Prez Trump told a rally crowd that his hair “May not be great, but… it's better than most of my friends' who are the same age”.

- Elizabeth Warren said she doesn’t care what his hair looks like… she just wants to scalp him.


Apple will unveil three new iPhone models this afternoon.

- In other big tech news, this morning I put a new piece of tape on the back of my FLIP PHONE to hold the battery in.


According to the latest polls, Joe Biden is hanging on to a small lead over his Democrat competitors.

- It’s nice to see Joe hanging onto something other than women.


A woman in Oregon has opened a new catering service called “Meals for Heels” that delivers late-night meals to strippers and dominatrixes.

- It’s perfect for S&M ladies who don’t have time to whip something up of their own.


A study at the University of Sussex in England found that people feel “thinner and lighter” when they smell lemons - and feel “thicker and heavier” when they smell vanilla.

- Thus the expression, “When life hands you lemons… Squeeze ‘em on your Vanilla Wafers and you’ll feel like a Supermodel”.


Sarah Palin’s husband of 31 years has filed for divorce citing “Incompatibility of Temperament”.

- Sarah said she’s saddened but added, “On the bright side… I can see the courthouse from my front porch!”


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!