In case you missed the latest in Charlie Sheen’s ongoing saga of debauchery… here a brief overview: 

Charlie was rushed to the hospital Thursday morning with severe abdominal pain after partying for 36 hours straight with a bunch of porn-stars.  After much speculation, it turns out, he’s got a hernia in his stomach.  

But a whole lot happened before he went to Ceder-Sinai Hospital.  After inviting over a gaggle of his favorite porn stars for dinner and drinks at a friends house (Vanna White’s ex-husband), attendees say he announced that he wanted to build a “porn-family” - a group of his favorite girls who would all live together in a rented house down the street from his palatial home.  Think of it as the Playboy Mansion with more girls and less clothing.  


After dinner, they all headed back to Charlie’s pad to keep partying. At one point during the festivities, a designer briefcase was reportedly delivered to Charlie containing “several bricks” of Cocaine.  After smoking coke for a while, (I prefer the diet, caffeine-free kind that comes in a can) Charlie apparently got bored (who wouldn’t?) and took one of the adult-film stars down to his “theater room” where they sat and watched porn for three hours.  But Charlie didn’t just watch… according to his companion, (I couldn’t find her name but it was probably Tiffany-Amber-Britney something) Charlie gave a running critique of the films, commenting on positions, camera angles etc… The girl said she was “surprised” by the depth of his knowledge!! 

Well who wouldn’t be?  Then again, everybody’s needs a hobby!   

Not feeling so hot (just hot and bothered) Charlie began complaining of agonizing pain in his stomach.  So one of the girls did what anyone would do in that situation.  She called… no, not 911, but “Andrienne”, one of the stars of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”! Andrienne then called 911.  (She was probably on some cable show like “The Real Registered Nurses of Redondo Beach).  That’s the way it works out in California… Reality Show stars are considered “First Responders”.  

So Charlie ended up in the hospital (with his father Martin Sheen, his mother and his ex-wife Denise Richards at his bedside) and the girls went home… til the next party.  And I’m pretty sure there’s gonna be one.  Let’s take a quick trip down memory lane…

-1990: Sheen accidentally shoots then-fiancée Kelly Preston in the arm. The engagement is called off shortly thereafter.

-1995: Charlie admits to being a client of the Hollywood Madam, Heidi Fleiss, copping to having spent $50,000 for the, um… “services”… of her call girls.

-1995: Two months after marrying model Donna Peele, Sheen was sued by a UCLA student who claimed he struck her in the head back in 1994 after she refused him sex. 

-1997: Sheen pleads no contest to battery charges brought by former girlfriend, model-actress Brittany Ashland, who claims Sheen threw her onto his kitchen floor and split her lip. He earned a year’s suspended sentence, two years’ probation and a $2,800 fine.

-1998: Enters lockdown rehab after being hospitalized for a drug overdose. 

-2005: Denise Richards files for divorce, while pregnant, accusing Sheen of “inappropriate behavior,” including dalliances with prostitutes, gambling problems and drug and alcohol problems, that could negatively impact his daughters’ upbringing. Sheen denies everything, calling the claims “laughable and inane”.

-2009: Sheen is arrested on felony menacing charges and spends Christmas in a Colorado jail after wife Brooke Mueller tells cops the actor threatened her with a knife.

-2010: Hooker hides in bathroom while a naked Charlie trashes his hotel room in New York.  (His wife and two kids were in a room across the hall at the time.  He’s actually got 5 kids by three different women)

-2011:  SEE ABOVE

Now the question might be logically asked, how does Charlie Sheen keep his “Two and a Half Men” TV show - which allegedly pays him up to $8 Million an episode while exhibiting this public behavior? 

Ratings!  It’s the top rated entertainment show on CBS.  

So how long will Charlie be able to keep this up?  Who knows? Maybe one day, he’ll clean up his lifestyle and finally admit that the real reason he ended up in the hospital was that his Viagra lasted more than 4 hours!  

Have a great weekend and I’ll see you back here Monday!

- Dick

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