The world's oldest living person, Miseo Okawa of Japan, turns 117 years young today! Her birthday celebration was held Wednesday - one day early. 

- You know...Just in case. 

- She said she wanted to spend the day surrounded by kids...so Abe Vigoda and Betty White stopped by. 

- Mrs. Okawa, who was born in 1898 says her life has gone by in "a flash". 

- And it almost ended that way too when the 117 candles on her cake came close to igniting her oxygen tank. 

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Presidential hopeful Ben Carson told CNN that being gay is an absolute choice, since many men go into Prison straight and come out gay. 

- Um, I wouldn't say "Gay"...I'd say "Experienced". 

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A University of Michigan study found a surge in heart attacks — 25% more compared to any other day — in the first full workday after the "spring-forward" time change. That means NEXT Monday! 

- So ironically, "Springing Forward" will cause some people to clutch their chest and "Fall Back". 

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Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus says they will do away with their iconic elephant acts by 2018 due to concerns over their treatment. 

- Apparently it's time for the elephants to "pachyderm" their trunks, and move on. 

- What about Clown Cruelty? I mean 27 guys traveling in one car sounds downright unsafe to me. 

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McDonalds announced that they'll stop selling chicken treated with antibiotics. 

- But they will begin offering a special  "Ranch & Penicillin" dipping sauce with their McNuggets. 

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A Nigerian woman filed for, and was granted a divorce, after claiming that her husband's manhood was too big. Her husband did not dispute the claim.

- Well duh!!!

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Ellen DeGeneres donated $10,000 to the girl whose photo of "the dress" crashed the internet. 

-That's a lot of green! Or pink...depending on who's looking at it. 

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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday with a brand new Podcast!

-Dick