Happy New Year’s Eve! Whether you’re headed out for a big bash or will spend the evening sitting in front of the TV enjoying a celebratory banana, blueberry & salmon smootie like I traditionally do, I wish you and yours a very Happy and SAFE New Year’s Eve!
See you right back here in 2012!
-Dick
It’s Friday… and the 2nd to last day of the year. 2011 — another tough year economically for Detroiters and people across the country. But there were some positives! Here’s a small sample…
-Athletically speaking, the Tigers made the play-offs with Justin Verlander winning the MVP and Cy Young Awards, the Lions made the play-offs for the first time in 12 years, the Pistons got a new owner, the Red Wings are always a winning team, and Michigan and Michigan State both had excellent years on the field!
-Kwame continues to make his restitution payments… something he’ll be doing for the next 200 years!
-Big Al lost 10 pounds… and then gained 13!
-Osama Bin Laden, Mohammar Gadhafi, Hasni Mubarek and Kim Jong Il have all gone away - one way or another!
-Paris Hilton and Britney Spears made it an entire year WEARING underwear.
-Pippa Middleton may or may not have been wearing underwear in that Bridesmaid dress, but she certainly showed off a “Royal Behind”. BTW… Her sister Kate seems perfectly grounded, while Pippa seems perfectly rounded!
-Anthony Weiner resigned after first denying and then admitting that, in the infamous tweets, he was indeed the owner of the “Little Weiner”.
-Arnold Schwarzenegger got an extra Father’s Day gift!
-And “The Best Of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People - Vol. 10” CD came out and has sold so well there are only a handful of copies left. To get yours, just click on the blue CD ad on this page. Proceeds benefit two Michigan Military charites!
And now on with today’s audio entertainment - a couple of cuts from two of my previous “Best Ofs”… one featuring our friend Doc Andrews and myself in a Put-On call involving both of us trying to get jobs as a legal secretary, and the other a classic joke from Soupy Sales that he told on my show.
I hope you enjoy the two cuts and we’ll see you back here tomorrow - THE LAST DAY OF 2011!
-Dick
Dick & Doc “Put-On Call” As They Apply For Jobs As A Legal Secretary (6:09)
Soupy Sales: Fun At The Bakery! (:51)
Well, we had our big “Morning Show Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Festivus/New’s Eve Party” yesterday at PF Changs in Northville. (And yes… I was hungry an hour later!)
I had insisted on a “no gift” policy and unfortunately, everybody took me seriously!
The one “present” handed out was a copy of “The Best of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People - Vol. 10” CD to all the guys on the show… (who apparently were too cheap to buy it for themselves!)
Some highlights from the lunch…
- Big Al was late getting there (as always).
- Jackie was sick with the stomach flu so she didn’t make it. (I didn’t really mean to put that in the list of “highlights”!)
- Being the only female there, Rebekah was like a rose between a whole bunch of thorns.
- Of course, being the host, I picked up the check. (The boys fought over it) … NOT!
- Among the dishes we shared: Lettuce wraps, Mongolian Beef, and some kind of Shrimp with Melon Balls. (yes, “Shrimp with Melon Balls”). I didn’t even know shrimp had those things!
- We were going to have everything put in doggie bags to take home until we realized that the only thing left were two of the melon balls, and only Rebekah was man enough to take those home!
With the exception of the time we spent talking about various Program Directors we worked with over the years, we had a great time!!!
And now on to today’s “Best Ofs”… Two of my favorite cuts from the past. One is a wrong number call that I received in the studio that features the late, great Gene Tayor, from “The Best of Purtan - Vol. 1” - released in 1985. And the second was from 1996, when my daughter Jessica’s soon-to-be husband Chris, had to fill out a “Marriage Assessment Test”. It’s from Volume 5. As our waitress at the luncheon said yesterday… “Enjoy!”
Wrong Number Put-On Call (5:24)
Marriage Assessment Test (1:45)
-Dick
P.S. See you back here Friday with more “Blasts from the Past”!
Today’s the day!
Our big “Morning Show Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Festivus/New Year’s Eve Party”! I know a lot of people have their office get-togethers after Christmas - (it’s easier to get reservations) and we’re no exception! As is our tradition, we’re having a luncheon - and along with the regular morning show gang, we’re expecting a special guest at our table: Kwame Kilpatrick! 
(He offered to pick-up the tab… then called me back and said that after his monthly expenses he only had 6 bucks to throw in the pot. I’m trying to work out a monthly payment plan for him. If all goes well, he should have the lunch paid off by Christmas of 2024!)
In keeping with this week’s “Holiday Schedule”, today we’re featuring two of my favorite “Best Of” bits from CD’s 1-9. Today’s two are from Volume 7 which was released in 2000.
I’m off to put on my “I’m With Stupid T-Shirt”… (Yup, I’m sitting next to Big Al!)
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday with all the party details and more!
-Dick
Dick’s Newticle Notes (:59)
Purtan’s Kiddie Christmas (2:39)
Well we might not have had a White Christmas… but at least we’ve got a White Tuesday! As soon as I’m done with posting today’s blog, I’m putting on my boots, snowpants and mittens and heading out to make my first snowman of the season. Big Al is going to bring over the coal he got in his stocking to use for the nose.
