Purtan Podcast #62: "Everything But Baseball...So Relax!"

Want something to keep your mind off the Tigers 2nd loss to the Giants? You’ve come to the right place! 

In today’s Podcast, Jackie and I touch on just about everything but baseball… from old movies (I actually sat through an Elvis flick ALL THE WAY THROUGH) to a rather unusual habit I have of Googling “certain things” while I’m watching TV (you’ll have to listen to find out!). From “Hollywood Squares” to “Young Frankenstein”, it’s all part of our verbal meander down entertainment memory lane. 

We also bounce from Meredith Baxter Bernie to Hitler’s Bunker (even I can’t explain how that happened). 

Then, in a flash-forward to the present, Jackie reveals the repercussions of accidentally texting your mom - when you think you’re texting your sisters. (Can you say “Fifty Shades of Humiliation”)?

And, ironically, since this all happens live and in one-take, Jackie gets a surprise text from her college boyfriend and we end up discussing the relationship between her ex-husband and her current boyfriend - (let’s hope at least one of them doesn’t listen to this Podcast!)

Finally, you’ll find out something I did recently that, apparently, is a clear “danger signal” that I’m really “retired”! 

So put on your mental cleats and get ready for a run around the bases of Podcast #62! 

Have a great weekend! 

-Dick

Podcast #62 (28:02)

Let's Try This Again, Shall We?

Tigers will try to come back from last night’s 8-3 butt-kicking by the Giants in tonight’s Game Two of the World Series. 8pm our time!

The Donald Manages To Trump His Own Ego!!!

Donald Trump’s big anti-Obama “October Surprise” was that he offered $5 million to charity if Obama will release his college transcipts and passport documents. 

- Mitt Romney said he’ll donate $10 million to charity if Donald Trump will just disappear.  

- Here’s an idea: Why doesn’t everybody in the country donate a buck to get Donald to take time off and think up a better publicity stunt than that one! 

NEWSFLASH: Everything On Internet Not True?

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said that a terrorist group’s Internet claim of responsibility for the Benghazi attack means nothing and should not be believed. 

- But I read in on Terrorist-apedia! It has to be true! 

Attn Moms & Dads: Don't Throw Out That Pull-Out Couch Just Yet...

A new survey has found that Americans in their late 30’s are now the group that doubts they’ll be financially secure after retirement. 

- Of course that’s assuming they’ll actually have a job to retire from. 

- So in the future, “Retirement Community” will actually mean “Mom & Dad’s Basement”. 

I Debunk New Scientific Theory...

A scientist claims that a new study proves that PMS is a myth. 

- After fathering six daughters I can honestly say that the the only “myth” is that this guy is a scientist. 

Lindsay Escapes Hit & Run Charges So She Can Concentrate On Stealing!

It’s a good news/bad news day for Lindsay Lohan. She won’t face charges in her latest hit-and-run case in New York, but the National Enquirer claims that she took $15,000 worth of clothing from the set of “Scary Movie 5”. They claim producers let it go…considering it’s part of the cost of hiring Lindsay Lohan. 

- Her publicist insists she didn’t “take” the clothes, she just sold them for beer money.  

Chris Matthews: "I Coulda Been A Contender!"

MSNBC’s Chris Matthews claimed that if he had decided to run for Senate, he could’ve been a star in the Democratic party.

- He would not only have had “a tingle” up his leg,

but he could have taught Joe Biden how to interrupt and make faces… oh wait, Joe already knows how to do that! 

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1936 a radio station in Berlin broadcast the first call-in request show, called “You Ask - We Play”. 

- The first caller was an A. Hitler who asked to hear “Eva-destruction”. 

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday with an ALL NEW PODCAST! 

-Dick 

P.S. Come on Tigers!

Let The Game(s) Begin!!!

Tigers go after the Giants tonight in Game One of the World Series in San Francisco! First pitch 8:07 Detroit time with Justin Verlander! 

Duck! Here Comes "The Donald"!

Donald Trump says that he has huge game-changing information about President Obama that he will reveal this afternoon.

- Rumor has it that it either involves a one-time divorce filing OR that Biden is actually Obama’s “Crazy Uncle Joe”.

Bacon Makin' Sex Tough For Men?

A new study says that eating bacon makes a male orgasm more difficult during sex. 

- Especially if he’s eating the bacon in the middle of his local Denny’s at the time. 

- This is why they call government money spent for stupid surveys “Pork”. 

Talk About A "Bottomless Cup"!

The world’s biggest bra, nearly as big as two tennis courts, is being auctioned off for charity with a starting bid of $800. 

- It was originally used by Dolly Parton as a training bra. 

You're Gonna Want To Sit Down For This One...

A study found that browsing in an art gallery can help cure constipation. 

- It’s especially effective if you’re looking at a painting by Vincent Van GO!

Clark Kent Has Eye On New Job???

In the latest Superman comic book, Clark Kent quits his job as a reporter for the Daily Planet.

- And takes a job with TMZ so he can spot misbehaving celebs with his x-ray vision!

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1939 Nylon stockings were first sold to the public. 

- And there was an immediate run on them! 

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday! 

Go Tigers!

-Dick

Tigers Ready To Take On Giant Challenge...

The World Series is set with SanFrancisco’s win over defending World Series champs St. Louis last night 9-0. Game One: Wednesday night in SF, 8pm our time. Verlander will be on the mound.

GO TIGERS!!!

After Debate - Americans Agree On One Thing...

As expected, both Dems and Repubs are claiming victory in last night’s 3rd and final debate between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. 

- 5% think Obama won, 5% think Romney won, and 90% think the Lions lost… which they did, to the Bears, 13-7. 

At Least The Oxygen Masks Are Still Free...

American Airlines has announced that they will charge $25 if you want a pillow and blanket.

- And another hundred bucks if you want a seat that doesn’t come loose and move around the cabin.

O.J. Stakes Financial Future On Knife?

The National Enquirer is claiming that sources say O.J. Simpson is trying to sell the knife used to kill his wife Nicole and her friend Ron Goldman for $5 million dollars. 

- It’s listed on e-Bay as “Previously Used”. 

- O.J. denies the rumor, but says he’ll address it in his new book, “If I Sold It”.