President Trump tweeted that “Crooked Hillary should enter the 2020 Presidential Race” so she can unseat the “Uber Liberal” Elizabeth Warren.

- Two words: Chick Fight!!!


According to a new study… Farmers have more sex than members of any other profession, with 33% of them saying they “do the deed” at least once a day.

- Well High Ho the Derry-Oh… Looks like the farmers aren’t spending as much time in the Dell as we thought they were.


An Artificial Intelligence expert claims that Voice Technology will soon allow us to control everything with just our voice - and that phones will disappear in ten years.

- I’m ahead of the game. I use both. As in this morning when I said, “Where the hell did I put my $@#!^*% Flip Phone???”.


Astronauts have successfully grown Meat in a lab on the International Space Station 248 miles above earth.

- How do you GROW Meat??? I guess we finally know where the new “Impossible Burger” comes from.


A Texas man is in jail after he robbed a bank last Friday to pay for his wedding on Saturday.

- The bride-to-be cancelled the wedding… but he still ended up with the Old Ball and Chain.


RIP… Rip Taylor. The confetti throwing comedian has died at the age of 84. One time my late wife Gail and I were at the Tonight Show and Rip Taylor was one of Carson’s guests. Rip held up a large painting - the kind you’d hang on a wall - of a large Screw. And he said, “Ladies and Gentlemen… The Framing of the Screw!” One person laughed in the audience. And that laugh came from my wife Gail. Rip looked up and said “Thank you Lady!”


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!