Charlie Is Nowhere To Be Sheen!
Charlie Sheen has been voluntarily hospitalized for intoxication and psychiatric evaluation after the NYPD found him naked and drunk in a trashed suite at the Plaza Hotel – with a “professional escort”. She called for help saying he was acting irrationally and throwing furniture after noticing that his wallet was missing. She added that he’d been doing coke for days even though he’s under court order to stay off drugs and booze. But it looks like he’s gonna skate: The NYPD refused to verify the story, the hotel isn’t pressing charges, CBS reportedly chartered a jet to fly him back to a rehab center in LA and his PR rep blamed the whole thing on an “allergic reaction”.
Lindsay Lohan called him, “Out of control!”
This makes David Hasselhoff lying on the floor trying to eat a hamburger look normal.
Let me get this straight… Charlie trashes the room and the hotel doesn’t press charges, but I get attitude if I call room service and ask for a washcloth.
At this point, they should just re-name Charlie’s show, “Two and a Half Grams.
Charlie will check in at the Betty Ford Clinic and stay in the Mel Gibson Suite.
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Bark for a Narc!
A non-profit group called “Dogs Finding Drugs” has opened in Maryland. For $200 an hour, they rent drug-sniffing dogs to worried parents to search their kids bedrooms for pot, heroin, cocaine, meth and certain prescription drugs. Some drug prevention experts say parents should build trust with their teens and this is a surefire way to destroy that. But DFD’s founder says parents are clamoring for the service.
Ironically Charlie’s father Martin Sheen hired one of these dogs to go through Charlie’s old bedroom. One sniff and it died of an overdose.
Of course the best breed of dog for finding meth is a lab.
But Our Teachers Always Told Us It Was Made Of Cheese!
NASA has known something for decades that most of us didn’t know until now: The moon smells like gunpowder. There’s no air, so you can’t smell it there, but the moon’s basalt rock that was formed by internal volcanoes smell like gunpowder when you bring it back to earth.
Or maybe it’s just because the man in the moon is packin’ heat.
Big deal! We’ve all known for years that anything brought back from Mars smells like a candy bar.
And Saturn has that “new car smell”.
Survived By His Wife Cala-Mary
The Oberhausen Sea Life Center in Germany announced Tuesday that Paul the Psychic Octopus has died. He made worldwide news, and even got death threats from soccer fans, when he racked up a perfect World Cup prediction record by choosing between two food dishes to pick the winning teams. Staffers plan to erect a permanent shrine to Paul, which might be a first for an Octopus.
There was some good news… At the funeral they only needed one Octopus to serve as all eight pallbearers.
No word yet on weather Paul left a Last Will and Tentacle.
Sadly, his giant aquarium in now marked, “Un-Octopied”.
Someone threw away Kwame Kilpatrick’s city-owned computer right in the middle of the Text Message Scandal back in 2008, and a federal judge is demanding to know why.
We know why! The question is: Who did it?
My money is on Monica Conyers.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow!