President Obama announced that Mt. McKinley is being renamed back to it's original Native American name, "Denali".
- He also announced that the Washington Monument will now be known as "Big White Pointy Thing That Faces Sky".
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NJ Governor Chris Christie says he wants to track immigrants the same way FedEx tracks packages.
- The hard part will be getting the immigrants to wear the bar code stickers.
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Researchers say that King Tut's manhood was fully erect when he was mummified, but that it was broken off when his tomb was discovered.
- Suspects include an archeologist and a Ms. L. Bobbitt.
- Steve Martin could do a whole other song about this... "Howdya Get So HAPPY? King Tut...Tut...".
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Sleep well last night? A new study shows that people who get less than 6 hours of sleep are 4.2 times more likely to catch a cold.
- Which explains why my voice may have sounded deep on the radio all those years. I was sick!
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Apple is expected to unveil their newest iPhones on September 12th.
- And I will unveil my current Flip-Phone to anyone who stops by my house that same day.
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The Wall Street Journal apologized to the President of China for Tweeting that their economy is "a chink in his armor".
- They devoted a whole column to the apology. Actually two... Column A and Column B.
- A lot of papers would have been too Almond Boneless Chicken to apologize.
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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick