Tigers are down 3 games to 1 to the Rangers… must win today or it’s all over. Verlander’s first pitch at 4:19 this afternoon with light rain in the forecast. 
To change the Tigers’ luck… I’ve decided to change the traditional “Go Tigers!” to my old Kenmore High School cheer: “Go Team Go!” That oughta do it!
Yesterday, the FBI announced that a year-long investigation into the hacking of celebrities phones and email resulted in the arrest of 35-year-old Christopher Chaney of Florida. He’s charged with 25 counts including identity theft and unauthorized access to the computers and phones of 50 victims. 
Among his alleged crimes were the Internet release of private nude photos of Scarlett Johansson. He could face up to 121 years in jail, but for now has been ordered to avoid the Internet and live with his parents.
- I have a feeling he’s already been living in his parent’s basement for years.
- Chaney vows to fight the charges… by hacking into the Judges phone and threatening to release naked photos of him on the Internet.
- Remember the good old days when nobody could hack into your Poloroid camera and steal the nude photos you took of yourself?
- Anthony Weiner immediately said, “That’s the guy! I told you it was a hacker!”
A Vancouver restaurant called Edible Canada has reportedly banned male customers from peeing standing up. The eatery has a unisex bathroom; so to prevent men from messing it up with their “bad aim” and refusal to raise the seat, they’ve posted a sign above the toilet. It shows a stick figure man standing up, tinkling into the commode with circle around it and a line through it to indicate: “No peeing standing up”. Critics say they sympathize with the problem, but say the ban is completely unenforceable.
- Why don’t they just give each guy a Cheerio along with the menu?
- The restaurant’s owner thinks a cleaner bathroom will bring in more customers and more money… He calls it “Tinkle Down Economics”.
- They already have a sign for women in the bathroom reading, “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie… Wipe the Seatie!”
British runner Bob Sloan was stripped of his third place bronze medal in the Keilder Marathon after witnesses came forward to reveal that he’d gotten tired at the 20-mile mark, hopped a bus to the finish line, then got out and hid behind a tree until the first and second place finishers had run past.
- Greyhound has changed their slogan to: “Leave The Running To Us!”
- Sloan thought he had taken the “Smart Bus”… right up until the moment he was caught.
- This explains why he kept asking the people handing out water bottles as he ran by if they had any bus tokens!
A California man arrested for throwing a hot dog at Tiger woods during a tournament the other day said he wanted to do something “courageous and epic.” 31-year-old Brandon Kelly said he was inspired by the new Ryan Gossling movie, “Drive”. He said, “As soon as the movie ended, I thought to myself, ‘I have to do something courageous and epic. I have to throw a hot dog on the green in front of Tiger Woods.” 
Police said he will likely get a fine and community service. BTW… the incident made Tiger miss his putt.
- Apparently the flying hot dog triggered a flashback of the golf club his ex-wife Elin swung at him when she found out what he’d been doing with his putter.
- If he wanted to do something really “courageous and epic”, he should have tried to take a hot dog away from Michael Moore!
On this day in 1974, legendary TV host Ed Sullivan died.
- His eulogy was delivered by Topo Gigio and eight chinese men carried his casket with one hand while continuously spinning plates with the other.
- They had trouble closing his casket because of his “really big shoe!”
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday with our latest Podcast… and hopefully talk of a Tiger victory!
-Dick
P.S. Comedian John Hefron is at the Comedy Castle this weekend! Call 248-542-9900 or go to comedycastle.com for tickets and showtimes!
Last night the Tigers’ bats came alive and along with great pitching by Doug Fister, they beat Texas 5-2. 
The Tigers now trail 2 games to 1 in the best of 7 series. Rick Porcello takes to the mound for game 4 this afternoon at Comerica Park.
GO TIGERS!!!
In a move that surprised the court, “Underwear Bomber” Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab has pleaded guilty to all 8 charges against him in the attempted Christmas Day bombing of a Northwest/Delta flight over Detroit. Today was only the second day of his trial — the most high profile terrorist trial since 9/11. 
Yesterday, a witness who had been in the seat behind him on the plane testified that he yelled three times, “Hey dude, your pants are on fire!” but that Umar had not responded. That’s when several passengers jumped on him and put out the flames. BTW… Umar, who now faces 30 years to life in prison, was representing himself.
- So apparently he advised himself to plead guilty.
- If he thought his pants were on fire on the plane, wait ‘til he gets to prison!
- His new nickname is the “Tighty Not-So-Ignitey Whities Bomber”.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christy endorsed GOP candidate Mitt Romney for the Republican Presidential nomination yesterday. He said he believes Romney stands the best chance of beating Obama and is throwing his full weight behind him.
- If he throws it too hard, he’s gonna knock Romney over.
