Lindsay Lohan: Does Not Being Funny Count As Community Service?

Lindsay Lohan’s comeback as host of “Saturday Night Live” earned big ratings but bad reviews. There was a lot of sniping on Facebook and Twitter about her not being funny and obviously reading off cue cards and still blowing her lines. 

- If there’s one thing we know Lindsay’s good at, it’s blowing her lines! 

- To her credit, there’s been a lot of sniping about SNL not being funny for the last 20 years.  

- The most amazing thing about her appearance on Saturday Night Live was that she’s still actully ALIVE! 

Today's Almanac

Speaking of SNL… on this day in 1982, John Belushi was found dead. Also on this day in 1963, Patsy Cline’s plane crashed, and on this same day in 1770 the Boston Massacre took place. 

- So relatively speaking, if you’re reading this, you have to admit your day is going pretty darn well! 

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick

Podcast #32: IQ's, Big Boobs, A Freshly Shaved Upper Lip and Baby Brayden Turns the Podcast Into a Poopcast!

UPDATE: As you listen to my lastest podcast, described and posted below, take a minute to look at some new pix that were sent to me by a listener that attented the Radiothon back on Feb. 24 - back when I still had my mustache! And now… on with the show!

******

Our good friend Tom DeLisle joins us at the table today as we cover everything from my freshly shaved upper lip (as we mentioned here yesterday, I deep-sixed my trademark mustache after 40 years to help raise money for the Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon) to my personal run-in with the great Walter Matthau’s ear hair. Plus, would you give up IQ points for bigger boobs? (I’m directing that question at the Ladies - and possibly Chaz Bono). The results of a new survey may surprise you!  We address the current rumors that George Clooney may be gay. And to get things rolling… my 6 week old Grandson Brayden stops by. Brought a real smile to my face - until my wife pointed out that it was just gas.  Have a great day and enjoy! 

Purtan Podcast #32

-Dick 

Back Behind The Mic…

Purtan Trades 'Stache For Cash!!!!!

As they say, “Hair Today… Gone Tomorrow!” I did it! I just shaved off my mustache - yes - the furry friend that has gone everywhere with me since 1970.  It all started last Friday at the 25th Annual Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon.  WJR’s Frank Beckmann mentioned that if we raised a significant amount of money in a short amount of time, maybe I’d shave off my trademark mustache. Everyone laughed. Hell, I laughed. I mean who would donate big bucks to see me shave, right? Oops.  

Flash forward to later in the evening. Frank mentioned it again as the Radiothon wore on and suddenly I heard myself saying that I would donate $50,000 if Radiothon listeners could match that amount donations in just 30 minutes.  Well guess what?  They did.  And so this morning, I headed out to the Salvation Army’s Harbor Lights Headquarters at I-96 and Martin Luther King Blvd, stood outside the “Dick & Gail Purtan Salvation Army Bed & Bread” truck, and amid a flurry of paparazzi, it was time for “Lights, Camera, Razor!” 

Enjoy the pix (there are more to come- along with some video of the “event”)! What do you think? I’m not sure if I look any younger, as some have said, but knowing we raised $100,000 (which will feed 833 men, women and children EVERYDAY FOR THE NEXT 365 DAYS!) makes it more than worth it!

Before

After

Mitt Wins Mitten-Shaped Peninsula!

Mitt Romney won the Michigan Primary Tuesday over Rick Santorum by 44-37%.  What might have hurt Santorum the most was his robocalling Democrats to vote for him in the open Republican primary, a practice he once denounced. It was the same thing Michael Moore was promoting which really turned Republicans off.  

- Especially when the call was sponsored by Barbra Streisand advertising her new CD.  

Government Not-So-Gaga Over GAO!

One year ago, in a report on governmnent waste, the Government Accounting Office listed 81 areas where the Feds duplicate their own efforts or fail to collect revenue they’re owed.  Yesterday the GAO reported that little or nothing has been done about any of them.  

- So now Congress is considering cutting out the GAO. 

Extra! Extra! Red All About It!

