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RIP... Aretha Franklin who died at 9:50 this morning at her home in Detroit at the age of 76... ironically on the 41st Anniversary of the death of Elvis Presley. The Queen of Soul passed away peacefully surrounded by her family after a lengthy battle with Pancreatic Cancer. During a career that spanned nearly 60 years, Aretha... who Rolling Stone once named the "Greatest Singer of All Time"... charted an astounding 73 hits on the Billboard Top 100. We'll "Say A Little Prayer" For You, Aretha - and for the loved ones you left behind.

*****

64 year old John Travolta and 69 year old Olivia Newton John showed off their old "Danny & Sandy" dance moves at the 40th Anniversary Party for the movie "Grease". 

- They also belted out a spirited person of "You're The One That I Want... But I've Fallen & I Can't Get Up". 

*****

Happy Birthday Madonna!!! The Material Girl turns the Big 6-0 today. 

- To mark the occasion, she'll use Champagne to wash down her daily dose of Penicillin. 

- At 60... the only "Material" she's interested in is super-absorbent and leak-proof. 

*****

According to a new report, so many Millennials have tattoos that employers are no longer using "exposed ink" as a reason to turn someone down for a job. 

- And here I was worried that my "Turn The Other Cheek" Tramp-Stamp would keep me from getting hired as a Greeter at Walmart!

*****

Kim Kardashian posted a topless photo of herself lying on a bed wearing barely-there bikini underwear.

- Put another way: It's Thursday.

*****

The FDA has approved, "Natural Cycles" the first-ever Birth Control App that basically uses the Rhythm Method to prevent pregnancy.

- We used the same method. Or as we call it today... "Daughter #6".

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick

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Vermont voters nominated the nation's first Transgender Gubernatorial candidate in their Primary Tuesday. 

- Apparently, she's the whole Package. 

*****

They'll be some new items on the menu at Ford Field when the Lions play this fall... including Chocolate Cinnamon-Sugar Nachos topped with marshmallow cream and Nutella. 

- Apparently the goal is to get you so high on sugar you won't care if the Lions lose. 

*****

Couples who criticise each other and roll their eyes during disagreements have higher levels of inflammation which can lead to health problems including "Leaky Gut Syndrome".

- Wasn't "Leaky the Gut" one of the guys suspected of taking out Jimmy Hoffa? 

*****

Scientists say the Big Toe evolved so humans could walk upright and still have the dexterity to  climb trees. 

- And these days, it gives people who disagree politically better balance to kick the other person in the butt. 

- So basically, before the Big Toe... we were all Thumbs. 

*****

A music fan in Britain claims he was physically assaulted by the lead singer of a Punk Rock band after he booed the singer's anti-Trump comments. 

- I think the real story here is that a guy at a Punk Rock concert is called "a music fan". 

*****

An Economics Professor at the University of British Colombia claims sex robots could Improve marriages by eliminating the need for husbands and wives to argue about sex. 

- Thus the expression, "Not tonight dear... I have a robot!"

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick 

 

 

 

 

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A Mississippi man, who claimed he was abducted by an Alien back in 1973 says he "had no neck with gray wrinkled skin".

- This man was obviously abducted by Harvey Weinstein.

*****

Two sisters in Connecticut - who were both Lunch Ladies at local schools - are accused of stealing almost a half Million dollars in student lunch money. 

- A Half-Mil... or as the Lunch Ladies called it "A Whole Lotta Tater Tots". 

- They were caught up in the great "Hairnet Dragnet" sweep of School Cafeterias. 

*****

Experts claim the "Dutch Diet" - which allows dairy and even pastries along with vegetables & fish - may be the key to weight loss and longevity. 

- Dollars to Donuts say this ain't gonna work. 

*****

New research shows Google keeps track of where you are - down to the square foot - even when you're NOT using GoogleMaps. 

- So your friends may not know you're texting them from a toilet, but Google does. 

*****

A last second glitch delayed NASA's historic mission to visit the Sun on Saturday.

- Dontcha hate it when you're leaving on vacation to catch some Sun and your flight is delayed? 

*****

Kanye West announced that he'd be interested in "Hooking Up" with one of wife Kim Kardashian's sisters. 

- His mother-in-law Kris Jenner immediately responded, "Not so fast! Wait until I get the camera crew!"

