Mariah Carey is claiming that her botched New Year's Eve performance was intentionally sabotaged by ABC to generate ratings. 

- Oh c'mon. We all know it was the Russians! 


A new survey found that 40% of Millennials don't have basic survival skills like knowing how to tie a knot or read a map. 

-  It they run into those issues, they just go to the bottom of the basement stairs and yell up "Hey Mom... a little help here?" 


President Obama's closest adviser, Valerie Jarrett, says the President prides himself on the fact that he hasn't done anything to embarrass himself while in office. 

- Unless you count a little thing like sending Iran $150 Billion. 


Prez-Elect Trump says he may skip email and write top secret messages on paper and send them through a courier. 

- Nothing new here... This is the system I used in elementary school when I wanted to send a message to a buddy of mine sitting across the room. 


Meanwhile the Chief Executive of "Twitter" in China has resigned. 

- He hadn't planned on leaving, but he got a fortune cookie message that read: "Resign yourself to new job opportunities in 2017". 


For the first time in a long time, the most popular New Year's Resolution among Americans wasn't "To lose weight"... it was "To be a better person". 

- And Marie Osmond responded, "Trust me... you'll feel like a MUCH better person if you beat that Belly Bloat with Nutri-System!"


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!