Looking for a unique way to celebrate Prince Harry & Meghan Markle's wedding? Pick up some condoms called "The Royal Jewels"... which play "God Save the Queen" and "The Star-Spangled Banner".

- The best part? One Size Fits All... Scepters.  

- Speaking of sex... I sure hope Prince Charles has had "The Talk" with Harry. 


Sir Elton John will perform at the Nuptials on Saturday. 

- In honor of Meghan's crazy not-invited relatives... he'll perform "Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting". 


Disney announced that they will begin serving alcohol at ALL of it's theme park restaurants. 

- If you don't think it's the Greatest Place on Earth when you first get there, you will after a few "Mickey Mouse Martinis". 

- In a related story, Bill Cosby insists he never gave one of his "special drinks" to Sleeping Beauty. 


A Silverback Gorilla at a Dutch Zoo was caught by a photographer flipping the bird to a group of onlookers - including kids. 

- One of the kids said, "Hey Dad! That Gorilla just did the same thing you always do when we're driving!" 


Happy 1st Birthday to the Mueller Investigation into anything involving President Trump and Russian Collusion! 

- Like most 1 year olds... Investigators are still crawling around babbling things no one can understand. 


The CEO of Bumble Bee is the latest packaged seafood exec to be indicted on charges of "Fixing Tuna Prices". 

- Sorry, Charlie! 

- As the old saying goes... "You can Tune a Piano, but you Can't Tune the Prices of Canned Fish". 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!