Also looking forward to tomorrow’s annual “Purtan’s People Morning Show Christmas Lunch”. (I’d tell you where we’re having it, but the Paparazzi can be very distracting!)
If you haven’t had your office Christmas party yet and/or forgot someone on your list, why not treat them to “The Best Of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People - Vol. 10” CD! It’s just $19.99 - and all you have to do is click on the blue CD ad on this page to order!
Meanwhile, as promised, we’ll be putting up a few “Best Ofs” from years past each day this week. Today I humbly offer you…
Krapco Christmas Catalog 2007 (2:16)
Vote For Dick Purtan? (:45)
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
Hard to believe but Christmas has come and gone! I hope that you got everything you wanted (I even got some stuff I didn’t want, and in the words of General Douglas MacArthur… “I Shall Return!”) Just kidding… the whole family (all 22 of us - plus the one on the way!) got together and had a sensational weekend! I hope your Christmas was equally as great!
And now… back to work.
Okay, maybe not!
Just like I used to do when I was on the air, I’ve decided to take a break until after New Years. So instead of putting up “new” stuff each day this week, we’ll be featuring some things from our “Best Ofs” from the past.
Today, we re-visit a holiday commercial we produced a few years back. It’s called “Music For No Good Reason” and once you listen to it, I think you’ll understand why! Plus… our pal Morrie introduces us to some of the hottest new toys of the Holiday season!
Have a great Monday and I’ll see you back here with more “Best Ofs” on Tuesday!
-Dick
“Music For No Good Reason” (1:27)
Sleep Apnea Bernie (2:15)
Well here it is… the day before, the day before, the big day! Whether you’re rushing around trying to finish your last minute shopping (like me - is the gas station mini-mart still open?), wrapping like a maniac (like my wife), or have already headed over the river and through the woods to get to Grandmother’s house, I wish you a very Merry Christmas!
And in honor of the holidays, we’ve taken a break from podcasting today, and instead offer you an old chestnut - a traditional put-on call that we’ve played at Christmastime for years. It comes from the “The Best of Dick Purtan and Purtan’s People - Vol. 2). Enjoy! And remember you can still get your copy (copies) of my latest and LAST CD - “The Best of Purtan & Purtan’s People Vol. 10” by clicking on the blue CD ad on this page. It’s just $19.99 and makes a great holiday (or even Post-Holiday) gift!
And remember, proceeds benefit two Michigan Military charities - helping out the brave men and women of our armed forces and their families - whose needs are great… especially during the Christmas Holiday!
And now, listen-in as Lisa Rossi gets a little “worked-up”, shall we say, about some deli trays she ordered for her Office Christmas Party…
Thanks to all of you generous people out there for your overwhelming support in the purchasing of the “The Best of Dick Purtan & Purtan’s People - Vol. 10” CD! We are almost completely SOLD OUT… so if you haven’t gotten yours yet, I’d recommend ordering one today! Because when they’re gone, they’re gone! And there will be no more! 
It’s only $19.99 and benefits two Michigan Military charities, Operation Homefront and Honor Flight Michigan: The Legacy Project. Just click the blue CD ad on this page!
Thanks again!
-Dick
For the past few days, the news has been full of North Koreans wailing in anguish over the death of their “Dear Leader”, Kim Jong-Il. But they never seem to shed any tears and dissidents say there’s a good reason for that: They’re faking it. It’s believed that they’re afraid not to look sad enough. One kindergarten teacher said she used to have to take her class twice a day to honor the statue of the last dictator, Kim’s father, and was shocked to see that kids that young already knew how to put spit on their faces to look like they’d been crying.
- The real tears came naturally when Kim Jong-Il and his father were ALIVE.
- Of course they can’t cry! They haven’t had enough food or water to hydrate themselves in the last 17 years!
Disgraced NY Congressman Anthony Weiner finally has something to smile about. His wife, Huma Abedin, who stood by him throughout his sexual tweeting scandal, gave birth to a baby boy yesterday. Little Jordon Zane Weiner weighed in at a little over 7 pounds.
- Apparently old habits die hard… Anthony immediately tweeted pix of “his little bundle of joy” to all his former constituents.
- They say the baby has her eyes and his… um… well, you know.
- NOTE: Weiner’s wife is an aide to Hillary Clinton. The picture below shows Abedin shows a clearly disturbed Hillary a picture of a dead Mohammar Ghadafi. Or was it perhaps a picture of something else???
Weathermen (I know, it’s “meteorologists”) have always been the affable, fun-guy on TV news sets. From Al Roker to Sonny Eliot - no matter what the conditions outside, viewers could always count on them to put on a smile. That all changed yesterday during a live broadcast on a local news show in L.A. Watch as a disgruntled weatherman who was asked to “multi-task” has a meltdown on live TV..
Sarah Palin has taken expection to this year’s official White House Christmas Card. It features a photo of the library decorated for Christmas with Bo, the First-Family dog, in front of a warm fire. Palin said she found it “odd” that the Obama’s card emphasizes a dog instead of traditons like “family, faith and freedom” and that American’s prefer “American foundational values illustrated on Christmas Cards”.
- The Obamas would have been in the shot with the dog, but they’d already left for Hawaii when the picture was taken.
- Ironically, before he died, Kim Jong-Il sent Christmas cards which also featured a dog… but the dog was sitting on the fire in a casserole dish.
- I’m just glad they didn’t send out one of those “What Our Family Did Over The Last Year” Letters! To be honest I really don’t care if Malia got an “A” on her book report.
- Bill Clinton was the first President to send out a Christmas Card with a dog sitting in front of a warm fire. Of course in that case, Bill was the hound dog!
David Dopp of Utah won a 2008 Lamborghini in a contest called “Joe Schmo to Lambo”. The car is worth $380,000, has a 640-horsepower engine, and can go from 0 to 60 in 3.4 seconds. Dopp got the car on December 17th and immediately took it out for a joy ride. When neighbors complained of the noise, he drove to the edge of town, hit some black ice, spun out and smashed into a fence post. He’d had the car for 6 hours before wrecking it.
- He never should have taken that “Crash Course” in how to drive a Lamborghini!
On this day in 1944, during the Battle of the Bulge, U.S. Brigadier Gen. Anthony C. McAuliffe responded to a German demand to surrender with the reply, “Nuts!”
- In today’s PC world some people would have criticized him for using a word that might cause a severe allergic reaction.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here with some special Holiday surprises Friday!
-Dick
YouTube compiled a list of the top Internet videos of 2011, and the the most popular of all, racking up more than 180 million views was Rebecca Black’s inane song, “Friday”. 
The rest of the top ten included a “talking dog,” some cute cats, two babies babbling at each other as if having a conversation, and a 10-year-old girl singing Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way”. But for my money, the most interesting thing to watch on the internet is called “Kim Jong Il - Looking at Things”. Check it out!
Tuesday, Oklahoma GOP Senator Tom Coburn released his “Wastebook 2011”, an annual round-up of the years’s most egregious wastes of taxpayers money. This year’s “pork” totalled $6.5 Billion. Some of the “lowlights” include: $550,000 for a documentary on how rock music helped collapse the Soviet Union and $113,227 for a center to preserve old video games.
- The video game center got two big “thumbs up” from Congressional gamers.
- The idea for the video game center was actually suggested by two brothers from Italy: Mario and Luigi.
But there were some even bigger chunks of pork, including $15.3 million for the infamous “bridge to nowhere” in Alaska that was never actually built, including over a million dollars for staffers to promote it, and $10 million to remake “Sesame Street” for Pakistan.
- The first episode was brought to you by the letters “T…N…T”!
- You haven’t lived ‘til you’ve seen Miss Piggy in a Burka.
- Bert & Ernie aren’t on the Pakistani edition. They were killed under suspicion of being gay.
This week at the LA airport, the Transportation Security Administration Chorus tried to improve the TSA’s image by performing songs for the passengers. They performed a mixture of Christmas songs and pop standards like “I Believe I Can Fly”.
- Throw in a glass of wine and the passengers will start thinking of pat-downs as “a date”.
- One group of passengers fought back launching into their own version of “You Can’t Touch This!”
- Wait ‘til you hear what they’ve got planned for their “St. Pat-Me-Down’s Day” concert!
Over the weekend, someone Tweeted a fake news story claiming that rock star Jon Bon Jovi had died of a heart attack. It went viral on the internet, prompting Bon Jovi to assure fans that his is still alive. He posted a photo of himself on Facebook, holding a sign that reads, “Heaven looks a lot like New Jersey,” with a caption insisting that the photo was just taken.
- He may be alive, but parts of new New Jersey really look like Hell.
- Apparently people got him confused with Kim Jong Il… because they were both members of the “Really Big Hair Club”.
A Dutch TV network is under fire for releasing a teaser trailer for a show called “Guinea Pigs” that appeared to promote cannibalism. It depicted the two human hosts having pieces of their flesh surgically removed, then prepared by a chef so they could eat each other. It sparked so much outrage that the network admitted it was a hoax designed to raise awareness of a shortage of organ donors.
- So the network ended up eating crow… which they said tasted a lot like chicken.
NOTE: This reminds me of the great joke about two cannibals sitting down for dinner around a big pot of soup. The one said, “You know, I never really liked your brother”, to which the other replied, “Then just eat the noodles!”
On this day in 1620, Pilgrims aboard the Mayflower went ashore for the first time at what is now Plymouth, Massachusetts.
- They immediately headed to the local “Ye Olde Wal-Mart” to get the Indians some last minute Christmas gifts!
Speaking of gifts… “The Best of Dick Purtan and Purtan’s People - Vol. 10” CD is almost SOLD OUT! But you can still get a copy if you act fast! 
Just click on the blue CD ad on this website and you can get your copy (or copies) - in time for Christmas! It contains 40 cuts from my last years on the air and it’s my final CD! There will be no more! It’s just $19.99 and proceeds benefit two outstanding Michigan Military charities. It’s way more fun than a pair of socks!
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick