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Chinese scientists say they’re using a $100 Million brain scanning machine to “find the human soul”.

- Dr. Scholl’s foot scanner found my soul at the drugstore the other day… It was Size 10 and only cost me 20 bucks.

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If you’re too busy to make a big Christmas Dinner, try a can of “Christmas Tinner” - which features 9 layers of everything from Turkey and cranberry sauce to Brussel sprouts and pudding.

- Years from now… todays kids will be filled with nostalgia, fondly remembering those delicious, old fashioned Christmas dinners at Grandma’s house… all out of a can.

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Researchers at the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada are trying to find out what makes Chickens happy.

- Well we know for sure it’s not Colonel Sanders.

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Christmas hasn’t even arrived yet, but retailers say customers who began shopping before Black Friday are already returning packages… at a rate of a million a day.

- Not counting the guy who steals the packages off my front porch. I’m pretty sure he keeps those.

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Holiday cookie bakers have taken to social media to scold Hershey’s for selling chocolate morsels and Hershey’s kisses with the iconic tip cut off.

- I just had a “Circumcised Chocolate Chip Cookie with Nuts” the other day. Yum!

- This is what happens when you hire a surgeon/rabbi to design your chocolate goodies.

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A Russian man who was set to participate in the world’s first head transplant CANCELED his surgery after falling in love with a girl.

- When he said he fell “Head over Heels” he really meant it. 

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What does Santa give naughty girls for Christmas?

- A gift certificate to Kohls in her stocking.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick