Detroit Police Chief Ralph Godbee announced his retirement after being accused - for the second time in two years - of having a sexual relationship with a subordinate. In the latest scandal, he allegedly rewarded the female officer with a promotion to the internal affairs department.
- Well if anyone knows about the “internal affairs department” it’s Ralph Godbee.
- Godbee says he plans to go into the insurance business and offer women his special “retirement package”.
American Airlines claims that a combination of poor design along with spilled coffee and pop is what’s causing seats on its planes to come loose during the flight.
- Call me crazy but I’ve always thought it was the passengers that became jittery, not the seats.
A top court has ruled that a sexless marriage constitutes cruelty and is grounds for divorce.
- Who knew the seven-times divorced Larry King wasn’t really the stud he appeared to be on TV.
Al Qaeda is being blamed for several forest fires aound Europe.
- Good to see they’re branching out in new directions.
- Apparently the terrorists were told that if they set the fires, when they die, they’ll get 72 sapplings.
One week after Justin Bieber vomited on stage in Arizona, Lada Gaga vomited on stage in Spain.
- They’ve decided to tour together in a show being billed as “Puke-a-Palooza”.
Hollywood was stunned Monday at news that Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman have split up after 30 years of marriage.
- Rhea claims she was tired of getting “the short end of the stick”.
- It’s all about respect…they both want to find somebody they can look up to.
On this day in 1872 Aaron Montgomery began the mail-order business.
- The next day, stock in “plain brown wrapping paper” went through the roof.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
Go Tigers!
-Dick
Tigers up 2 games to zip against the Oakland A’s in the first round of the play-offs! Next game: Tuesday, 9:07pm our time, in Oakland… Go Tigers!
At least the Lions didn’t lose! (It was a bye week.)
Vice President Joe Biden has taken a week off campaigning to prepare for his debate with Republican Veep Candidate Paul Ryan.
- While he’s practicing, the Obama campaign is desparately trying to get the debate changed to a “silence contest”.
New information from NASA’s Voyager 1 indicates that the spacecraft may have exited the Solar System.
- It’s nice to know even rocket scientists can get screwed over by using MapQuest. (Or maybe it was the new iPhone 5 Map App!)
Reviews of exercise programs show that they don’t work for a lot of kids.
- In response to the news the kids said, “It’s not our fault… we can’t find the power button!”
Research has found that most sexually active teens first had sex in their parents’ home.
- Whatever happened to the good old days when sexually active teens first had sex in their parents’s car?
A reviewer in New York call Lady Gaga’s new Manhattan restaurant “worse than herpes.”
- Apparently he doesn’t like his steak “Medium rare and previously worn”.
- She never should have named the place, “Lady Gag-Gag’s”.
On this day in 1952 “The Complete Book of Etiquette” was first published.
- Ironically, the author became the first one to break the rules by not sending the publisher a “thank you” note.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
Congratulations to Miguel Cabrera for becoming only the 12th MLB player in history to win the Triple Crown! Highest Batting Average, Most Homeruns and Most RBI’s!
While both sides claimed a victory in last night’s Presidential debate, most pundits say that Romney came across very energetic, while Obama seemed asleep at the wheel.
- Apparently “No-Doz” isn’t covered under Obamacare.
President Obama prepared for the debate with Massachusetts senator John Kerry playing the role of Mitt Romney.
- And John Edwards played the role of the dog strapped to the roof of Mitt’s car.
- Meanwhile Romney prepared for the debate by talking to an empty chair.
In the wake of the Columbian prostitution scandal, the Secret Service has implemented limits on how much agents can drink.
- They can still hire Hookers, they’re just not allowed to get drunk beforehand.
- If I was President, the only thing I would want “loaded” when it came to a Secret Service Agent was his gun.
According to a new study, scientific research fraud is on the rise.
- Or so the scientists who did the study would like us to believe…
Experts say that sex is a natural beauty treatment.
- So you can become beautiful by having sex. The only problem is, you have to be beautiful to start with or no one will have sex with you.
- Apparently Rosie O’Donnell has been celebate since 1987.