In the wake of the Columbian prostitution scandal, the Secret Service has implemented limits on how much agents can drink.
- They can still hire Hookers, they’re just not allowed to get drunk beforehand.
- If I was President, the only thing I would want “loaded” when it came to a Secret Service Agent was his gun.
According to a new study, scientific research fraud is on the rise.
- Or so the scientists who did the study would like us to believe…
Experts say that sex is a natural beauty treatment.
- So you can become beautiful by having sex. The only problem is, you have to be beautiful to start with or no one will have sex with you.
- Apparently Rosie O’Donnell has been celebate since 1987.
The photographer for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad defected and is seeking asylum in the U.S.
- Great…just when I was looking forward to the pix of Ahmadinejad and his little girl at the “Dictator-Daughter Dinner Dance”.
On this day in Christian Huygens patented the Pocket Watch.
- Later that day a new phrase was coined: “Is that a watch in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday with an all-new Podcast!
-Dick
Two Big Events tonight… In the last game of the regular season, Miguel Cabrera goes for the Triple Crown while Mitt Romney and President Obama face each other in the first of three debates.
- So tonight we’ve got three guys who are trying to hit it out of the park!
The Chief of the Detroit Police, Ralph Godbee, has been put on leave after it was discovered that he was having an affair with a female officer in the department. She apparently blew the whistle on him when she discovered that he was having another affair with the same woman who had an affair with the last Chief of Police, Warren Evans - which ended up costing him his job.
- Godbee didn’t mind handing over his badge, but asked if he could keep his handcuffs.
After getting widespread ridicule, the Obama campaign yanked an Internet ad that read, “Vote as if your lady parts depend on it”.
- Chaz Bono has no idea who to vote for.
- Question: Do “man boobs” count as “lady parts”?
At a campaign rally, Joe Biden argued that Republicans would raise taxes on the middle class, and that would be terrible because the middle class “has been buried the last four years”.
- “Buried”, huh? Well I guess that finally explains all those “shovel ready jobs” Obama kept talking about.
- We thought for a while that Jimmy Hoffa in a Roseville driveway was a “shovel ready job”, but it turned out to be a dead end street.
The FAA is investigating American Airlines planes in which some seats came unbolted during flights.
- They figured out there was a problem when the pilot ended up flying the plane from the last row.
Internet addiction will soon be labeled as a mental illness in a new International health encyclopedia.
- Luckily, the encyclopedia has an online edition.
A Michigan State University professor snapped in class, stripped naked, and began ranting that his colleagues were all actors and “there is no (expletive) God!”. He teaches mathematics.
- When asked if he would be fired, the head of the Department said, “You do the math!”
On this day in 1922 the first facsimile photo was sent over city telephone lines in Washington, D.C.
- It was a picture of a Congressman’s private parts.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
Post-Season here we come! Congratulations to the Tigers who clinched the American League Central Division Championship last night when they defeated the KC Royals 6-3! And Cabrera inches closer to winning Triple Crown!
Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan said that he prefers asparagus to cake.
- Tip to Readers: You can enjoy both veggies and sweets by simply doing what I do: eating Carrot Cake.
ABC News reports that hundreds of TSA workers have been fired for stealing things out of people’s luggage as they search it.
- I guess it’s not enough to steal your dignity during the invasive pat-down.
Cowboy’s Stadium in Dallas has added an in-stadium Victoria’s Secret store.
- They’ll advertise the store by having the refs throw thongs on the field instead of flags.
New York City Schools are giving free birth control pills to high school girls.
- It’s a back-up just in case that whole “abstinence” thing doesn’t work out.
A study finds that British taxpayers spend $58 million a year on the Royal Family.
- Not counting the bribe money they spend trying to prevent the tabs from printing naked pictures of them.
According to a Japanese study, people are able to complete work more efficiently if they spend part of their work day looking at photos of cute fuzzy kittens on the internet.
- In America “cute fuzzy kittens” translates into the English word “porn”.