For years scientists have known that men find women in red clothing to be more attractive. Now a University of Rochester study may have discovered why.  Men where asked to look at 25 photos of models and rank how interested in sex they appeared to be on a scale of 1 to 9. It was actually the same woman, digitally manipulated to obscure her face and change the colors of her clothes. They found that when the same woman was wearing red, men thought she was signaling she wanted sex. It made no difference what she was wearing, sexy dress or just tee-shirt; if it was red, men thought she was horny.  The scientists say it tells women why they may be getting sexual attention they don’t want.  

- Studies also show that if women wear an outfit that’s both red and white, it confuses the boys into thinking you’re an “easy” nurse.  

Advice for A Broad... Abroad.

Canada’s Foreign Affairs Department put out a safety guide for women traveling abroad alone. They suggest that women wear a real or fake wedding ring and carry a photo of their husbands, or imaginary husbands. Also wear dark glasses in public to avoid eye contact.  And they even suggest wearing a head scarf or hat if you’re are a blond woman in a country of mostly dark haired women. The guide said these tips help stave off unwanted male attention. 

- Good advice before you take you next vacation to Pakistan!

- A lot of married women are travelig alone because they found a picture of their husband with his girlfriend on Facebook.  

- And remember… no matter what… Don’t wear anything red!

Woman Turn's Gas Pains Into Class Action Lawsuit...

A Detroit woman has sued Ally Financial for repossessing her 2008 Pontiac without returning the 1/2 tank of gas that was in it. With gas nearing $4 a gallon, she’s made it a class action suit on behalf on everyone who’s car was repossessed with gas still in the tank.  She’s suing for $5 million. 

- Just in case this ever happens to you, keep a personalized photo of Geoffrey Fieger in the glove compartment. 

Today's Almanac (Every Four Years)

Today is Leap Day… 

… So go tell someone to take a flying leap! 

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick 

Even Democrats Have A Lot In-"Vested" in GOP Primary...

Today the Republicans hold primaries in Michigan and Arizona. Final polls show Romney and Santorum are virtually tied.  Michigan democratic strategist Joe DiSano has been robocalling Democrats and claims he’s gotten 12,000 of them to agree to go to the open GOP primaries, claim to be Republicans, and vote for Santorum. It sounds like a really dirty trick, except that Santorum is also making robocalls urging Democrats to do the same thing. 

- You’ll be able to spot a democrat today… they’ll all be wearing sweater vests.  

Attention Men: She May Ask You To Take A Flying Leap Tomrorrow!

Tomorrow is “Leap Day” - February 29th - the day when women are traditionally allowed to propose to men. The Beefeater Cafe in London is making it easier.  They say that since the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, they’re offering a “Leap Day Special” featuring a 7 ounce rump steak with the words “Will You Marry Me?” inside a heart, branded on it.  

- Call me crazy, but knowing men, you ladies might be more successful if you write “Will You Marry Me?” on your rump.  

- BTW… on the day after Leap Day, guys, I wouldn’t advise you to write “Will You Marry Me?” on your rump.

If You Thought Lapdances Were Hot... Try Laptops!

Dermatologists in Minnepolis have identified a new condition called “Toasted Skin Syndrome”.  It’s caused by sitting on heated car seats that can reach 105 degrees F. if it’s left on long enough.  It’s not hot enough to burn skin so most people don’t realize they’re being cooked.  But it does dry out the skin and cause a rash, and a possible permanent tint to the skin.  The same thing can be caused on the front side by hot laptops.  

- Al Gore said “See I told you so! It’s all part of Global Warming!”

- This is why I gave up sitting on my computer.   

J-Lo: America's New Queen Of Nip-Hop?

Jennifer Lopez’s stylist continues to shoot down all the internet rumors that J-Lo had not one, but two, “Nip-Slips” during Sunday night’s Oscars.  

- Jennifer herself said the dress started to shift, but luckily she “nipped it in the bud”.  

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1854, the Republican Party was formed.  

-6 years later, Abe Lincoln became the first GOP Presidential Candidate after beating out challengers Bob Dole and John McCain.  

Have a great day, I’ll see you back here Wednesday, and once again… thanks for your generous contributions to the the 25th Anniverdary Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon!

