Elephants performed for the last time at the Ringling Brothers Circus on Sunday. 

- The elephants said they'll never forget the experience.

- After the show, they packed their trunks and took off for a retirement home in Florida. 


Comedian Larry Wilmore's headlining act at the annual White House Correspondents' Dinner was met with resoundingly bad reviews. 

- He was such a bomb, Kim Jong Un announced plans to strap him to a missile and shoot him over South Korea. 


After a slew of bad press, Will Ferrell claims he was never going to star in a movie about Ronald Reagan with Alzheimer's. 

- But he's going ahead with his plans to star in the comedy "Abe Lincoln Goes To The Theater".


Former House Speaker John Boehner told an interviewer that Ted Cruz is "Lucifer in the flesh". 

- Kinda makes "Lyin' Ted" sound like a compliment. 


An Oregon University study found that drinking beer promotes weight loss in mice. 

- So apparently drinking a six pack is a great way to get "Six-Pack Abs". 


Lego announced plans for a 2000 piece Porsche. 

- It's designed for 10 year old boys who are going through a "Pre-Teen Crisis". 

- And just like a real Porsche, it will come with a tiny little man. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!