Carmen Harlan is retiring from Channel 4 after 38 years. She worked with Mort Crim for the first 18, and with Devin Scillian for the last 20. About 6 years ago, Carmen and I were at a party when she asked me how I liked retirement. I told her I loved it, and she told me she was "considering it". Apparently it took her a while to make up her mind... Her last newscast will be November 11th.  

*****

Angelina Jolie allegedly told a friend that Brad Pitt smokes tons of weed and hired a group of Russian hookers, adding that since he turned 50, he's basically "gone insane".  

- Not wear-a-vial of-Billy-Bob-Thornton's-blood-around-your-neck-like-she-did-insane...but still pretty crazy!

*****

Anthony Weiner is in trouble AGAIN... This time for allegedly sexting with a 15 year old girl. 

- In his defense, the girl actually told him she was 16. 

*****

American University is now offering free coloring books to students to help them "de-stress".

- And if that doesn't work, they all get a Juice Box and a PB & J sandwich with the crust cut off.

*****

According to newly discovered documents, ISIS Jihadists are now giving their Brides suicide vests as wedding gifts. 

- Ah yes... "Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, and Something That Goes BOOM!"

- This is what happens when you register at "Bed, Bath & The Great Beyond". 

*****

The first official Breast Milk Bank has opened in New York State where mothers who can't breast feed can get milk for their babies. 

- The bank is lactated...I'm sorry, that's LOCATED... in Westchester County.

*****

David Letterman is returning to TV for a National Geographic series on Climate Change. 

- The show will feature the "Top Ten Icebergs That Are Melting" and "Stupid Human's Driving SUV's Tricks".

*****

Donald Trump told reporters he's preparing for the upcoming Presidential debates the same way he prepared for the Republican Primary Debates. 

- That explains why he's been making references to "Little Hillary".

*****

An Italian Neurosurgeon says he is prepared to perform the first human head transplant, and will reanimate his patient using electrical current. 

- The doctor said his patient won't feel a thing as he'll be given a strong Sed-A-Give. (Gene Wilder line in Young Frankenstein). 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with the first of our Fall Podcasts!

-Dick