Olympic Gold Medals aren't worth as much as you might think. They're actually made of more than 95% scrap silver making each one worth just $587 dollars. 

- Which is exactly why I gave up training for the Men's Synchronized Swim Team.

*****

Republicans have released a two and half minute video which they say proves that Hillary Clinton perjured herself in her email investigation testimony. 

- The Obama Administration has vowed to investigate the claim... right after the election. 

*****

New video has gone viral of a diaper wearing monkey attacking an employee in a Walmart parking lot in Ohio. 

- There were actually 3 monkeys involved... a Mr. M. Nesmith, a Mr. P. Tork, and a Mr. M. Dolenz. 

- The monkey was mad because he thought the Greeter was wearing a nicer diaper. 

*****

A man will not face charges after riding his horse into a Taco Bell in Texas. 

- I think the real question here is why he didn't just go to the Ride-thru window? 

- The majority of Texans support the guy on the horse...according to a Gallop poll. (Bada boom!)

*****

Burger King has introduced a new half-burger-half-burrito called the "Whopperito" that packs 570 calories and 26 grams of fat.

- For those of you watching your weight... they're offering the "Whopperito Jr."

- I thought "Whopperito" was the name of the Cisco Kid's sidekick. 

*****

Singer Adele says she's turned down the NFL's offer to headline the 2017 Super Bowl Halftime Show... but the NFL says they never asked her to appear. 

- Hello? 

*****

Panda Express says their restaurants will soon be offering "The Chork", which is half chopstick and half fork. 

- I thought "The Chork" was a new dance craze started by Miley Cyrus. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick