Speaking Of The Civil War...

A new tell-all book entitled “Damn YOU” paints quite a picture of Gone With The Wind star Vivian Leigh. Although it is well-known that the woman who portrayed “Scarlett O’Hara” suffered from depression, the new book claims she was a bisexual who liked “rough sex” with male prostitutes, had many lesbian affairs and loved to taunt her husband, Lawrence Olivier, with her infidelities.  

- So it wasn’t really Ashley Wilkes she was after all those years… it was Melanie!

- Producers of the movie suspected she might be a lesbian when Vivian suggested that Scarlett use the green velvet drapes to make a pantsuit instead of a dress.    

- When Clark Gable heard the rumor he reportedly said, “You gotta be s——- me?” (And you thought I was going to say “I don’t give a damn”!)

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1586, Sir Walter Raleigh arrived in England with his first load of tobacco from Virginia.

- And immediately announced, “Smoke ‘em if though hast them!” 

I'm Assuming He'll Have A Carrot Cake...

Happy Birthday!

Bugs Bunny is 71 today!  Now when he goes for a physical check-up and says, “What’s up, Doc?” the doctor replies, “Your blood pressure!”

Have a great day… and don’t forget… the deadline to submit your favorite local charity in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway” is next Tuesday!  There’s $25,000 up for grabs!  Just click on any of their ads on this website for more info and good luck! 

See you back here Thursday!

-Dick

"He Said, He Said"

Last night, President Obama and Speaker John Boehner made unprecedented back-to-back prime time TV appearances to present their respective cases on the debt limit talks.  

- It was kind of like watching Divorce Court without Judge Judy! 

- Why don’t they just cut to the chase and play “Rock, Paper, Scissors”?

- Just out of camera range, cheering the President on, was Nancy Pelosi… who had just flown in on a corporate jet.   

MUST SEE TV!!!

The Rev. Joe Nelms of the Family Baptist Church in Gladeville, Tennessee, delievered a rather memorable invocation before Saturday night’s NASCAR race.  Nelms prayer read like a commercial for everything from Goodyear Tires to Sunoco racing fuel and even borrowed a line from Will Ferrell’s character Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights.  Over the loud-speaker he thanked God for his “smokin’ hot wife” and ended with “In Jesus’ name, boogity, boogity, boggity, amen!”  

Do yourself a favor and take :59 seconds out of your day to watch this…

"Is It Cold In Here Or Is It Just Me?"

A South African man awoke to find himself in the cooler in a morgue 21 hours after his family believed he had died of an asthma attack.  A health official says the man started yelling, prompting morgue workers to run away in fear.  They eventually went back and took him to the hospital where he was pronounced stable and alive. The mortuary owner urged South Africans to call on health officials to confirm that their relatives are dead before taking them to the morgue. 

- He slept for 21 hours?  He might not have been dead, but he was dead tired!

- The man’s family thought he was giving them “the cold shoulder” for taking him to the morgue… but then realized his shoulder was just cold from being in the fridge.  

Not Exactly The Walton Family!

Police in Fort Walton Beach, Florida, arrested 40-year-old Lon Allen Groves after a brief stand-off at his home. They say that Groves was drunk and had been arguing with his wife when he suddenly pushed her to the floor and held a 9mm pistol to her head.  They’d been arguing over which granddaughter was her favorite.  

- The “favorite” granddaughter must be so proud! 

- This Thanksgiving it’ll be “Over the river and through the woods… to Grandfather’s jail we go!”

- The man’s father, aged 50, had no comment about his 40-year-old son’s behavior.  

His Woofer and Tweeter Aren't Real Either...

Saturday in Chicago, a local 27-year-old, Justin Howard, won the U.S. national air guitar championship. Howard performs under the name “Nordic Thunder,” and he’s a four-time winner of the Chicago regional championship for jumping around and pantomiming playing a rock guitar. He will travel to Finland next month to face competitors from 20 other countries in the Air Guitar World Championships.  

- He was thrilled to win, but is worried about all the extra baggage fees he’s going to have to pay the airline for all his imaginary guitars!

- The crowd went wild when he smashed his non-existant guitar into the stage and then leapt into an imaginary mosh pit!

- Just like real rock stars he’s got a beautiful girlfriend… Of course his is a blow-up doll.

Ugly Pole Dancers? I "Kid" You Not!

Kid Rock is known for surrounding himself on stage with pole dancers, but he’s having a problem with quality control.  Kid told Rolling Stone that he tells venue bosses to invite the best and most beautiful local strip club talent, but some nights, he’s shocked when he sees the dancers up close.  He said, “We need to devise a better system…” because on certain nights, “it’s pretty (BLEEPING) shaky.”

- Lawrence Welk once ran into the same problem and switched to the bubble machine instead. 

- The dancers said they weren’t too thrilled when they saw Kid Rock up close either! 

Happy Birthday!

Mick Jagger turns 68 today!

- So Happy Birthday to a great rocker!  And we’re not just paying lip-service!  

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick

Hello, Goodbye, Hello!

First of all, thanks for the incredible response that I received to last Friday’s very first Podcast!  It was great fun to do… If you didn’t get a chance to hear it, just click on http://www.dickpurtan.com/blog​/2011/7/22/here-we-go-our-firs​t-podcast.html …. And look for our next one this Friday, July 29th! 

During my pre-podcast days on the radio, the one group’s music that I undoubtably played more than any other was The Beatles.  Paul McCartney played a packed house at Comerica Park last night with concert goers paying hundreds - even thousands - of dollars to see the guy the girls all called  “The Cute One”.  Back in 1964, when I put up the money (with the help of 4 other fellow D.J.’s) to bring John, Paul, George and Ringo to Cincinnati during their first concert tour of America, believe it or not, the top ticket price was $5.50!  At those prices, we weren’t worrying about a debt crisis back then!

Astronauts Put The "P" In "Houston We Have A Problem"...

The crew members of Atlantis are being hailed as heroes for manning the last-ever space shuttle mission.  But they’d probably prefer that people don’t discuss the purpose of the mission:  They were testing a self-contained water-filtration system called the Forward Osmosis Bag, or FOB, to see how it worked in zero gravity.  The FOB is designed to help future astronauts on long missions to other planets to recycle their urine into a drinkable liquid, similar to Gatorade. 

- The people most upset by this news?  Winning football coaches!  

- Makes you wonder what “ingredients” they used to make the old “Space Food Sticks” they sold in the ‘70’s. 

-One of astronauts said, ” That’s one small step for man… one giant leak for mankind!”

From The Horrific To The Not-So-Terrific

Two upsetting stories out of Scandanavia this weekend… First the horrendous shooting and killing of 92 people at a political youth camp for the liberal party of Norway by a rightwing nut.  And a 32-year-old man in Sweden was questioned by police after doing yoga on a public beach wearing only a thong.  

- While it certainly doesn’t come up to the level of the Oslo story, it’s still pretty disturbing! 

Practice Safe Crime: Always Use A Condiment!

Police in Vienna, Austria, are investigating the theft of a semi-trailer that was loaded with 21 tons of mustard and ketchup. They suspect the thieves were more interested in the trailer than the condiments.  

- An anonymous Austrian tipster called in the alleged name and age of one of the suspects:  “Heinz, 57”

- Don’t you just relish these kind of stories? 

- Police are asking residents to be on the look-out for anyone holding a really, really big BBQ in their backyard! 

Paris Springs During Summer...

Paris Hilton got, like, totally mad during an interview with ABC’s Dan Harris at her L.A. mansion.  When Harris brought up the low ratings of her latest reality show, “The World According To Paris” and suggested that perhaps the public is now more fascinated with Kim Kardashian, things took a turn for the worse. But the final blow came when he asked, “Do you worry about your moment being past?”.  Paris stormed off the set and had to be coaxed back by ABC staffers and her publicist.  

- Why oh why didn’t they just let her go?  

- I think in a popularity contest between Paris and Kim, Miss Kardashian is always going to bring up the rear!  

- Before storming out, Paris did tell the interviewer that she was like, so, totally honored that a country like France would name a city after her! 

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1962, the US House passed a bill guaranteeing equal pay regardless of sex. 

- Hey ladies… How’s that workin’ out for ya?  

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!  

-Dick

Here We Go! Our First Podcast!

Well today’s the day!  My first Podcast.  Jackie and Big Al join me to sit around and shoot the breeze! And let’s face it, the breeze needs to be shot because it’s hotter than hell!  Stay cool and I hope you enjoy our first leap into cyber-casting!

My First Podcast 11 minutes 24 seconds 

-Dick

P.S. My web guy tells me you can subscribe to this feed in iTunes or your favorite podcast player to get all of our future podcasts. 

My First Podcast

Big Day Yesterday and Another Big Day Tomorrow!

Tomorrow, Friday,  we’ll be airing our very first “Podcast” here at dickpurtan.com, something that millions… okay thousands… well, okay… one or two of you have been asking for since I left the airwaves.  But seriously dear readers, soon to be listeners, I’ve received a lot of requests for us to “podcast” ever since we started the website and we’re finally ready to give it a go! Hope you “tune-in” right here tomorrow!  

My plan is to do our regular print format Monday through Thursday as we have been - and then turn Friday’s entry into a podcast.  Hope you’ll join us tomorrow as we begin this new venture! 

#####

Photo Courtesy of Jill PurtanIn the meantime, yesterday was a big day for me as the Detroit Historical Museum started a new Detroit tradition by capturing the handprints of Detroit “Legends” (and me) in cement.  I was very pleased to be included in the very first group honored.  My fellow “inductees” were Al Kaline, Elmore Leonard, Carmen Harlan & Dave Bing.  It was a great event despite the 90-some degree heat (we were outside!).  The handprints will be permanently placed along the entranceway to the Museum.  Next year they will announce the second set of inductees.  Below are some pictures from the event.  

Elmore Leonard, Yours Truly, Carmen Harlan, Dave Bing & Al Kaline. Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

 Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

Photo Courtesy of Tim Pamplin

Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

Photo Courtesy of Jill Purtan

My daughter (and our photographer!), Jill, me and my wife Gail!

Have a great day and LISTEN back here tomorrow, Friday, for our first Podcast! 

-Dick

He May Get His Just Desserts... But Thanks To His Wife, It Won't Be Pie!

The British Parliamentary hearings into the “News Of The World” hacking scandal took a Soupy-Sales-esque turn yesterday.  While the 80-year-old owner of the paper, media mogul Rupert Murdoch sat for questions, a would-be comedian and leftwing activist knows as Jonnie Marbles ran in the courtroom and tried to hit him with a shaving cream pie. But Murdoch’s 42-year-old Chinese wife, Wendi Deng spotted him, leapt up, slapped him with a left hook and shoved the pie back at him.  She is now known on the internet as “Charlie’s Angel”. 

- Now I understand the British expression, “Hell hath no fury like a woman sconed”.  

- She may be a “Charlie’s Angel” but in looking at a picture of Ms. Deng… she sure doesn’t look like Jacklyn Smith!

- Wendi has already been signed to star in a new reality show “When Would-Be Comedians Attack!”

Bill Gates Fortune Goes Down The Toilet?

After revolutionizing computers, Bill Gates in now seeking to revolutionize toilets.  A spokeswoman for his Foundation says nothing has done more to save lives and improve health that the toilet, but it’s reached only a third of the world, uses too much water and requires sewers.  So Gates is putting up $41 million to fund “reinventing the toilet”.  One idea for the project called, “Toilet 2.0” is creating a potty that turns human waste into fuel, fertilizer or drinking water. 

- It’s a good thing Gates is “flush” or he couldn’t afford a project like this. 

- Each toilet with be placed in a bathroom with a free “Window”. 

- If the toilet gets clogged, you just make a call and a guy in India guides you through the plunging process. 

- Depending on your needs, you can flip a switch and turn the toilet from a “2.0” to a “1.0”

- Apple is jumping into game… and has announced that it will soon be releasing the “iPeed”.