PETA has asked officials in Maine for permission to erect a gravestone to mark the site of a truck accident that resulted in the deaths of 4500 lobsters. 

- Visitors to the grave will be encouraged to bring flowers and drawn butter. 

- It's a great way to give a tragedy a fairy Tails ending. 

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Sarah Palin - John McCain's VP nominee in 2008 - will not be at his funeral because she's "not invited". 

- She'll be part of the service however because she can see the National Cathedral from her house! 

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A new study found that people who eat large quantities of meat and cheese will live longer than people who don’t.

- At last! A joint study by Arby's and Velveeta. 

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Researchers claim that eating 9 tablespoons of Olive Oil a week works better for a man's "performance" than taking Viagra. 

- NOTE: If you take Olive Oil and your uh, you know, lasts more than 4 hours... see a Chef immediately. 

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A couple from Texas has been charged with abandonment after leaving their 11 year old daughter home alone while they came to Detroit for a concert. 

- We tried to reach a Mr. Macaulay Culkin for comment, but he was too busy booby trapping his house for burglars, to take the call. 

- Police reported injuries to the first officer entering the house, who slipped on a floor full of marbles and a second officer who was hit in the face with a frying pan. 

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A brawl broke out on a flight from London to Ibiza after a drunken woman gave lap dances to strangers, flashed her breasts and did cartwheels down the aisle. 

- Air Marshalls were totally okay with it until the cartwheel thing. 

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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick