Kim Kardashian FINALLY became Mrs. Kanye West in a ceremony in Florence, Italy over the weekend. 

- Luckily, they had a nanny to watch their 11 month old daughter North West while they consummated the marriage.  

- Instead of "Til Death Do Us Part" Kanye vowed to stay with Kim "Until Yo Butt No Longer Looks Fat In Those Jeans". 

- There hasn't been this much hype over nothing since Geraldo Rivera did a live broadcast of the opening of Al Capone's Vault. 

- They're already registered at "Bed, Bath & Divorce". 


Tennessee lawmakers voted to bring back the electric chair. 

- Death row inmates were said to be shocked by the news. 


A judge in Iran has ordered Facebook creator and CEO Mark Zuckerberg to appear in court on charges that "Instagram" violates Iranian people's privacy. 

- He's got a point...I think pictures of your relatives being executed by the Iranian government for no reason should stay in the Family Photo Album where they belong. 


Detroit's own Jeralean Talley celebrated her 115th Birthday Monday. She's the oldest living woman in America and credits her longevity to God. 

- And the loaded handgun she keeps under her pillow at night. 

- She spent the day reminiscing about the time she and her childhood girlfriend threw spitballs at President McKinley. 


A Japanese company claims that eating their new cookies will make a woman's breasts bigger. 

- The cookies are sold under several different names: "Ore-Ohs!", "Not-So-Little-Debbie's" and "Lorna Doozies". 


Scientists in the U.K. say that herring fish communicate by passing gas. 

- Making female herring the only "women" on the planet who DON'T wish their husbands would spend more time talking to them. 

- This disproves the common expression "Whoever 'Smelt' it, dealt it."


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!