Two men were arrested in an alleged plot to castrate and kill Justin Bieber.
- Thanks to good police work, this story ended on a “high note”.
North Korea says it is extending it’s rocket launch period right through Christmas.
- Just in case, Santa has added two new reindeer to his team: “Anti” and “Ballistic”.
- Apparently Kim Jong-Un doesn’t quite understand the concept of “Missile Toe”.
On this day in 1991 North and South Korea signed an historic non-agression agreement, aimed at eventual reconciliation.
- How’s that workin’ out for them?
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday with an all-new Podcast!
-Dick
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announed its new inductees, and they include disco queen Donna Summer and singer/songwriter Randy Newman.
- Most people heard the news about Donna Summer on the radio. Whoo oooh oooh oooh, on the radio!
- Randy Newman was thrilled just to make the “short list” of nominees!
Pamela Anderson just got slapped with two tax liens totaling over $370,000.
- She said it’s surreal…”like everything is happening in slow motion.”
- They didn’t put the lien on her house, they put in on her plastic surgeons office since he’s got most of her cash.
Lindsay Lohan is having trouble paying her $8000 per month rent.
- I would think she’d buy a house…these days you can get them for a steal!
Meanwhile Charlie Sheen is complaining that after sending Lilo $100,000 to help with her tax woes, she never even sent him a “thank you” text.
- Linsday’s rep denies it, saying “she always drops her friends ‘a line’ to say thanks”.
Researchers say that drinking beer can help prevent colds.
- Of course if you drink light-beer you’ll just get the sniffles.
Chrysler is introducing a macho mini van they say is built specially for men.
- If they really want men to like it, they’d better start by taking the word “mini” out of it’s name.
Law enforcement wants Congress to require wireless providers to store text messges in case they’re needed for criminal probes.
- It’s known as “Kwame’s Law”.
On this day in 1957 Jerry Lee Lewis wed his cousin Myra Gale Brown, 13, while he was still married to his previous wife, Jane Mitcham.
- Well, maybe he was just looking for a younger woman.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
The tragedy of the nurse who worked at Kate Middleton’s hospital in London, who committed suicide after allowing a prank call from a radio station in Australia, brings up the subject of “prank calls” made by radio station jocks here in the U.S.
When I did them years ago, they were legal. But when several jocks around the country put people on the air “live”, or after they were recorded, and after finding out they’d been “pranked”, expressly told the jock NOT to put the the call on the air (but were ignored), the FCC changed the rules. They made it mandatory for radio stations to announce exactly who they really were at the beginning of the call.
Therefore, any “prank calls” you hear today, being made (mostly by FM morning radio shows) are actually scripted pieces with the local radio personality talking with actors on the other end of the phone line. It’s all pre-written and pre-rehearsed.
There are actually companies that provide both the scripts and the actors. All the jock has to do is fill-in his/her part to make it local.
So the people who are actually being “Pranked” are the listeners who believe it’s all real.
*****
Charlie Sheen says that after he gave Lindsay Lohan $100,000 to help pay off her IRS bill, she never even sent a text to thank him.
- Then again she might have, but they’re probably both too drunk to remember.
- Lindsay’s rep denies it, saying she’s always dropping friends “a line” to say thanks.
*****
In an interview with the Today Show, Barbra Streisand said that she is not a diva.
- She then begans screaming at Matt Lauer saying, “You Don’t Send Me Flowers Anymore you ungrateful, balding, SOB!”
- Babs added, “If you don’t believe me…just ask my driver! I mean my husband, James Brolin.”
*****
A new study claims women can tell if a man is going to be unfaithful just by looking at his face.
- Especially if his face is checking out your sister.
- Connie Francis told us the clue is “Lipstick on his collar.”
*****
The FCC may begin letting passengers use their cell phones on planes.
- It’s about time! Pilots have been using their cell phones to order drinks from the flight attendants for years!
- This will help the flight crew pick out possible terrorists by looking for people playing “REALLY Angry Birds”.
- So now, instead of annoying you by talking to you the whole flight, he can annoy you by spending the whole flight talking on his phone.
*****
Some historians are objecting to the amount of profanity in the movie Lincoln.
- The one that really got them going was when Lincoln started the Gettysburg Address with “Four Scored…and some didn’t.”
- For those who want to hear an Illinois politician swear, just wait for the movie “Blagojevich” to come out.
*****
On this date in 1844 the first dental anesthetic was used by Dr. John Riggs for a tooth extraction.
- Prior to this Dr. Riggs used the old “String and Door Knob” technique.
*****
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here on Wednesday - 12/12/12!
-Dick
Women’s Health magazine released a list of the top five dog-like qualities women found attractive in men. They include “always willing to cuddle on the couch” and “always excited to see me when I get home”.
- Surprisingly, dragging your butt across the carpet didn’t make the list.
- Neither didn’t chasing tail…uh…men chasing their own tail.
- Turns out women in the survey said their husbands actually spend more time in the dog house than their dogs do.
*****
The American Psychiatric Association has given “Hoarding” a new diagnosis. Hoarding is when someone can’t part with possessions, even if the stuff is worthless.
- This explains the American peoples’ unwillingness to get rid of Congress.
*****
Despite recent strides in “sex addiction” research, the American Psyciatric Association says sex addiction is NOT an official disorder.
- Well there goes that excuse.
*****
On Fox News, actor Ed Asner asked a producer if he could urinate on him.
- When Mary Tyler Moore heard this story she said, “Mr. Grant!!!!!”
- Apparently he was trying to demonstrate the theory of “Trickle Down Economics”.
- Fox execs say Asner is welcome back on the network “as long as he watches his Pees and Q’s”.
*****
86-year-old Hugh Hefner and his 26 year-old fiance Crystal Harris obtained their marriage license in preparation for their New Year’s Eve Wedding.
- And you thought it was exciting watching the Times Square ball drop.
- Usually when you hear about something 86 being over 26…it’s someone with incredibly low blood pressure.
- Hugh made Crystal sign a pre-nup and she made him sign a DNR.
*****
On this day in 1607 Captain John Smith left Jamestown on the trip that would later involve him with Pocahontas.
- The next day the couple became the first people in history to sign into a motel as “Mr. & Mrs. John Smith”.
*****
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
Welcome to another weekend…and if you believe the Mayans, it could be one of our last! So with the “End of the World” rapidly approaching on December 21st, Jackie and I, along with our special guest and former “Purtan’s Person” Tom DeLisle, decided to address some really deep and meaningful topics in my latest Podcast (#66).
And what could be more “deep and meaningful” than Monica Conyers’ impending release from the slammer and move into a Half-Way House? We also try to “Keep Up With The Kilpatricks” - including the fact that Kwame’s Dad and fellow defendant spent 85 grand (of who knows whose money) on Lotto tickets he bought at a local liquor store. (And some people say the city needs an emergency manager???)
I’ll also tell you about a new Special Edition magazine dedicated entirely to the incredible Gordie Howe - and Tom shares a story about a “cup” (and we’re not talking Stanley here) that he wore just in time to save his, um, family jewels at a hockey game.
Speaking of “Royal Jewels” we’ll dish out the latest on Kate Middleton’s morning sickness, and the the little bundle of future King or Queen of England she’s carrying - and we’ll tell why England’s Boy George told an arena full of Detroit concert goers that “Dick Purtan can kiss my ass!”
To top it all off…Jackie, MY DAUGHTER, tries to explain why every woman AND MAN should read “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
So stop worrying about the Apocalypse for a few minutes, sit back and spend some time catching up with what’s going on. It’ll come in handy just in case the Mayans were wrong!
Have a great weekend and I’ll see you back here with our regular blog on Monday!
-Dick
A survey by the digital gift company CashStar found that 16% of holiday shopping is done while sitting on the toilet.
- I know a guy who’s a real whiz at this.
- Thus the expression: “Shop ‘til You Plop!”
- Women really are better multi-taskers than men! They can shop and “hover” at the same time.
- I say anything purchased on the throne is an immediate candidate for “re-gifting”.
Just in time for the holidays, Pizza Hut in Canada released a limited edition pizza-scented perfume.
- Talk about a cheesy gift!
- You can purchase it on the internet while you’re sitting on the “eau du toilette”.
The final vote on banning public nudity in San Francisco was interrupted by a group of protesters who stripped naked at the Board of Supervisors’ meeting.
- And by the look of things, the citie’s budget isn’t the only thinking shrinking.
- The bottom line is: If you’re going to San Francisco, at the very least, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.
Kate Middleton has been released from the London hospital where she was being treated for severe morning sickness.
- They knew she was feeling better when she said she was craving pickles and scones.
The IRS has seized Lindsay Lohan’s bank accounts and now Mel Gibson says he many help her out of her tax troubles.
- Apparently Lindsay Lohan decided to get a head start on “going over the fiscal cliff”.
On this day in 1922 a government message was broadcast on the radio for the first time.
- The message was: “Your taxes are going up”.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow with a brand new Podcast! (#66)
-Dick
Kwame’s Dad and fellow defendant, Bernard Kilpatrick, called a Detroit liquor store 159 times to bet on the state lottery - calls that were intercepted by the FBI. Kwame’s dad was told he had lost…again…adding to his lottery ticket debt that eventually totalled $85,000.
- So there’s a bright side to his trial…he’s already used to losing.