Last night, two Senate Democrats joined Republicans in voting not to end a filibuster of President Obama’s $447 billion jobs bill, which effectively kills it. GOP leader Mitch McConnell asked why on Earth we’d keep doing the same thing when we already know it doesn’t work?
- Because it’s the government?
NOTE: Animal expert Dave Salmoni told Jay Leno last night that a group of baboons is called a “congress of baboons”.
- Tell me something we don’t already know!
Last night Chynna Phillips, daughter of the “Mamas & Papas” John Phillips, was voted off “Dancing With the Stars”, due to the fact that during her tango, her mind went completely blank and she forgot all the steps.
- She danced on “Monday, Monday” and got the boot on “Tuesday, Tuesday”.
- Chynna said she’ll still follow the show and is looking forward to next week went Chaz Bono will dance to “You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Man”.
Detroit Police have impounded a party bus they say operated illegally as a strip club for reveling football fans at a popular tailgaiting spot during Monday night’s Lions-Bears game. The so-called “Booty Lounge” was cited for not having a state safety inspection and because the driver didn’t have a commercial license. Bus driver Joe Parsons agreed to move the vehicle but added that Detroit has no ordinanace against “mobile entertainment clubs”.
- So apparently the Lions weren’t the only ones scoring Monday night.
- The owner of the bus says he’s providing a much needed service: “High Heels on Wheels”.
On this day in 1492, Christopher Columbus landed with his crew in the New World, in what is now called the Bahamas.
- An hour later a cab driver charged him 50 bucks to drive him to the shopping district.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday! GO TIGERS!
-Dick
Congratulations to Coach Jim Schwartz and the Lions who’s 24-13 win over the Bears now puts them at 5 and 0. The last time they started the season with that record was in 1956. To put that in perspective, that’s the same year Little Richard released “Tutti Frutti”, 
Elvis recorded “Hound Dog” and “Don’t Be Cruel”, John Lennon and Paul McCartney met at a church supper, the Dow hit 500 for the first time, and 
President Dwight Eisenhower announced that he would run for a second term. Unbelievable! Lions owner William Clay Ford must have been afraid to go to sleep last night… fearing he’d wake up and find out it was all just a dream!
Meanwhile the Tigers are back home facing a real challenge! After dropping the first two of their seven game series against the Texas Rangers, they have to win 4 of the next 5! 
Game 3 tonight at Comerica Park… Go Tigers!
Joseph Wurzelbacher, better known as “Joe The Plumber,” became famous in 2008 after he asked Barack Obama a question and Obama replied by defending redistribution of wealth. 
Now, he might become more of a thorn in Obama’s side: Joe the Plumber has filed to run for Congress in Ohio.
- Joe thought long and hard before deciding to take the plunge.
- His first campaign rally will take place next Thursday sometime between 1 and 5 pm.
- His campaign theme song is “Tinkle, Tinkle Little Star!”
TMZ.com reports that police in Budapest, Hungary, raided a warehouse and confiscted 85 high-powered weapons, including AK-47s and sniper rifles.
They were going to be used as props in Brad Pitt’s upcoming zombie movie, “World War Z.” Authorities said some of the guns were loaded with live ammo and hadn’t been properly disabled. They called it “a disaster waiting to happen”.
- If they’d used the weapons with live ammo there would have been more Zombies in the movie than they’d planned on.
23-year-old Polish political candidate Katazyna Lenart, of the SLD party, hit on a new way to get attention for her campaign: Stripping. The attractive brunette released a YouTube video of herself in a conservative suit, which she quickly peels off until she’s down to a pink bra. When she takes that off, the word “Censored” appears over her breasts, followed by the slogan, “Want more? Vote SLD. Only we can do more.”
- A local hooker is running a similar ad for the “STD” party.
- Katazyna is currently leading in the Gallup and Stripper Poles.
- SLD is a left wing party. Although insiders say her “right wing” is just as impressive as the left one.
According the the new Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index, Americans of normal weight out number overweight Americans for the first time in three years, by a margin of 36.6% to 35.8%. However, if you add the overweight to the obese people, they still add up to 61.1% of the population.
- Which means we have enough contestants to keep “The Biggest Loser” on the air for the next hundred years.
- They call the big eaters “The Nestle Toll House Morsel Majority”.
On this date in 1975, Bill Clinton married Hillary Rodham.
- In an unusual move, as part of the wedding agreement, Bill got to select the Bridesmaids.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
It’s a huge day for Detroit sports fans… This afternoon, The Tigers will try to even up their series with the Rangers after yesterday’s cancellation due to rain. First pitch at 4:19pm on TBS. 
Then tonight, our 4-0 Lions will try to make it 5-0 when they host the Chicago Bears on ABC’s Monday Night Football. This is the Lion’s first appearance in TEN YEARS on MNF so the town will really be hoppin’ tonight!