Yesterday, the Fitch Ratings credit service disagreed with Standard & Poor’s and reconfirmed America’s Triple credit rating.
- The bigshots at Standard & Poor’s threw a fitch!
- Moody’s Credit Rating Service hasn’t chimed in yet… so I guess it’ll be the best two out of three!
The invention funding website CKIE.com is promoting a new device called The Duet. It’s a small, thumb-sized sexual vibrator that also doubles as storage for up to 16 gigabytes of computer files. The vibrator is USB-powered and can be plugged into a computer port, either to download files or charge it to vibrate for up to four hours. The inventors didn’t mention what kind of files you’d want to keep on it or why you’d store important files on a sex toy.
- But they did say it would make working on your laptop much more enjoyable.
- So now you won’t have to sit around twiddling your thumbs while waiting for the guy in India to fix your computer.
- Now you’ll be able to download and upload at the same time!
- Creators say this is one “Duet” you’ll be humming along with.
A new study out of Great Britain found that women spend - get ready - five hours a day gossiping and chit-chatting. At home or work, the average woman spends 298 minutes a day (one-third of her waking hours) talking to everyone from co-workers to complete strangers. The number one thing they talk about is shopping, followed in order by diets and exercise, vacations, what they’d do if they won the lottery, health worries, lunch, whose dating whom,
other people’s relationship problems, their kids, recipes, arguments with their partners, dress sizes, soap operas, other people’s kids, who they find attractive, their mothers-in-law, cosmetic surgery, complaints about their partners, and how people are aging.
- Heck, the women on “The View” cover that and more in one hour!
Isabelle Prevost of Quebec awoke Sunday morning to discover that her ex-husband, Dany Lariviere, had left her an unusual birthday gift: a 20-ton boulder in her driveway. One side of the boulder was spray-painted with a happy birthday greeting in French, and the other side read, “This is for all you’re doing to me.” Apparently the two had been through a nasty and expensive divorce. Police have not decided if they’ll press charges but said the man told them his ex-wife had always complained that he never gave her “a big rock”.
- Hey… at least he remembered her birthday!
- You gotta admit, it takes a guy with some pretty big rocks to do something like this.
On this day in 1896, the first pedestrian ever killed by a car was run down in Croyden, England. The car was going only four miles per hour.
- It may have been going slow… but this being England, it was driving on the wrong side of the road!
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
Congratulations to VICKIE REINTJES of Imlay City, the winner of a brand-spankin’ new dickpurtan.com Nike golf shirt! Her name was randomly selected from all the members of our e-mail club. 
If you’re not on our e-mail list yet… sign up now! (Just scroll down on this page - and look on the left hand side) We’ve got plenty of other prizes and special opportunities coming up exclusively for our e-mail members! Congrats again to Vickie and thanks “fore!” being part of the club!
It’s day two of President Obama’s bus tour through the midwest and he’s taking a lot of flak - not just over his speeches but over the buses themselves. No other President has gone on a bus tour while in office, so the Secret Service had to buy two custom buses and outfit them with high-tech security equipment and armor plating, paint them black and add dark smoked windows, all at a cost of $2.2 million dollars.
- And that doesn’t count the extra million it costs everytime they stop to get gas!
- Harrison Ford is going to star in the upcoming film about the tour called, “Airbus One”.
- Bill Clinton plans to buy the buses when Obama’s done with them… and slap on bumper sticker’s reading: “If The Bus Is-A-Rockin’… Don’t’ Come Knockin’!”
- Joe Biden follows behind in a short bus.
Monday, billionaire investment guru Warren Buffet published a New York Times editiorial, claiming that he and other super-rich people should have to pay a higher tax rate. Pat Buchanan suggested that since the government accepts voluntary donations to reduce the national debt, if Buffet feels that guilty about not paying enough, he could just write the government a $5 Billion check.
- Obama is trying to convince Oprah to fill her studio audience with Chinese Officials and surprise them all with enough cash to pay off our debt!
- The President is so desparate to reduce the debt, he actually filled out the entry form for the “Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes”.
In an attempt to disprove rumors that her rather large derierre is the result of implants, Kim Kardashian had her butt X-rayed and let her sister Khloe post it on Twitter to prove she’s “all natural, baby!”
- She’s got to be the only woman on the planet who wants men to say “Yes!” when she asks, “Do these jeans make my butt look big?”
- Kim’s certainly not the first celebrity to make an ass of herself via Twitter.
An unnamed Wisconsin woman is suing a man for $350,000 for giving her Herpes. Both are married to other people. 
She claims they flirted on the internet, then made out in his truck and finally had one sexual encounter during which she was infected. She says that since he knew the risk of transmitting the disease, he should have to pay and is suing him under his auto and home insurance policies.
- Apparently she believes this falls under the category of being “rear-ended”.
- Unlike the man she was with, she’s hoping she’ll be in “Good Hands With Allstate”.
- This is what happens when you meet someone on eHerpes.com!
19-year-old Brianna Del Rio of Florida, is charged with battery after she allegedly attacked her boyfriend with a nutcracker. Police say the two were arguing about messages left on his cell phone when she slapped him, then hit him with a wooden nutcracker and bit him on his side. She claimed he’d held a gun to her head, but the cops didn’t find her story credible.
- Guys: If your girlfriend goes to the kitchen looking for a nutcracker, the time has come to exit the building!
- Maybe she was just going for a wooden soldier nutcracker… Afterall, Christmas is just 4-1/2 months away!
On this day in 1977, Elvis Presley died at Graceland at the age of just 42. British bookmakers say that although it’s been 34 years, people regularly place bets at 1,000 to 1 odds. that Elvis is still alive.
- People called Elvis “The King. They called Michael Jackson “The King of Pop”. This disproves what Mel Brooks said in “History of the World - Part I”, that “It’s good to be the King!”
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
Over the weekend, a frustrated President Obama, whose Gallup approval rating just hit a record low of 39%, said the American people deserve better than they’ve gotten from Washington in the past 2-1/2 months. In fact, he said, they deserve better than they’ve gotten for the past 2-1/2 years. He urged Americans to contact Congress to complain.
- Hmmmm… who else has been a policy maker in Washington for the last two and a half years?
- Apparently the sign on Obama’s desk reads: “The Buck Stops Over There”.
A University of California at San Diego study found that people enjoy stories more, even mystery and suspense stories, if they know what surprise plot twists are coming. Test subjects were given stories to read. Some copies had “spoilers” inserted, others didn’t. They discovered that people actually preferred the stories that gave away the plot twists in advance. They say this might explain why we’ll watch the same movie over and over again.
- Especially movies like “Groundhog Day”.
- I must be the exception. I still haven’t seen “Titanic” and would appreciate it if nobody tells me how it ends!
- Of course we watch British movies over and over because it takes at least three viewings to figure out what they’re saying.
Local music teach Daniel Dean Torroll of Tennessee was cited for indecent exposure after police allegedcaught him under a bridge at around 9a.m., naked and committing lews acts with a 2-1/2 foot tall Barbie-type doll. He told the cops that he has ADHD - Attention Deficit Hyperacivity Disorder - and a recent increase in his medication was escalating his sexual urges.
- Sounds like his “urges” weren’t the only thing that were escalating!
- He should have know this was gonna happen when his doctor “Upped” his meds.
- His favorite musical? “Guys & Dolls”.
- These days we should just be happy he was having sex with a doll instead of a student!
An Indonesian man who currently lives in a mental hospital after serving time for cannibalism says he’s “yearning for a wife”. He says he’s not particular about looks, as long as she’s a woman, shares his Muslim faith and is religious.
- It will take a rare woman to risk a relationship with this guy… Actually a medium-rare woman.
- So he’s looking for someone who will not only cook dinner… but BE dinner.
- His definition of religious is someone who’s really “Pie-ous”.
In medical news… a Harvard study found that women who take anti-depressants have a 39% higher risk of suffering a stroke.
- On the bright side, they’re much less depressed after having a stroke than women who hadn’t been taking anti-depressants.
The New York Daily News reports that engineering students at Cooper Union were studying the movement of cockroaches by hooking them up to electrodes and shocking them. But the roaches got used to that and stopped moving. So they tried music with some interesting results: 
Roaches had no response to Weezer or heavy metal, but when they played Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” the roaches responded immediately and wouldn’t stop flapping.
- You gotta admit, “Bad Romance” is a real toe-tapper!
- Ironically, Lady Gaga smoked a roach just before recording that tune.
- The Gay roaches also responded to songs by Bette Midler and Barry Manilow.
On this day in 1945, Japan agreed to surrender unconditionally - officially ending World War II.
- Apparently in Japanese, “surrender unconditionally” means “we will do everything in our power to destroy your auto industry”.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!
-Dick
Welcome to Friday and Podcast #4! Today we cover everything from Kwame Kilpatrick to Jackie Kennedy, Falling Stocks to Bill Bonds, and Bill Clinton to a Woodpecker (one has nothing to do with the other, honest!) Plus there are two big surprises… One for one of our listeners - and another for a member of the Purtan Family! (Stay tuned… it’s at the end! And it’s a big one! No, Gail’s NOT pregnant!)
The pictures show me, “Mr. Handyman”, putting up the ribbons to scare off the woodpecker. He hasn’t returned in a week and a half!
