Happy 14th Birthday to Jackie's son, and my Grandson Charlie! 

*****

Pope Francis begins his 3-Day tour of the U.S. today. 

- He's the oldest guy to go on tour here since Mick Jagger. 

*****

After serving his 6-Month suspension, Brian Williams will return to TV today... he'll be covering the Pope's visit on MSNBC beginning at 3pm EST. 

- That is, if his war-torn plane from Syria lands safely and on time. 

- Brian better not make up any stories about the Pope. The Pontiff does have some connections pretty high up. 

*****

According to statistics, more people have been killed taking selfies this year than have been killed by sharks by a margin of 12 to 8. 

- And if you try to take a picture of yourself with a shark, the number goes even higher. 

*****

A CNN Poll found that Hillary Clinton's lead over Bernie Sanders would double if Joe Biden decides not to run. 

- Now she just has to figure out a way to delete Joe Biden. 

*****

A new study out of Germany claims that sex doesn't cause heart attacks. 

- Unless you come home and find your wife having sex with someone else, in which case all bets are off. 

*****

Donald Trump told a high school audience to avoid drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. 

- And then he told them that all of their female teachers were ugly. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick