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Don't Cut Your Life Short! Get Castrated!

Scientists in Korea studied Eunichs and believe that the secret to a long life for men is castration. 

- No wonder so many schools today are going with a “nut-free” environment. 

 

 

 

- So apparently Lorena Bobbitt just wanted to make sure that her husband John lived a long and full life.

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Kato Kaelin Changes Mind... (At Least It Proves He Has One!)

O.J. Simpson’s houseguest Kato Kaelin retracted his statement that O.J killed his wife and her friend Ron Goldman. 

- Sounds like somebody is vying for a week  at O.J.’s vacation home. 

- Of course it may have something to do with the fact that O.J. is up for parole in a couple of years. 

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Today's Almanac

On this day in 1964 “Gilligan’s Island” debuted on CBS. 

It would have debuted sooner if only the cast hadn’t gone on a three hour tour… a three hour tour. 

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick 

 

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Kwame Jury: Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop???

After just one day of testimony in his Federal Corruption trial, witnesses told Kwame Kilpatrick’s jury that his ex-honor kept hoards of cash hidden in everything from a shoe to a vacuum cleaner. 

- The vacuum cleaner makes sense since he cleaned out Detroit’s bank account.  

- Ironically, the money Kwame claims he said he made “working” was found hidden in a loafer. 

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That's Just McGross!

Time Magazine reports that the chemicals used in the McRib sandwich are the same used to make yoga mats. 

 

 

 

- So when you see a guy doubled over after eating a McRib it’s acually a new yoga position. 

- Next will find out the chemicals used in McNuggets are the same ones used to make Jockey underwear. 

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NEWSFLASH: Men Prefer Pix Over Personality!

According to a new survey by the online dating site Chemistry.com, men prefer women to write less about their personalities and include more photos that show their bodies. 

 

 

 

- The findings were published in the Medical Journal “Duh”!

- It’s a good thing Kate Middleton is married… If she wasn’t she’d probably cause the Chemistry.com site to crash. 

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Ah-nold Hopes To Clean-Up With Tell-All About Maid!

Arnold Schwarzenegger is coming clean with a tell-all book about his affair and love-child with the family maid. Ah-nold says he “compartmentalized” the whole thing and hopes that he and his ex-wife Maria Shriver can still reconcile. 

- He’s also in the market for a new maid who “does windows…and the guy who owns the house”.  

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Facebook In Trouble For Exposing Privates...

Facebook stock plunged over 9% Monday to just $20.79 a share on fears that a security bug was causing people’s private messages to appear on their public walls. 

 

 

- If it happened to me, the only thing I’d be embarrassed about would be people knowing that I bought facebook at $38 a share. 

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"The Butt That Launched A Thousand Chimps?"

The Ig Nobel Prizes for the most dubious scientific achievements were given out last week. The Anatomy prize went to scientists who discovered that chimps can recognize each other by looking at photos of their companions’ rear ends. 

- It also works for the Kardashian sisters. 

- That’s how they got the plot for TV’s “The Man Show”. 

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Today's Almanac

On this day in 1513 Spanish explorer Vasco Nunez de Balboa discovered the Pacific Ocean. 

- It had probably been there a long time, but apparently nobody noticed it. 

 

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

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Can I Get A Witness???

 

 

 

 

-The Kwame Kilpatrick trial gets underway today as the first witness for the prosecution takes the stand… Let the games begin! 

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"In The Mahmoud For Love?"

Mahmoud Ahmadinejhad is in New York City to deliver a speech to the UN. 

- Since Lindsay Lohan is also in the city, the U.S. government plans to have Lindsay meet him for a drink…and get him bombed. 

- She’ll also try to “drink him pretty”. 

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Kate Look Alike Becomes "Top" Earner...

A woman in England quit her job as a waitress to earn $1000 a day working as a Kate Middleton look alike. 

- She doesn’t really look like Kate… at least her face doesn’t. 

- That comes out to $500 per boob. Usually two boobs can only make that much money a day by becoming a morning radio team.  

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OMG! DWTS IS BACK!!!

The newest season of Dancing With The Stars premieres tonight on ABC at 8pm. It’s being billed as an “All-Star” version and welcomes back alums of the show including Bristol Palin, Kirstie Allie and Pam Anderson.

- Is it just me or do Pam Anderson’s dances always look better when you watch them in slow motion? 

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Purtan Podcast #58: "From Hair To Eternity"

Today Jackie and I prove that we’re on the “cutting edge” as we welcome Jackie’s hair stylist, Gjoni, to the Podcast. If you’ve ever wondered what women (and yes, men) are willing to confess to their stylist - it’s a must shear… uh… hear!  As Gjoni says, he’s “like a Priest with a Blow Dryer”. He also offers inside info on what’s “in” for your hair this season and offers his opinion on the topless pix of Kate Middleton (He doesn’t see anything wrong with it even though she’s the future QUEEN OF ENGLAND!). From why a majority of CEO’s part their hair on the right, to a sure-fire & simple way women can use their locks to look incredibly sexy, it’s all hair… uh here! 
Have a great weekend and I’ll see you back here Monday!
-Dick

 

 

Purtan Podcast #58 (33:21)

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