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Looking for a unique way to celebrate Prince Harry & Meghan Markle's wedding? Pick up some condoms called "The Royal Jewels"... which play "God Save the Queen" and "The Star-Spangled Banner".

- The best part? One Size Fits All... Scepters.  

- Speaking of sex... I sure hope Prince Charles has had "The Talk" with Harry. 

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Sir Elton John will perform at the Nuptials on Saturday. 

- In honor of Meghan's crazy not-invited relatives... he'll perform "Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting". 

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Disney announced that they will begin serving alcohol at ALL of it's theme park restaurants. 

- If you don't think it's the Greatest Place on Earth when you first get there, you will after a few "Mickey Mouse Martinis". 

- In a related story, Bill Cosby insists he never gave one of his "special drinks" to Sleeping Beauty. 

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A Silverback Gorilla at a Dutch Zoo was caught by a photographer flipping the bird to a group of onlookers - including kids. 

- One of the kids said, "Hey Dad! That Gorilla just did the same thing you always do when we're driving!" 

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Happy 1st Birthday to the Mueller Investigation into anything involving President Trump and Russian Collusion! 

- Like most 1 year olds... Investigators are still crawling around babbling things no one can understand. 

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The CEO of Bumble Bee is the latest packaged seafood exec to be indicted on charges of "Fixing Tuna Prices". 

- Sorry, Charlie! 

- As the old saying goes... "You can Tune a Piano, but you Can't Tune the Prices of Canned Fish". 

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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick