The Salvation Army Radiothon: Same Time, Different Station!

It’s February and for years that has meant two incredibly important events: The Salvation Army Radiothon and Big Al’s Birthday.  (Okay, so one is just a tad more important than the other).

I’ve received a lot of e-mails asking me that if my retirement last March signaled the end of our 16-Hour Radiothon benefiting the Army’s Bed and Bed Program.  And the answer is - absolutely not!  This program is far too important.  It hasn’t gone away, it’s just switched stations.  

This year, this crucial fundraiser will be broadcast on WJR 760-AM and will be hosted by WJR’s line-up of personalities. But a lot of things remain the same:  The Radiothon will take place, as always, at the Oakland Mall in Troy on the last Friday in February.  That’s just two weeks from today - Friday, February 25th. You can listen live (and hopefully donate!) from 6am to 10pm.  

Remember, the Salvation Army feeds on average 5000 people a day and shelters 570 people a night.  The Bed and Bread Trucks head out fully stocked about noon every day, 365 days a year, and return at night, only after everyone in line has gotten a good, warm meal - for many the only one they’ll get that day.  

I don’t need to remind you that, unfortunately, Detroit is the poorest of the major cities in this country - and the need for this feeding program has never been greater.

Although I won’t be hosting the Radiothon on the air, I have been, and will continue to, work behind the scenes to help insure that the transition from my old station to WJR is smooth and successful.  Thousands of lives depend on it.  As always I encourage you to donate $120 which feeds one person for one full year, or, if you can afford it, $240 which feeds two people in our community for an entire year.  But anything you can afford is, of course, welcome! You can even donate right now by calling 248-528-0760 or online at www.wjr.com. 

I’ll be posting reminders and more info on the this website and my Facebook page each day leading up to the event.  

And then there’s Big Al’s Birthday.  Today.  February 11th.  A day I can never forget (largely because Big Al mentions it everytime I talk to him, which is almost everyday!)  I remember the fun we used to have celebrating on the air and the fun we had picking out the perfect gifts for him.  One of the best (and most useful) was the electric nose and ear hair clipper that Rebekah got him a few years back.  It was a sort of “Personal Weed Whacker” and the only ones more excited about it than Al, were those of us who worked with him in the studio everyday.  

I haven’t decided what to get him this year… I was thinking of a membership to the “Saturated Fat of the Month Club”, but I figured he probably already has that.  If you have any ideas… let me know! 

So Happy Birthday Big Guy and to every one else, have a great weekend and I’ll see you back here on Monday!

-Dick 

Black Pumps And A "Cocaine White" Dress...

Lindsay Lohan showed up in an LA courtroom yesterday to plead “Not Guilty” to charges she stole a $2500 necklace from a Jewelry store.  But what really “stole” the show was her outfit…  

Lindsay showed up wearing a skin tight white lycra mini-dress.  She faces up to 3 and 1/2 years in the slammer if convicted and asked to take a lie-detector test to prove her innocence.   But Prosecutors said “no”, deeming the test unreliable.  

- I don’t know why they objected to the lie-dector… it was the same one they used on O.J. 

- I wish her lawyer good luck with that “If the necklace don’t fit, you must acquit” strategy.  

- Nothing say’s “I’m just a simple, honest girl-next-door” than showing up in front of a judge wearing something from the “Charlie Sheen Porn Family Collection”. 

- As she walked out of court she was overheard whispering to her lawyer, “A little song, a little dance… a little jewelry down my pants!”

- She wanted to steal the judges gavel… but there was no place to hide it!

It's A Pay-As-You-Glow Plan...

On a related note…

Linsday is being sued by a Tanning Salon… which claims she owes them $40,000 in back tanning-bed charges. 

- Maybe Lindsay’s just going for that “orange” look so her skin will match her prison jumpsuit. 

- Well there is a chronic shortage of sunshine in Southern California!

- She has to look good for all her court appearances!  

It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time...

Yesterday, NY Republican Rep. Chris Lee, who was just reelected in November, abruptly resigned effective immediately.  The move came after the gossip website Gawker.com posted a shirtless photo of Lee that he allegedly sent to a woman he was flirting with on Craig’s List.  He told the woman he was a divorced Lobbyist but used his real name. Lee apologized to his family and supporters and said he had to “work this out with my wife”. 

- It’s convenient that he was shirtless in the photo… so now his wife won’t have to rip it off him when she takes him to the cleaners. 

- Barney Frank had the picture blown up to poster size and has it hanging in his office.  

- This is why I only send shirtless photos of myself to people I know! 

- In his defense, it has been an unusually warm winter!

I Owe Everything to My Hooters!

Newly-elected Tennessee Republican state Rep. Julia Hurley has written an article for the Hooters’ company magazine, saying that her opponents tried and failed to use her time working as a a hooters waitress against her. She says that without Hooters, she “would not be as strong-willed and eager to become successful”.  

- In truth, without Hooters she’d be a guy.  

- Of all the women in the House and Senate I would have put my money on Nancy Pelosi as having been a Hooters girl. 

- This explains all the drooling from Democrats when she “reaches across the aisle”. 

If Only They Just Patted Each Other On The Butts...

Apparently, Super Bowl viewers weren’t that impressed by the Black Eyed Peas halftime show.  Animal Planet reports that a record 9.2 million viewers tuned into their alternate programming, “Puppy Bowl VII” which featuring nothing but cute puppies romping around a miniature football field and fighting over a chew toy.

- The best part was when a puppy named “Black Eye” peed in the red zone.  

- Maybe the Super Bowl would have been better off hiring Snoop Dogg. 

- They had a Labrador sing the National Anthem… unlike Christina Aguilera, at least it was able to “retrieve” all the words from it’s memory.

Office Space: The Final Frontier

The International Facility Management Association reports that if you think your office cubicle is closing in on you, you’re right. In 1994, the average cubicle contained 115 square feet of space.  By 2010, it was down to just 96 square feet.  

- If they get much smaller, you’re going to actually have to put your laptop on your lap. 

- And instead of a special parking spot, the “Employee of the Month” now gets a free bag of Cheetos out of the vending machine! 

- This gives people a lot less room to hide the office supplies their going to steal!

Grow, George, Grow!

George Stephanopolous turns 50 today. 

Which means he should finally be hitting his growth spurt! 

 

 Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow!

- Dick

No-go Robo?

A single Tweet to Mayor Bing suggesting that a statue of “Robocop” - the hero of the 1987 film based in a futuristic crime-ridden Detroit has turned into a movement. When the mayor thanked the person for his suggestion but said “there are no plans for a “Robocop” statue”, fans of the movie came out of the woodwork. They’ve started a petition to get the statue erected and one woman said, “Do you know how freaking awesome it would be for my 7-year-old to look up at a 10-foot statue of RoboCop?” 

- It sounds like this woman has been hit in the head by another statue in Detroit:  The Joe Louis Fist!

- If they want to put up a statue of someone people associate with a crime-ridden Detroit, I vote for Monica Conyers!

But Will The Handcuffs Match The Necklace?

Tuesday, LA porsecutors announced that they will charge Lindsay Lohan with one count of felony grand theft for allegedly stealing a $2500 necklace from a jewelry store.  It could get her up to three years in state prison - NOT the revolving door L.A. jail for celebrities.  Lindsay reportedly is saying privately, “I’m pleading ‘not guilty’ because I’M NOT!”

- She also insists she was NOT drunk or high at the time she was NOT stealing the necklace. 

- If she wanted a particular piece of jewelry, she should have done what prior actresses in Hollywood did and just borrowed it from Liberace!  

The Way To A Woman's Heart Is Through Non-Committal...

Science has proven what many long suspected:  women are attracted to guys who won’t commit.  47 University of Virginia undergrads were shown random photos of men and told that those men had seen the girl’s facebook pages and rated how much they liked them. Women were least attracted to men they thought had rated them as only average.  They were more attracted to men who they thought had rated them as very attractive.  But most attractive of all to the women were the third group of men:  Those whose feelings about them were not revealed so the women didn’t know whether the men liked them or not.  It supports the notion that if you want to attract a woman, play hard to get and don’t let her know how you feel about her. 

- So guys the best way to keep a woman interested in you, is to “forget” Valentine’s Day.  She’ll be so interested in you that you’ll never hear the end of it!

- And don’t try to get her to “Tweet” you on the first date! 

- To be honest, none of the girls used their real pictures on Facebook so the guys opinions were pretty much moot.  

OMG! I'm Like Such A Sinner!

The Catholic Church has given its blessing to a new iPhone app that guides worshippers through confession. The “Confession App” leads users through an “Examination of Conscience” to help them figure out what their sins are, and suggests possible sins based on the user’s age, sex and marital status.  But the Church stresses that this just helps iPhone users prepare for confession, it doesn’t replace it.  You still have to see a priest in person.   

- Just make sure your mother doesn’t know your password!

- When I was a kid I didn’t need an iPhone to tell me what my sins were.  It seems like everytime I stepped in that booth, the Priest knew more about me than I did.  

- Coming next:  The iPray!

- Who needs this app? I prefer the old fashioned way of faxing my sins in. 

- I can see it now… “Feeling guilty about cheating on your wife?  There’s an App for that!”

- THIS JUST IN:  If you see white smoke coming out of the chimney at the Vatican… it means the Pope got a new iPad!

Would Somebody Please Kill The Spider...Man!

The most expensive (and dangerous) muiscal in Broadway history, the $65 million “Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark” was supposed to open officially over the weekend.  But actors were still dangling helplessly from wires, so the producers decided to keep it in previews for another 5 weeks while charging up to 300 bucks a ticket. Critics have blasted the show, which features music from U2 frontman Bono, as “erratic”, “incoherent” and “a shrill insipid mess”.  

- How can this thing miss?  Who wouldn’t want to see a guy in red and blue tights dance to Bono Songs?

- Bono himself admits the show needs tweaking saying, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”. 

- How about cancelling the Bono songs and make Spiderman dance to music by the Black Eyed Peas and Christina Aquilera?  How could that go wrong?

It seems to me if they would have used some Lawrence Welk tunes and called it “Spiderman: Turn Off The Bubble Machine” it would have worked out better.  

Kid-ding Around With Healthcare

Jonathan Gruber, the MIT health economist who helped craft the Obamacare bill, says his children have talked him into creating a comic book that will explain the health care reform bill to confused Americans.

- It’ll be the world’s first 2000 page comic book.  

- Ironically, the guy who most needs health care right now is a comic book hero known as “Spider-Man”. 

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1933, the Postal Telegram Company of New York introduced the singing telegram.  

- Up until then, you had to find out your grandpa died without the catchy melody. 

Have a great day and I’ll see you right back here tomorrow!

- Dick

Chrysler Scores 100% With 200!

Kudos to Chrysler!  The two-minute commercial they ran during the Superbowl that showcased not only their Chrysler 200 but the city of Detroit has gotten national attention.  The spot, featuring Eminem, even got a segment on NBC Nightly news.  And a lot of people saw it… a whole lot… 162.9 million people to be exact.  (If you don’t count those who “answered natures call” when it aired).    

This year’s game was the highest rated television program is history, followed by last year’s Super Bowl featuring the Colts v. Saints, and the final episode of M*A*S*H which moved to number three.  As for the effectiveness of the commercial, after the game, “Chrysler 200” was the second most searched term on Google, beating out the halftime act, “Black Eyed Peas”.  In fact, traffic at the online car research site Edmunds.com shot up an astounding 1619% for the Chrysler 200 in the hours after the game.  

SIDE NOTE: The Super Bowl ad voted most popular by viewers was the commercial featuring a young boy telling his mother’s date to keep his hands off his mom and his Doritos!

And now… on with the news!

Livonia, Camera, Action!!!

Another pick-me-up for Detroit… Today, independant film producer/director, Phillipe Martinez,  will publicly unveil his new movie studio, Maxsar Digital Studios, in Livonia.  The full-service studio is already up and running, with Michiganders doing everything from screenwriting to casting to film editing.   The studio is currently working on “Scar 23”, a $23 million dollar sci-fi thriller. The studio hopes to employ 100 Metro-Detroiters by December. 

- According to the trailor, “Scar 23 re-creates the terrifying story of Joan River’s 23rd facelift”.  

- If you only see one movie made at a studio in Livonia this year, make it this one! 

- Big Al auditioned for the film, but was turned down since it’s not being filmed in the wide-screen format. 

"Union-ited... And It Feels So Good?"

The TSA has given permission to airport security screeners to unionize, and it’s set off a battle in Congress. The TSA says it will just give them collective bargaining over things like work shifts - but will not grant the power to go on strike.  But Senate Republicans say letting union bosses into the airport screening process could lead to a homeland security disaster.  

- Basically you’ll be able to get through security with an AK-47 in your pants… as long as you wait for the unionized screeners to go on their mandatory break!

- So if I time it right, does this mean I won’t have to take my shoes off anymore?   

- During invasive pat-downs the union guys won’t be looking for junk in your trunk, they’ll be looking for Jimmy Hoffa! 

New Cameras To Throw Paper At!

Ex-MSNBC liberal commentator Keith Olbermann has landed a new job. He’s reportedly moving to Al Gore’s Current TV Channel.  An anonymous source told the NY Times that to get Olbemannn, they had to give him a stake in Current TV.  

- Which is known on Wall Street as “The Worst Stock…IN THE WORLD!”

- They signed the deal in the Arctic Circle while they were up there looking for cracks in the ice.  

- With Olbermann’s reputation as being extremely hard to deal with, look for Al Gore’s new documentary, “An Inconvenient Keith”. 

Feeling Sno-mantic?

An AP-Weather Underground poll found the recent freezing weather has had serious effects on people’s romantic moods.  8% said winter makes them feel sexier than any other season, and two-thirds said their sex lives improved during the series of blizzards.  Given a choice of ways to keep warm, more people chose cuddling-up next to someone else’s warm body than putting on a Snuggie.  

- Why not do both?  After all, the Snuggie keeps you warm and “keeps your hands free”!

- Speaking of which… they should make one for outdoor use called “The Shovelie”.

Not everyone’s temperature goes up when the thermometer drops.  15% of those surveryed said being stuck in the house because of snow and ice made them have less sex than usual. 

- Of course that’s because the person they usually have sex with doesn’t live in their house.