldn’t mind letting him decorate it.
- But the marines have so much in common with the gay guys! They’re all just looking for a few good men!
The Yawn Of Civilization
Cambridge University researchers have declared April 11, 1954 as the most boring day of the 20th century. Why? That was the only day of that century where no major events took place. The biggest celeb who died that day was 69-year-old soccer player Jack Shufflebotham and the only significant person born was future Turkish microwave expert, Adbulla Atalar.
- So if you were born on April 11, 1954 and your parents always seemed bored by you – now you know why!
- I thought the most boring day of the 20th Century was the day my fellow Kenmore High School Graduate Wolf Blitzer was born.
Paper, Plastic or Excess Skin?
Police in Edmond, Oklahoma, arrested two women who were allegedly trying to shoplift at TJ Maxx by hiding merchandise in the folds of their “Excess skin,” under their chests and armpits. Clerks caught them with $2600 worth of stuff concealed in their folds of fat, including a wallet, a pair of gloves, three pairs of jeans and four pairs of boots.
- It’s always hard to find a good place to hide Christmas gifts… you gotta give these two ladies points for originality!
- The store has marked the jeans as, “Previously worn… sort of”.
- Four pair of boots may sound hard to hide under your “excess skin”, but in all fairness, they were size 6 with a low heal.
- Maybe the police should check these two for Jimmy Hoffa!
Gloria Vander-Built Ford Tough!
Ford announced yesterday that they’re going to use re-cycled jeans in the new Ford Focus Compact for sound-deadening under the floor.
- For the deluxe edition, they’ll use designer jeans.
- And if you want a really quiet ride, you can upgrade to the Kim Kardasian line!
Battery Included!
Police in Florida arrested 35 year old Yanet Barreto Carter after she allegedly got into an argument with her husband about a young woman and threw a bowl of beans and a bottle of cologne at him. She was charged with simple battery.
- She said she couldn’t help throwing the cologne at him… it was an “Obsession”.
It’s Not A Book… But You Won’t Be Able To Put It Down!
Playboy magazine announced that it will market a $300 computer hard drive containing scanned copies of every complete issue of the magazine from 1953 to 2010. They issued a statement reading, “Why would you let more than 650 of your favorite Playmates celebrate the holidays in a damp garage, stored under your bed, or crowded in your basement, when you can bring them all together beneath the mistletoe this year?”
- It’s the gift that Dad and all the boys in the family can enjoy!
- I can just imagine how Norman Rockwell would have painted this one!
- It comes with a great return policy… of course no one will use it.
- For the older dad’s on your list… there are plans to bring out a hard drive featuring the 1953 to 2010 issues of National Geographic.
In A Related Story…
On this day in 1953, the first issue of Playboy went on sale, featuring a centerfold of a nude Marilyn Monroe bought from a calendar company. A mint condition copy is now worth over $10,000.
- So apparently, now you can have Marilyn Monroe on your hard drive.
Have a great first day of December! And to our pal Morey and all of our Jewish friends, Happy Hanukah! See you tomorrow…
- Dick