The owners and the striking NFL referees have settled their dispute and the “Regular Refs” will even be working the game between Baltimore and Cleveland tonight. Prior to the agreement, the NFL players were considering protesting by taking a knee on every snap.
- The replacement refs are just lucky they aren’t taking a knee to the groin.
During his speech to the UN yesterday, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad called for “a new world order”.
- He also announced a worldwide ban on ugly sticks… like the one his parents apparently hit him with while he was growing up.
The New York Post put together a gift basket of Jewish food, including bagels and cream cheese, to try to change Ahmadinejad’s attitude, but the Secret Service Agents wouldn’t let them deliver it.
- So they confiscated the basket and sent it to their Hooker friends in Colombia.
Industry experts warn that because of the growing cost to raise hogs, there will be a worldwide bacon shortage next year.
- They broke the news by having Porky Pig announce “Th..Th..That’s All Folks!”
Madonna promised a recent concert audience that she’ll strip naked if President Obama wins re-election.
- And overnight, a million “undecided” voters threw their support behind Romney.
Rapper Lil’ Wayne proclaimed in a deposition that he has God on speed dial.
- God is #3… right behind Lil’ Wayne’s psychiatrist and the guy he buys drugs from.
Lindsay Lohan is reportedly recovering from a “chest infection” that sent her to the emergency room.
- If it was Dolly Parton, a “chest infection” would probably send her to the morgue!
On this date in 2008 CNSA astronaut Zhai Zhigang became the first Chinese person to perform a spacewalk.
- And he managed to keep 7 plates spinning on sticks at the very same time!
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow with a brand new Podcast!
-Dick
Justin Bieber lipsynched his way through his hit song “As Long As You Love Me” last night on DWTS, wearing what looked to be a leather bodysuit.
- Reportedly he did pretty well considering he was up WAY past his bedtime!
- Viewers said you could see his Batman underpants peaking out of of his leather costume.
Pamela Anderson and her partner were the first couple voted off on the brand new season of DWTS - The All-Star Edition.
- Apparently the judges thought she was “stiff and plastic”.
Host Tom Bergeron was caught off guard when Kirstie Alley planted a long kiss on him “for winning his Emmy” as Best Reality Show host Sunday night.
- Tom said the earth moved… Not from the kiss, but from Kirstie running across the stage.
Legendary crooner Andy Williams has died at the age of 84 after a long battle with Cancer. He will always be remembered for his signature song “Moon River”. So long our Huckleberry Friend!
Two new studies show that over 50% of high school students who took a college entrance exam did not have the skills they need to succeed in college or a career.
- Lucky for them, given the current economy there are no “careers” to be had.
- Apparently their scores on the SAT’s were terrible, but they scored remarkably high on the STD test.
Two replacement Refs in the NFL Green Bay/Seattle debacle had previously been fired for “incompetence” by the LFL (Lingerie Football League).
- In addition to the bad call, fans were upset that the Refs claimed the Quarterback “threw like a girl”.
Scientists in Korea studied Eunichs and believe that the secret to a long life for men is castration.
- No wonder so many schools today are going with a “nut-free” environment.
- So apparently Lorena Bobbitt just wanted to make sure that her husband John lived a long and full life.
O.J. Simpson’s houseguest Kato Kaelin retracted his statement that O.J killed his wife and her friend Ron Goldman.
- Sounds like somebody is vying for a week at O.J.’s vacation home.
- Of course it may have something to do with the fact that O.J. is up for parole in a couple of years.
On this day in 1964 “Gilligan’s Island” debuted on CBS.
It would have debuted sooner if only the cast hadn’t gone on a three hour tour… a three hour tour.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
After just one day of testimony in his Federal Corruption trial, witnesses told Kwame Kilpatrick’s jury that his ex-honor kept hoards of cash hidden in everything from a shoe to a vacuum cleaner.
- The vacuum cleaner makes sense since he cleaned out Detroit’s bank account.
- Ironically, the money Kwame claims he said he made “working” 
was found hidden in a loafer.
Time Magazine reports that the chemicals used in the McRib sandwich are the same used to make yoga mats.
- So when you see a guy doubled over after eating a McRib it’s acually a new yoga position.
- Next will find out the chemicals used in McNuggets are the same ones used to make Jockey underwear.
According to a new survey by the online dating site Chemistry.com, men prefer women to write less about their personalities and include more photos that show their bodies.
- The findings were published in the Medical Journal “Duh”!
- It’s a good thing Kate Middleton is married… If she wasn’t she’d probably cause the Chemistry.com site to crash.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is coming clean with a tell-all book about his affair and love-child with the family maid. Ah-nold says he “compartmentalized” the whole thing and hopes that he and his ex-wife Maria Shriver can still reconcile.
- He’s also in the market for a new maid who “does windows…and the guy who owns the house”.