Donald Trump is expected to announce that he's he's worth $9 Billion and will make a run for the White House today. The Donald claims that he'll be different than any candidate in history. 

- For instance, he'll pick his running mate on a TV show called "Vice Presidential Apprentice". 


On the heels of Rachel Dolezal's resignation as the head of the Spokane NAACP for pretending to be black, it was revealed that she sued the college she attended for "anti-white discrimination". 

- This woman flip-flops so much she should run for Congress.


A study by the CDC found that the average woman now weighs as much as a 1960's man. 

- Which one? Gilligan or the Skipper? 


An Italian newspaper leaked a copy of the Pope's document on Climate Change. 

- It's really long... Boy can that guy Pontificate! 


Jeb Bush formally announced his candidacy for President yesterday and noted that his brother George will not play a role in his campaign. 

- Apparently Jeb is now the "Decider-er". 

- He's afraid George would hang up a "Mission Accomplished" banner before the polls even open. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!