-Dick  

1.7 Million Thanks To You!

Thanks to all of you who contributed to the 25th Annual Salvation Army Bed and Bread Club Radiothon that took place last Friday and was heard on 760 WJR. Last year WJR raised $1.5 million to feed the hungry and homeless. This year I was fortunate enough to co-host the radiothon, and you responsed with an increased total amount of $1,733,977. Many thanks for your heartfelt contributions. That money will feed 5,000 people a day for the next 365 days. Once again, an amazing response from my readers and listeners on DickPurtan.com.

Over the last 2 years, I have moved from radio, to a website and now a podcast, and you have been there with me every step of the way. When I have done the Salvation Army Bed and Bread Club Radiothon every year with exception of last year, I am proud and amazed at what we, together, have been able to accomplish and this year is no exception. I thank you for that. 

-Dick

P.S. We have a picture gallery of photos from our day at Oakland Mall.

Purtan Podcast #31: Delisle is back!

Tom Delisle sneaked back onto the podcast, to our pleasure, to finish his story about Ricky Gervais. We discuss a very funny happening involving Colman Young at the Thanksgiving Day Parade, and Tom’s personal experience with a UFO while he was driving on the Southfield Freeway (honest). 

Podcast #31 (37:33)

Today's The Day! The 25th Anniversary... And Dick's Last... Radiothon!

Jackie here… Why me, you ask? Because my Dad is already out at the Oakland Mall broadcasting live during this, the 25th Anniversary Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon.  It kicked off at 6am this morning and runs thru 10pm tonight… and you can hear it live on 760 WJR! 

The purpose of this event - as always - is to raise money for “The Bed & Bread Club” - an exceptional and vital program that feeds 5000 men, women and children in Metro-Detroit 365 days a year.  5000 people a day! No matter what the weather, the Salvation Army’s Bed & Bread Trucks head out to the streets every single day of the year to reach the very neediest among us - providing what for many is the only meal they’ll get that day.  

How can you help? It’s simple.  Just call 248-528-0760 or click on the link right here:  DONATE NOW! 

A donation of $120 ($10 a month) will feed one person for an ENTIRE YEAR and makes you an official member of “The Bed & Bread Club”. A donation of $240 ($20 a month) will feed TWO people for AN ENTIRE Year and will get you a very special throw blanket featuring the graphic you see here.  It will serve as a constant reminder of our thanks for your incredible generosity.  (Dad has been raving about the blanket all morning - no word on whether he’s also been cluching it and sucking his thumb!)

But all kidding aside, please know that whatever amount you can donate will be welcomed and very much appreciated! You never know who you may be helping… a neighbor, former co-worker, or someone who’s just recently fallen on hard times. The bottom line is, any one of us could find ourselves falling on hard times - and luckily the Salvation Army would be there for us.  

Again, you can make your donation now by calling 248-528-0760 or by simply clicking on DONATE NOW!

So please join my Dad, the guys from WJR, “Purtan’s People” (Rebekah Rhodes, Big Al, and myself) plus a host of special guests including Bill Cosby, Tim Allen and many of your favorite local media celebs as we raise money for this utterly vital program!  

Tune in at 760 WJR, watch live streaming video at WJR.com, or - if you can - stop by the Mall!  

Most of all, I hope you will find it in your heart to donate! As I mentioned, this is the 25th Anniversary of the Bed & Bread Club Radiothon - a fundraiser my Dad started all those years ago.  (The first year, they raised $15,000 and were pretty thrilled with that!) By the time he signed off the air in March of 2010, the Radiothon had raised an incredible $25 million dollars - or put another way, enough to provide 75 Million Meals.

And now, he’s dusted off his headphones and stepped out of retirement for this very special 25th Anniversary - because of his incredible passion for this program. Tune in, listen to the stories, and make your donation - and I promise that you will feel a passion for the “Bed & Bread Club” as well.  

Thanks so very much! 

-Jackie 

P.S. To put you in a good mood on this snowy day, Dad asked me to put up one of his very favorite “Best Of” bits from his radio show.  Enjoy! 

Howard Cosell & The Polka Grammy’s (4:57)

Tomorrow's The Day!!!

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY! The 25th Anniversary Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon kicks off Friday morning at 6am - live from the Oakland Mall on 760 WJR.  And as always, it will run a full 16-hours until it wraps up at 10pm. 

