Vote Early and Vote Often!

While most polls show Republicans are set to make huge gains, the first big battle will be for TV ratings.  The networks have taken a huge hit from cable and the Web, but they’re fighting back with plans for wall-to-wall coverage, using the latest FX technology and tie-ins to their Internet content.  NBC will incorporate iPads, touch screens and virtual reality.  And on cable, CNN, which introduced holograms two years ago will expand on that with a quadruple-sized “data wall” and 3D graphics to display exit poll data.

- So this year we’ll get to see all the inaccurate exit poll data in 3D!

- I’m still having a hard time looking at Wolf Blitzer in hi-def.

- CNN may be using 3D graphics, but Fox is sticking with the 36D blond anchors.

- NOTE:  It turns out that the “tingle” MSNBC’s Chris Matthews said he felt when he saw President Obama speak was actually just his Restless Leg Syndrome acting up. 

Speaking of the President…

Barack Obama has decided to give just one interview on this historic Election Day.  Who scored the sit-down?  Ryan Seacrest!!!

- They’re going to discuss the really important issues of the day like Charlie Sheen’s divorce and who should get kicked off DWTS. 

- My bet is Obama wants to see Bristol Palin get the boot.

- Barbara Walters was so upset that she didn’t get the Election Day interview, she un-friended the President on Facebook. 


Meanwhile, the referendum to legalize marijuana in California that once enjoyed a healthy lead in the polls is now down by 7 points among likely voters. 

- Still, you’ll be able to tell who voted for legalization by the orange Cheetos smudges on the ballot.

- Cheech Marin said, “Whoa, man.  What do you have to do to get a cool law passed in this joint?”

Big Shoes, Tiny Cars.

Turns out voters aren’t the only ones fed up with the government.  Keith Nelson performs as “Kinko the Clown” with a family circus in New York and he’s tired of being insulted by hearing politicians called clowns.  Nelson says, “You’ll find that circuses are one of the most efficient and well-run industries in America.  Before you call anyone in Washington a clown, consider that clowns make people happy.”

- We should really call politicians “mimes” since they stand around pretending they’re doing something productive but all they do is end up annoying people.  

- As a parent, I wouldn’t be too thrilled to have my kid hanging around a clown named “Kinko”!

- What does Kinko do in his spare time?  He makes copies! 

He’s Still #1 With The Ladies…

Tiger Woods is no longer the best golfer in the world. His record five years at #1 in the Official World Golf Rankings is over.  He’s dropped to #2 behind Lee Westwood, who seven years ago was only 266th

- Apparently he spent too little time working on his drives and too much time working with his putter. 

Lady Gag-Gag Me With A Spoon! 

The University of South Carolina is now offering a course on Lady Gaga called “Lady Gaga and the Sociology of Fame”.  It’s being taught by sociology Prof. Mathieu DeFlem who has actually met the singer numerous times and said, “We’re going to look at Lady Gaga as a social event. Other people say that Gag’s the new Madonna.  I see it more like there’s people who have this very individual thing.  Frank Zappa had it.  Prince had it. Jimi Hendrix had it.  And Lady Gaga has it. 

- Yup, Madonna’s got it… and she’s given it to a lot of guys!

- Justin Bieber has it but he’s too young to understand what it is.

- This class is turning out to be a lot more popular than the one on “People Who Don’t Have It” which focuses on Larry King. 


Have a great day and don’t forget to vote!  Polls are open from 7a.m. to 8p.m.  Let’s hope you don’t have any problems with a hanging chad!

- Dick


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