***** 

Thoughts and Prayers go out to the great Aretha Franklin and her family as she receives Hospice care in her home. 

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick 

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President Trump is being mocked on Social Media for sending out a tweet about "Text MASSAGES" instead of "Text messages". 

- Trump responded, "What's all the Covfefe about??? SAD!!!!!"

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A soapy Ohio man ran outside naked and rinsed in a Water Main Break after his H2O shut off mid-way through his shower. (See pic) 

- Thus the old adage, "When Life Hands You Lemons... Show Your Neighbors Your Privates". 

*****

A last second glitch delayed NASA's historic mission to visit the Sun on Saturday. 

- Dontcha hate it when you're leaving on vacation to catch some Sun and your flight is delayed? 

*****

A French theme park has trained cows to walk around and pick up trash. 

- And to make it like Cedar Point, all the cows wear an "I'm With Stupid" t-shirt. 

*****

A growing number of TV shows have inspired their own line of beers aimed at fans. 

- You haven't lived until you've a had an ice-cold "SpongeBob Beer Pants". 

- The same goes for shows in re-runs like "Barney Miller Lite" and "Ale in the Family". 

*****

More and more of the "Super Rich" are paying 100 grand to have their brains frozen when they die in the hopes of being brought back to life 200 years from now after the disease that killed them is cured.  

- I'm gonna save a ton of cash by getting Brain Freeze from a Slurpee at 7-Eleven. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick 

 

 

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Citing an effort to make the school more "inclusive", an Atlanta elementary school is not starting the day with the Pledge of Allegiance. Instead, students will recite the school's "Wolf Pack Chant". 

- Nothing says "I Love My Country" like "Eat 'em up! Eat 'em up! Go Wolves, Go!"

*****

A Florida woman who was high on meth was arrested after she stripped naked and ran around a park because she thought she was being chased by a giant spider. 

- My wife Gail would do that if she saw a regular size spider. 

*****

The Department of Homeland Security busted five people for trafficking $73 Million worth of counterfeit Air Jordans. 

- $73 Million? That works out to like 17 pairs!

- Their attorney said, "Don't judge them until you've walked a mile in their Fake Shoes". 

*****

Officials are trying to figure out how a woman's voice, speaking in Chinese, suddenly blared over the intercom at a National Weather Service office Wednesday saying "You have a package from Amazon at the Chinese Embassy. Press 1 for more details".

- Of course when you pick up a package at the Chinese Embassy you want to pick up another one an hour later.  

*****

CBS will begin filming a new dating show - "Love Island" - where contestants fly to a remote Island and have to "pair up" or face elimination. 

- It's a combination of Survivor, The Bachelor, and The Real Housewives of Boblo Island. 

- And by "pair up" they mean "have sex". 

*****

This Saturday, NASA will launch a probe that will travel almost 90 million miles over 7 years to visit the Sun. 

- The probe is covered in solar panels and Coppertone. 

*****

A survey found that, in terms of Caffeine, 7-Eleven coffee gives you the best bang for your buck. 

- Plus... there's always a day-old hot dog available to use as a stirrer for your cream and sugar. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

 

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Facebook says it "regrets" an algorithm mistake that caused balloons and confetti to appear in posts about a deadly earthquake in Indonesia.

- At this point Facebook apologizes more than Mel Gibson at a Bar Mitzvah. 

*****

An Amish man in Michigan has started an AMISH Uber service, using his horse and buggy to provide rides for $5.  

- It's just like Uber but instead of using your phone, you order by yelling into a Cheese Wheel. 

*****

O.J. Simpson was caught on tape telling fans at a Las Vegas restaurant that "Being a felon ain't all bad". 

- Read all about it in his new book: "If I Said It". 

*****

A carjacking woman is under arrest after she fled into a field, where a group of cows chased her down and led her straight to the police. 

- She's been charged with a Moo-ving Violation. 

- It may seem like an Udderly ridiculous story, but it's true. 

*****

An Oklahoma man was arrested after he was caught having sex with a pony in the middle of a field. 

- Find out more in the new movie: "Fifty Shades of Hay". 

- His wife was furious when she found out he was having an affair with his Secretariat. 

*****

A company called "The Fit" is now selling "The World's Smallest Condoms" for men who don't quite fill out the ones you normally find at the drug store. 

- It takes a big man to admit he needs a small condom.

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick 

 

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Employers say they are struggling with how to handle problematic tweets from their employees. 

- And that's just at the White House. 

*****

The LA Rams and New Orleans Saints will make NFL history this fall by including males on their cheerleading squads. 

- The guys will do the same moves as the girls, but they'll have smaller Pom-Poms. 

*****

Stormy Daniel's attorney is denying that he's ever had intimate contact with Stormy, saying "I've never had sexual relations with this woman". 

- Bill Clinton immediately accused him of Plagarism. 

The lawyer added that he thinks of Stormy as "a sister". 

- Or as Millennials call her "A Sister Who's Been With A Lot Of Misters". 

*****

A New Jersey woman thought she was paying for a struggling man’s cup of coffee at a gas station, but it turned out to be country music star Keith Urban - who is worth $75 million.

- Look for Keith's new song: "I Lost My Pick-Up Truck and My Dog... But I Got A FREE Cup Of Coffee!"

*****

Lady Gaga will perform 27 shows at the Park Hotel in Las Vegas this December. 

- She says she'll spend this Fall rehearsing and thawing out her costume. 

- She'll appear in a theater... and her meat dress will appear at the Midnight Buffet. 

*****

Two elderly German men wandered out of a nursing home and were found at a heavy metal festival. 

- The men said it was "just like Woodstock!" except this time, instead of LSD they took Lipitor. 

- Cops found the two men dancing to the Guns 'N Roses hit "Sweet GRANDchild 'O Mine". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick 

 

 

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A Federal Judge has issued a temporary restraining order to stop the production of 3-D printed guns. 

- Printing guns?? I can't even print an email!

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As more cities ban disposable straws, there's a new problem: Counterfeit reusable straws.

- Don't feel bad if you get duped... There's a Sucker born every minute. 

*****

Kylie Jenner has been named the new face of Instagram. 

- She's also the new face of Kylie Jenner. 

*****

A growing number of British women are smearing toothpaste on their chests in order to increase their breast size. 

- Oh sure... it sounds fun, until somebody gets hurt Flossing. 

*****

Some clerics in Saudi Arabia say they're against the recent decision to allow women to drive because:  "driving could damage women’s ovaries" and "women possess only half a brain — and half of that is used for shopping". 

- Attention Saudi Clerics. The 6th Century called and they want their Medical Books back. 

*****

Two sets of 24-year-old identical twins in Michigan will get married in Grass Lake near Ann Arbor this weekend. 

Which reminds of a joke I heard years ago...

Q: Why did the Siamese Twins move to England? 

A: So the other one could drive! (No PC comments please!)

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick

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A new survey found that Marines tend to drink more, smoke more and participate in riskier sex with more partners than members of other branches of the military.

- You don't think that's the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

*****

According to former Michigan QB Wilton Speight, Coach Jim Harbaugh doesn't want players to eat chicken because chickens are "a nervous bird".

- So... at long last we know why Chickens can't fly... They're too nervous! 

*****

On this date in 1988, the last "Playboy Club" in the U.S. closed in Lansing. 

- I was never in a Playboy Club, but I did read their brochure once... for the articles. 

*****

Bob Woodard, of Watergate fame, will release a new behind-the-scenes-of-the-Trump-White-House book on September 11th. 

- The book is called "All the President's Tweets". NOT. 

*****

TMZ's Harvey Levin asked Alex Trebek, who has hosted Jeopardy for 30+ years what the chances are that he'll retire when his contract is up in 2020.

- Alex said the chances are "50-50", but I'm not buyin' it because Alex didn't say "WHAT is 50-50?".  

*****

According to health care experts, Bernie Sanders' FREE "Medicare for All" plan would cost $32.6 TRILLION over 10 years, .

- In other words, you won't have to pay for YOUR Health Care... but you'll have to pay for everyone else's! 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick 

 

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Caps off to Tiger-Greats & '84 World Series Champs Jack Morris and Alan Trammel who were inducted in the Baseball Hall of Fame over the weekend! Hopefully next up...next year.. will be "Sweet Lou" Whitaker!!

*****

CBS CEO Les Moonves has been accused of Sexual Harassment by six women. 

- CBS is even doing a show about it... "60 Seconds". 

*****

Stormy Daniels will make $650,000 by appearing on one episode of the British version of the reality show "Big Brother". 

- The TV show is not to be confused with the adult film she made by the same name. 

*****

A new study out of Penn State found that if you wake up thinking your day is going to be stressful, you’re going to feel stressed even if nothing stressful ends up happening.

- Great... Something else to stress about.

*****

According to a new study, 1 in 5 people between the ages of 18 and 24 don't know what an STD is.  

- They think "Syphilis" and "Gonorrhea" are the names of Kim Kardashian's kids. 

*****

A Palace insider claims that members of the Royal Family sometimes have to stay up later than they want because it's considered "bad form" to go to bed before the Queen.

- Luckily, most nights she falls asleep in the Royal La-Z-Boy about 8:30... right after the "Golden Girls" re-run on TV Land.

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick 

 

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Mark Zuckerberg lost huge yesterday when Facebook stock fell 20%. He lost over $16 Billion.

- I know how he feels... I own FB stock, and I lost 16 Bucks!

*****

A Michigan man was arrested for climbing Mount Rushmore and ending up underneath George Washington's nose. 

- Amazingly, the man's climb and arrest was predicted hundreds of years ago by Nostril-Damus. 

*****

Larry Nassar has filed for re-sentencing, claiming that he was attacked in prison.

- Thus the expression:  "The Shoe Is On The Other Foot". 

*****

An apartment complex in Grosse Pointe is using a new DNA service called "PooPrints" that can identify dogs whose owners don't pick up their "droppings". 

- The people who analyze the "samples" are known as "Pooper Snoopers". 

*****

A bunch of companies in Japan are using high tech sensors that blasts employees with cold air if they fall asleep on the job.

- Why don't they just throw a glass of cold water in their face like my mother did to me when I wouldn't get out of bed for school? 

*****

Police in Tennessee have arrested a man who stripped naked at a McDonalds and did jumping jacks in the women's bathroom. 

- And just like that sales of McNuggets plummeted. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick 

 

 

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The Orion spaceship is on display on the White House Lawn this week as part of President Trump's "Made in American" Product Showcase. 

- Oh... I thought it was Melania's escape pod. 

*****

A study out of Johns Hopkins found that Dogs DO sense when their owners are upset and will do anything to try to calm their owner down. 

- LabraDoodles will even draw you a happy picture! 

*****

Officials in Japan say that plastic "Sex Dolls" are on the way to replacing real women. As proof, they say the birth rate fell by one million last year. 

- If you want to date someone who's part-plastic, part-human you can always hit-on a Kardashian.

*****

A man was arrested after he stripped naked at a Planet Fitness gym, and struck a Yoga pose. His attorney said the man took the gym's "Judgment Free Zone" slogan too seriously.

- The lawyer said the man also once flew naked on a plane because of the slogan, "He Loves To Fly... And It Shows!"

***** 

85 year old Yoko Ono is set to release a new anti-war album in the fall. It will be low on music and center more on the spoken word. 

- There's a "spoken word" for people who listened to Yoko last album... "STOP!!!".

*****

April the Giraffe is pregnant again! 

- So you can't get pregnant from a toilet seat, but apparently "necking" is another story.

*****

Thanks for all of your comments yesterday! Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

 

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I was amazed by some of the reactions generated by yesterday's post about what Hillary Clinton wore during a stage appearance at an event in NYC. It wasn't about her weight or body type, it was about her choice of attire - a housecoat or Muu Muu (as many called it) - at a very public outing. 

First and foremost, this is intended to be a Humorous Blog. Every day my daughter Jackie and I scour the news for what we hope are "interesting" stories, and try to put a unique and comedic spin on them.  When it comes to politics, we reach across both side of the aisle - the same as I did on the radio for 45 years and have done in this forum for the last eight.

And as I do everyday, I read each and every response posted here on Facebook. Yesterday, I noticed "outrage" by some never-seen-before names as well as regular readers who took umbrage with what they called "fat-shaming". To say I was fat-shaming is a distortion of the facts; Unfair and Untrue. The post had to do with Hillary Clinton's unusual choice of outfits at a very public appearance. Not whether she was fat, thin or in-between. Nothing more. Nothing less. 

Over my 45 years on Detroit radio, I commented on events and people of all kinds, including myself. It's worked pretty well for me... and I will continue regardless of some people's attempts to fuel their anger by fanning imaginary smoke from a non-existent fire. 

Thanks for taking the time to read this. See you back here tomorrow!

-Dick

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Hillary Clinton appeared on stage at a festival in NYC over the weekend looking, well, you be the judge. 

- I think we finally know where she's hiding the emails. 

*****

Meanwhile, pics have surfaced of Bill & Hillary having an intimate dinner with Harvey Weinstein just weeks after she lost the election. 

- After looking at this picture, we know why Harvey's never been accused of hitting on Hillary. (Bill either). 

*****

A West Bloomfield man has created an App that will tell you what breed a dog is by analyzing a single photo. 

- In a related story... you can find out if a dog is a boy or a girl using the new "Pointer or Setter" app. 

*****

Gatorade announced that they will launch customizable sports drinks that come with your name on the bottle as part of their new "Individual Hydration" program. 

- Remember the good old days when "Individual Hydration" meant getting a glass of water for yourself at the kitchen sink? 

*****

An online pastor is predicting that a Super Blood Moon will cause the world to end in late August. 

- This comes as shocking news to half the country who thought the world already ended on Election Day 2016. 

*****

Despite bad reviews, the sequel to Mamma Mia! drew huge audiences and took in $41 Million dollars during it's opening weekend. 

- The audiences were made up of thousands of women. And Richard Simmons.

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick 

 

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President Trump tweeted that people who don't like him are suffering from "Trump Derangement Syndrome". 

- So exposure to  Trump will give you TDS.  Exposure to Stormy Daniels will give you an STD. 

*****

The Brady Bunch home in California is on the market for $1.8 Million. It was purchased in 1973 for $61,000. 

- Forget about "Location, Location, Location!". It's all about "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!" 

- The house is in a great neighborhood, plus you get free meat delivery from Sam the Butcher.

*****

A friend of Matt Lauer's claims that Matt wants to get back on TV so badly, he's wiling to give up sex completely to make it happen. 

- I say whatever Matt does behind closed (and remotely locked) office doors is his own business. 

*****

A 21 year old waitress at "Vinnie's Van-Go-Go's" restaurant in Georgia threw a man onto the floor then had him arrested after he touched her butt.

- Whatever happened to turning the other cheek? 

*****

A palace insider has revealed that Queen Elizabeth hates Garlic and forbids anyone in the Royal Family to eat it for fear their breath will smell like garlic. 

- This explains their "Special Wave"... it's to blow away the garlic breath of Royal Family members who disobey the Queen. 

*****

68 year old Caitlyn Jenner donned a black dress and heels at last night's ESPY Awards - which she attended with her 22 year old girlfriend Sophia. 

- What can those two crazy girls have in common? I mean, other than fake boobs? 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick 

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President Trump is now backing off on his statement that the Russians didn't try to meddle in the election claiming he accidentally said "Why WOULD they" instead of "Why WOULDN'T they?"

- He's also unveiled a new line of "Make Words With Apostrophe's Great Again" baseball caps. 

*****

A video of a woman carrying her frightened Labradoodle down a mall escalator has gone viral.

- Proving the old adage... "Woman is a Dog's Best Friend". 

- The dog was so grateful, when they got home he ran in circles and rubbed his butt on her rug. 

*****

A survey by Facetune found that 90% of all bikini photos posted online have beed edited to enhance the subjects features. 

- With the exception of Kim Kardashian's butt. 

- Sadly, all of the pics of old guys wearing Speedos HAVEN'T been edited.

*****

Meanwhile... a top fashion designer called Kim and her family "the cheapest people in the world". 

- Apparently he's never met my ex-brother-in-law Joe.

*****

A store in NYC is renting out mattresses where you can take a 45 minute nap for $25. 

- So much for "The City That Never Sleeps". 

*****

Archeologists in Jordan have discovered the burnt remains of a flatbread baked 14,400 years ago, making it the oldest bread on record.

- It's about a footlong and was found in a dumpster behind the Amman Subway Shop.

- I'm thinking the bread is still good... but I'd stay away from the mayo. 

*****

It's National Hot Dog Day!

- The day we head to a Coney Island with friends to Ketchup and make memories we'll Relish. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick 

 

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President Trump's announcement that he believes Putin's claims that Russia didn't try to influence the Presidential Election are being called "treasonous" by some. 

- Even the WH chef is a critic. This morning he served Trump a breakfast of Eggs Benedict... Arnold. 

