Vladimir Putin issued a list of Americans who are not allowed to visit Russia as a response to U.S. Sanctions. 

- Well there goes the annual Purtan family trip to Moscow to take pics of the grandkids next to an embalmed Lenin under glass. 

- Basically the only American NOT on the list is Eric Snowden. 


Katie Holmes was spotted at Disney World taking pictures with tourists. 

- She did refuse to go on "It's a Small World" because it reminds her of Tom Cruise.


This is the date the swallows traditionally return to the San Juan Capistrano Mission in California. 

- And boy are their arms tired. 

- Unfortunately one of the birds didn't make it. He fell off the radar about an hour after he took off and nobody can find him. 


The White House's executive pastry chef has resigned. 

- I guess it just wasn't any fun making "Cauliflower Cupcakes".


A study by the University of Toronto says that saturated fat doesn't lead to heart disease.

- The study was funded by Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. 


An 88-year old mobster is accused of bullying his neighbors at a Florida nursing home. 

- He told one woman she'd soon be sleeping with her great grandson's pet fishes. 

- What's he gonna do? Hire two guys to break someone's hip? 


TV Infomercial star Kevin Trudeau has been sentenced to 10 years in the slammer for scamming millions of consumers with his fake medical cures, financial tips and weight loss books. 

- Trudeau panicked when the judge said "But Wait...There's More!!!"

- When he heard the sentence he immediately dropped two pounds...of course that was just "water weight". 

- Look for his new book "How To Turn The Prison Commisary Into Your Own Cash Cow!" coming soon. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!