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President Obama announced that the U.S. will send Americans to Mars by 2030. 

- Right now, I'm a little more concerned about who we're going to send to the White House next month. 


New Wikileaks documents show that media sources provided Hillary Clinton with the questions ahead of the Presidential Primary debates, which is basically cheating.  

- In the old days, when the word "Clinton" and "Cheating" were used in the same sentence, the word "Bill" always came to mind. 


This just in... The President of CNN has reportedly ordered a blackout of any coverage of Danney Williams, the Arkansas man who claims to be Bill Clinton's biological son. 

- Williams says he doesn't care about CNN... He just cares about DNA.


49 year old Pamela Anderson posed in lingerie for a series of Selfies in a Spanish magazine... then went on to say that racy images and pornography are ruining marriages. 

- Pam really "walks the walk"... albeit in slow motion. 


Scot Baio says people need to "grow up" if they're offended by Donald Trump's comments. 

- Look for his new TV show "I Groped Joanie And She Still Loves Cha-Chi". 


McDonald's announced that they're cutting down on appearances by Ronald McDonald because of the "Creepy Clown" scare. 

- In a related story, "The Hamburgler" is being questioned by French police in the Kim Kardashian robbery. Coincidence? ... Maybe.


A Hulu survey found that 62% of men lie about having watched the latest popular TV shows. 

- Turns out instead of watching  "Game of Thrones"... they're actually on the throne checking the sports scores on their smartphone. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!