Donald Trump is expected to announce that he's he's worth $9 Billion and will make a run for the White House today. The Donald claims that he'll be different than any candidate in history. 

- For instance, he'll pick his running mate on a TV show called "Vice Presidential Apprentice". 

*****

On the heels of Rachel Dolezal's resignation as the head of the Spokane NAACP for pretending to be black, it was revealed that she sued the college she attended for "anti-white discrimination". 

- This woman flip-flops so much she should run for Congress.

*****

A study by the CDC found that the average woman now weighs as much as a 1960's man. 

- Which one? Gilligan or the Skipper? 

*****

An Italian newspaper leaked a copy of the Pope's document on Climate Change. 

- It's really long... Boy can that guy Pontificate! 

*****

Jeb Bush formally announced his candidacy for President yesterday and noted that his brother George will not play a role in his campaign. 

- Apparently Jeb is now the "Decider-er". 

- He's afraid George would hang up a "Mission Accomplished" banner before the polls even open. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick