The Olympic Games in Sochi are off to a rough start and they haven't even begun yet. Journalists and athletes say they've been warned not to drink (or even touch) the "extremely dangerous" hotel water - which comes out thick and yellow colored, they aren't allowed to flush the toilet, and are asked to put used toilet tissue in a bag next to the commode.
- In Russia, they're all considered Five Star Hotels.
There are also reports that the bathrooms in the hotels each contain four folding chairs.
- Apparently they want the guys on the firing squad to be comfortable while waiting to see if you flush the toilet.
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Kremlin officials are claiming that Vladimir Putin's girlfriend will be given the honor of lighting the Olympic flame. She's a rhythmic gymnast.
- Apparently Putin wants to show his appreciation for all her awesome dismounts.
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Actor Tom Sizemore has come out with a detailed account of an affair he says happened between Actress Elizabeth Hurley and Bill Clinton while he was Prez. Sizemore says Clinton flew the Austin Power's star to the White House where they had sex while Hillary slept in the next room.
- If she slept with that going on in the next room, is it any wonder she slept through Benghazi?
- In a shocking development...Bill is denying the affair.
- Hurley is also poo-pooing the story saying "I did not have sex with that man...Bill Clinton."
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Officials have confirmed that a private plane carrying Justin Bieber and his father across the country was so filled with pot smoke that the pilots had to wear oxygen masks.
- Sounds like we've the front runner for this year's "Father of The Year" Award.
- The pilots had to put on the masks because they know it wasn't smart to mix pot with the alcohol they were already drinking.
- They were also wearing ear plugs...just in case Justin started singing.
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After 22 years, Jay Leno will host his final "Tonight Show" tonight. Jimmy Fallon will take over on the 17th...
- ...And will probably only last until the ratings go down and NBC rehires Leno.
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IRS employees are getting $62 million in bonuses this year.
- And there's "not a smidgen" of a chance that any of them will forget to report that extra income.
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Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow with a Podcast worthy of a gold medal (well...at least a Bronze!)
-Dick