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President Obama announced that the U.S. will send Americans to Mars by 2030. 

- Right now, I'm a little more concerned about who we're going to send to the White House next month. 

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New Wikileaks documents show that media sources provided Hillary Clinton with the questions ahead of the Presidential Primary debates, which is basically cheating.  

- In the old days, when the word "Clinton" and "Cheating" were used in the same sentence, the word "Bill" always came to mind. 

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This just in... The President of CNN has reportedly ordered a blackout of any coverage of Danney Williams, the Arkansas man who claims to be Bill Clinton's biological son. 

- Williams says he doesn't care about CNN... He just cares about DNA.

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49 year old Pamela Anderson posed in lingerie for a series of Selfies in a Spanish magazine... then went on to say that racy images and pornography are ruining marriages. 

- Pam really "walks the walk"... albeit in slow motion. 

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Scot Baio says people need to "grow up" if they're offended by Donald Trump's comments. 

- Look for his new TV show "I Groped Joanie And She Still Loves Cha-Chi". 

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McDonald's announced that they're cutting down on appearances by Ronald McDonald because of the "Creepy Clown" scare. 

- In a related story, "The Hamburgler" is being questioned by French police in the Kim Kardashian robbery. Coincidence? ... Maybe.

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A Hulu survey found that 62% of men lie about having watched the latest popular TV shows. 

- Turns out instead of watching  "Game of Thrones"... they're actually on the throne checking the sports scores on their smartphone. 

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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick