Today is “Cyber Monday”…the day when retailers offer special deals to online shoppers. 

- It gives people battered and bruised from fighting over a pair of tennis shoes at the Mall on Black Friday, a chance to continue shopping while laying on the couch with an ice pack.


Experts say Americans spent $11.2 Billion on “Black Friday”.

- And that was just Congress.


Because so many people showed up for early sales on Thanksgiving night, retailers are expected to move the start of “Black Friday” back even earlier next year.  

- Christmas sales will start on Labor Day, which will now be officially known as “Black Monday”. 

- Most people lied about going “shopping”…they just left dinner early to get away from their relatives. 


This week, Congress will get back to work trying to keep the country from going off the “Fiscal Cliff”.

- The first thing they’ll do is approve money to buy themselves parachutes just in case they don’t get things worked out. 


Police say that in California, more drivers are “high” than they are drunk. 

- With the except of one “L. Lohan”. 

- The “high” drivers are super mellow which  explains all of the slow-speed chases…


Prince Charles says in an an interview that he’s “running out of time” to become King.

- So he fired his mother’s food taster.

- “It’s good to be the King!”  


A German man claims that his girlfriend tried to smother him to death with her giant breasts. 

- Well he didn’t so much “claim” it as he did “brag” about it. 

- If she’s aquitted the first time, they can’t go after her again since “Double D Jeopardy” would apply. 

- The prosecutor is trolling Plastic Surgeon’s offices looking for a “jury of her peers”. 


On this day in 1716 The first Lion to be brought from Africa to America was exhibited in Boston.

-  The following Sunday the Lion went to Chicago where it lost to the Bears. 


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!