I will be out at the mall, behind the mic, throughout the event along with “Purtan’s People” and the guys from WJR as we raise funds for this amazing program. 

Each day, the Salvation Army Bed & Bread Trucks travel to the most impoverished areas of Metro-Detroit, feeding 5000 people - that’s right - 5000 men, women and children EVERY SINGLE DAY. 365 DAYS A YEAR. Even on big snow days like the one we’re expecting tonight into tomorrow. For many, it’s the ONLY meal they’ll get all day. And tomorrow’s Radiothon is the fundraiser that makes it all possible. 

A donation of $120 (that’s $10 a month) feeds one person for an entire year; Double that to $240 ($20 a month) and you will feed two people for an entire year.  And not one penny goes to administrative costs - every single cent goes towards providing hearty soup, sandwiches, fruit, hot chocolate, coffee, lemonade - whatever the season calls for - to people who are desperately in need.  

If you were a listener of my radio show, you know that I have a real passion for this program. In fact, we held our very first Radiothon 25 years ago in an effort to give back to the community.  That first year we were thrilled to raise $15,000!  As the years went by, word got out about this amazing “Club” and I am proud to say that with the incredible generosity of people like you, we have raised a total of over $25 million. That $25 million has allowed the Salvation Army to serve over 75 Million Meals to people right here in Metro-Detroit. But at the end of every year, the money we raised the year before is gone. There is no “piggy bank” or “rainy day fund” to fall back on.  In short, every year, we start from scratch. 

And so now, once again, I’m asking for your help. I know that times are tough - but if you’re lucky enough to have a roof over your head and are able to provide food and shelter for you and your family - I’m hoping that you can find it in your heart to help those who are in less fortunate circumstances.  

Remember, a donation of $120 will feed one person for an entire year and make you an official member of “The Bed & Bread Club”.  A donation of $240 will feed two people for 365 days and will get you special commemorative throw blanket featuring the graphic you see in the picture to the left.  It will serve as a constant reminder of your generosity. But we’re not greedy - just needy! Any amount that you are able to donate will be gratefully accepted and deeply appreciated.  

I hope that you will have time to stop by and see us at the Oakland Mall tomorrow - if you can’t make it in person, you can listen live on 760 WJR - or listen to the live stream on WJR.com.  

You can even donate right now by calling 248-528-0760 or clicking on the following link. Donate Now.

I thank you so much for your support and look forward to a busy and successful 25th Anniversary Radiothon tomorrow! 

-Dick

P.S. And now for a little pre-Radiothon fun… I present another one of my personal favorite “Best Ofs” - and one of the most popular bits from my entire career. It’s the always amazing Joe Noune playing Howard Cosell at a very special sporting event… 

Howard Cosell At The Iditarod  (1:16) 

Excited For The Radiothon? "Join the Club!"

The 25th Anniversary Bed & Bread Club® Radiothon is FRIDAY from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. on News/Talk 760 WJR, live from the Oakland Mall in Troy. Listen by radio, live web-stream on WJR.com, or in person! In honor of the 25th Anniversary of the Radiothon, I’ll be back behind the mic with “Purtan’s People” and the guys from WJR! 

Our first annual

#bedandbread tweetathon

is up and running. For every tweet with the hashtag #bedandbread, Ford Motor Company Fund will donate $3 to the 25th Annual Bed & Bread Club®.

Click here for more information, and start tweeting!

Hunger and homelessness in our community is a huge, but not impossible, problem to fix. A donation of $120 ($10 a month) makes you a member of “The Bed & Bread Club” and feeds one person for an entire year; and a donation of $240 ($20 a month) feeds two people for an entire year and gets you

a very special “Bed & Bread Club” throw

- that will keep you warm and serve as a reminder of your heartwarming generosity. Of course any amount you can give will be greatly appreciated as always! 

Thanks in advance for your support and I look forward to a successful Radiothon this Friday! 

Click here to join the Bed & Bread Club Online

or call 248-528-0760. The line is open now thru the Radiothon!

In the meantime, here are two of my absolute favorite “Best Ofs” from years past!

“Hands Off!”

 (1:25)

“Love Letters From The Civil War”

 (4:28)