*****

The man who co-wrote Trump's book "Art of the Deal" told CNN that the President is losing his mind. 

- So is everybody else... but this guy said it BEFORE the press conference with Putin Monday. 

*****

It's World Emoji Day! 

- This would be really big news if I had any idea how to text! 

*****

A Florida man was arrested after he dumped the contents of a Porta-Potty onto his neighbor's front lawn. 

- Porta-Potty offenses are the #1 and #2 growing crimes in the country, believe it or not. (I know... probably NOT).  

*****

Hundreds of thousands of shoppers trying to cash in on deals during Amazon's much hyped "Prime Day" were unable to place orders when the website crashed. They got an error message along with a pic of a cute dog. 

- And you can get that cute dog delivered to your door in TWO DAYS for FREE... if you have Prime. 

*****

IHOP is celebrating it's 60th Birthday today by offering Short Stacks of pancakes for just 60 cents. 

- I love pancakes but don't like the calories. I can't decide if I should go. I'm waffling. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick 

 

 

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Residents of a small town in Greenland woke up to find an 11 ton Iceberg floating off the coast of their village. It's 300 feet tall, almost two-football-fields long and may cause a Tsunami. 

- Meanwhile, officials say most residents don't know how to swim. I'm thinkin' now would be a good time to learn. 

*****

Vladimir Putin showed up an hour late for his meeting with President Trump in Helsinki, Finland today, and body language experts say they looked like "fighters headed into the ring". 

-  Only this was less like "The Thrilla In Manilla" and more like "The Stinkie in Helsinki".

*****

Today is Amazon Prime Day!

- If you're got Prime... Today is the day you can save big on tons of stuff that you don't need! 

*****

In a related story, the last Sears store in Chicago is closing after almost 80 years. 

- Instead of paying for a demolition crew, they're going to reopen on Black Friday and let the customers tear it down. 

*****

A Ryan Air flight from Dublin to Croatia plunged 30,000 feet in ten minutes after the cabin lost pressure. 

- It was extra scary because on discount airlines, you have to swipe your credit card before the oxygen masks will come down. 

*****

Supermodel Kate Upton announced that she's expecting her first child with hubby Justin Verlander. 

- The happy couple revealed the good news in a Tweet reading: "Guess Who's Finally Eating For ONE???" 

- Kate says Justin may play for the Astros... but he's still a Tiger in bed. (Btw... Justin gave up 4 HR's and got bombed by the TIGERS last night in Houston). 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick 

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Hi... Jackie here! It's 7/11 and that means two things: Free Slurpees at 7-Eleven... and my Dad's Birthday! As part of the celebration, he sat down with my sister, JoAnne, and her 104.3 WOMC Morning-Show-Partner Stephen Clark for a "Detroit Originals" Video-cast. Enjoy! And Happy Birthday to the Most Wonderful Dad in the World! I Love You to the Moon & Back!!!!! 

We'll see you back here Thursday!

-Jackie 

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A video has surfaced of Bill and Hillary Clinton taking a commercial Delta flight from Washington D.C. to New York.  

- And they didn't even have to pay full price! Bill got the tickets using a "Grope-On". 

*****

In honor of "National Dress Like a Cow Day", Chick-fil-A restaurants are giving away free entrees today. The catch: You have to dress like a Cow to get the free Chicken. 

- What are the chances that I'd pick this week to take my Cow Costume to the cleaners??? 

*****

Do You Believe In Miracles??? All 12 boys and their soccer coach have been rescued from an underwater cave in Thailand.

- They had to fight water plus tight conditions. And since the kids were soccer players, they couldn't use their hands. 

***** 

Thousands of Millennials took to Twitter last night to complain that President Trump's live announcement of his Supreme Court pic delayed finding out which guys were chosen for the "Group Date" on The Bachelorette. 

- Put another way... we're doomed. 

*****

According to Wallet Hub, the high rate of car thefts, parking fees, accident likelihood and average gas prices has earned Detroit the title of "America's WORST City to Drive In". 

- We're #1! We're #1!

- If only they'd factored in Potholes, we would have been voted "The Worst City To Drive In Of All Time!"

*****

A new study found that feeling much younger than your age could be a sign that your brain is aging more slowly. 

- In a related story, a new study found that feeling UP Women much younger than your age could be a sign that you're a member of the Rolling Stones. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick 

 

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