Chinese scientists say they’re using a $100 Million brain scanning machine to “find the human soul”.

- Dr. Scholl’s foot scanner found my soul at the drugstore the other day… It was Size 10 and only cost me 20 bucks.


If you’re too busy to make a big Christmas Dinner, try a can of “Christmas Tinner” - which features 9 layers of everything from Turkey and cranberry sauce to Brussel sprouts and pudding.

- Years from now… todays kids will be filled with nostalgia, fondly remembering those delicious, old fashioned Christmas dinners at Grandma’s house… all out of a can.


Researchers at the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada are trying to find out what makes Chickens happy.

- Well we know for sure it’s not Colonel Sanders.


Christmas hasn’t even arrived yet, but retailers say customers who began shopping before Black Friday are already returning packages… at a rate of a million a day.

- Not counting the guy who steals the packages off my front porch. I’m pretty sure he keeps those.


Holiday cookie bakers have taken to social media to scold Hershey’s for selling chocolate morsels and Hershey’s kisses with the iconic tip cut off.

- I just had a “Circumcised Chocolate Chip Cookie with Nuts” the other day. Yum!

- This is what happens when you hire a surgeon/rabbi to design your chocolate goodies.


A Russian man who was set to participate in the world’s first head transplant CANCELED his surgery after falling in love with a girl.

- When he said he fell “Head over Heels” he really meant it. 


What does Santa give naughty girls for Christmas?

- A gift certificate to Kohls in her stocking.


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!