President Trump is being mocked for floating the idea of starting a "Space Force" that would patrol outer space. 

- I guess he figures a lot of people already think he's Darth Vader so why not go all the way? 


74 year old "American Pie" singer Don McClean is dating a 24 year old. 

- He was spotted with his girlfriend driving his Chevy to the Levy... with his left turn signal on. 


Disneyland is removing a scene from the "Pirates of the Caribbean" that shows "wenches" being auctioned off and replacing them with a female pirate selling loot. 

- In a related story... look for the upcoming film "Snow White Privilege and the Seven Dwarves Who Now Identify as Tall Boys". 


Walmart announced that they'll roll out grocery delivery in a majority of American cities by 2018. 

- Finally! People will be able to stay home and grocery shop in their stretch pants! 


Toys R Us announced that they will close their remaining 800 stores... ending an empire that started in 1957. 

- On a happy note, if you've been looking for a Malibu Dream House, it's a buyer's market! 

- Fights are already breaking out over "Going Out of Business" merchandise with women yelling "Lego my Legos!!!" 


64 year old Kathy Lee Gifford, whose husband Frank Gifford died in 2015, says she's open to finding love with a man with a strong faith in God and has "his own teeth". 

- But I'm bettin' she'd settle for dentures if the guy happens to own a Winery. 


An Oklahoma mom whose marriage to her biological Son ended in divorce is now headed to jail for marrying her Daughter.

- If her daughter forgets to get her mom-wife a Mother's Day Card... somebody's gonna be sleeping on the couch. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!