Tonya Harding told NBC that she does a lot of yard work since giving up figure skating.
- Sure...that's easy for her since she's got two good knees!
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In an effort to boost cancer awareness, CBS is giving away a trip to New York City for a free colonoscopy.
- And you thought having your pocket picked was the most invasive thing that could happen to you on a trip to the Big Apple.
- CBS claims there's already been quite a run on entries.
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Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel says he'll shrink the U.S. Army to its smallest size since just before World War II.
- Is it just me or would this be like FDR sending a "Save the Date" card to Hitler so he could plan ahead for the D-Day invasion?
- He also plans to send our enemies GPS locators so they can pinpoint exactly where our reduced amount of soldiers are stationed.
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Google's director of engineering predicts that computers will be smarter than humans by 2029.
- Why not? They're already smarter than Chuck Hagel.
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CNN is canceling the Piers Morgan Show, citing low ratings.
- At CNN, "Low Ratings" means even the guys in the control room aren't watching the show.
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Pope Francis told a group of Cardinals that they should all behave like the Saints.
- So first thing this morning, they got in a huddle and patted each other on the butts.
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RIP...Harold Ramis. The comedic writer, director and actor who starred in films including "Ghostbusters" and "Stripes" died at age 69.
- Sometimes the answer to "Who Ya Gonna Call?" should be "911" not "Ghostbusters".
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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick