Yesterday, during China’s 70th Anniversary as a Communist country, they unveiled a nuclear missile that they claim can strike the United States in thirty minutes.

- It’s an improvement on their old “Amazon Prime” missile which arrived in two days.


Two former producers of the Jerry Springer Show claim that it was “all fake” and that their real job “was to get pretty girls, strippers and porn stars for Jerry to sleep with”.

- Upon hearing the news Jerry threw a fit. And a couple of chairs.


88 year old Regis Philbin is trying to convince 72 year old soap star Susan Lucci to join him for a new nationwide singing tour.

- The two were seen talking on the set of her new show, “All My Grandchildren”.


A Florida Church bought a local strip club because they needed more space for their growing congregation.

- In keeping with the buildings tradition they’ll have sermons every hour and 50 cent wine after 10pm.


Prince Harry closed his African tour by calling on the world to end “greed, apathy, and selfishness” so we can fight climate change.

- Hey Harry… How about you go first?


A pic has surfaced of Joe Biden, his son Hunter and one of Hunter’s co-workers from the Ukrainian company golfing together in 2014 - although Joe says he and his son NEVER discussed his Billion Dollar deals with Ukraine and China.

- And we all know men NEVER LIE about what happens on the Golf Course.


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!