Comment

The Michigan Senate has approved a bill that would allow dogs to accompany their owners on restaurant patios - but any "accidents" would have to be cleaned up immediately. 

- This gives a whole new meaning to "I know this great little Spot for pasta". 

*****

After meeting with the Pope Wednesday, Melania Trump announced that she is a practicing Roman Catholic... making her the first Catholic to live in the White House since John & Jackie Kennedy. 

- As opposed to Bill Clinton who was the first person since the Kennedy's to have a "youngster" hiding under his desk. 

*****

A Republican Candidate in Montana was witnessed body slamming a reporter who pressed him about healthcare during an interview yesterday. 

- The candidates spokesman said he hurt the reporter in order to show what great healthcare he would receive. 

*****

Cuba is opening it's first luxury hotel this week. 

- Just look for the sign reading "We're Still Communist-Red Roof Inn".

*****

New documents reveal that President Obama allowed 16 illegal teenage members of the infamous MS-13 gang into the country and placed them in group homes across the U.S. 

- But in his defense, Michelle did make sure they had to eat Kale with every meal. 

*****

An official in Sweden has introduced a proposal that would allow workers to go home for an hour once a week in order to have sex. 

- Which is great because an hour leaves men 58 minutes to drive home and back to work. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick

Comment

Comment

President Trump wrapped up a meeting with the Pope this morning. 

- He tweeted "Great Guy! "Francis" kind of a girly name... but pulled off wearing White before Memorial Day like a CHAMP!!!" 

- Vatican insiders said it was a real "Come to Jesus meeting". 

*****

Earlier in the week, Trump became the first sitting U.S. President in history to visit Israel's Western Wall. 

- It went really well until he announced that he didn't think the Wall was tall enough. 

*****

The American Journal of Pediatrics says that kids under age one shouldn't drink fruit juice. 

- Apparently all that sugar could hurt the teeth they don't have. 

*****

A Parole Board announced that they will review OJ Simpson's case in July. 

- They're not going to let him out... they're just going to sit there and laugh at him for getting nailed for robbery after getting away with murder. 

*****

The American Society of Plastic Surgeons says there has been a 20% increase in Gender Reassignment surgeries in the last year and a half. 

- Apparently a lot of guys finally had the cojones to come forward and say they'd rather be women... but then they lost their cojones. 

*****

RIP... Sir Roger Moore, the man who once called himself "the fourth best James Bond" has died at age 89. 

- He was going to pass away last week, but decided to Die Another Day. 

- Moore will be cremated, then put in an urn which will be shaken but not stirred. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick 

Comment

Comment

Our Prayers go out to the victims and families of the Massacre in Manchester. 

Another cowardly act inspired by the Evil that is ISIS. 

Back tomorrow...

-Dick

Comment

Comment

Clint Eastwood says the world has "lost it's sense of humor" and that "Dirty Harry" couldn't be made today because it would be considered un-PC by the "kiss-ass generation". 

- Feel free to criticize Clint's point of view... if you're feeling lucky, punk. 

*****

Bob Segar has added a second show in Detroit... He'll play The Palace on September 23rd. 

- At 72, "Night Moves" now tells the story of how many times Bob gets up during the night to try to go to the bathroom. 

*****

In other music news, 71 year old Cher performed at the Billboard Music Awards last night wearing a see through silver gown and pasties over her lady bits. 

- Two boobs haven't hit the stage that fast since Adam Sandler and Carrot Top went on tour together. 

*****

After 146 years, Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus has folded up it's tents after giving it's final performance over the weekend. 

- Lucky for them, all of the clowns have already landed jobs in Washington, D.C. 

- In a related story, Uber just introduced a fleet of miniature cars that can carry up to 20 people at once. 

*****

Anthony Weiner broke down in tears in a NYC courtroom after pleading guilty to sexting a minor. 

- But he cheered right up after texting the court reporter a selfie of "Defense Exhibit A"

Meanwhile his wife Huma Abedin has filed for divorce. 

- It's about time. She must be a charter member of The Procrastinator's Club. 

*****

Nathan's has recalled 200,000 pounds of packaged hot dogs after bits of metal were found in the franks. 

- To be honest, the bits of metal are the healthiest ingredients in them. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Comment

Comment

Congratulations to the legendary American Coney Island at the corner of Michigan and Lafayette downtown, celebrating their 100th Birthday today! One of the scenes in the hour long "Dick Purtan Comedy Special" on Channel 4 back in the 80's was shot there. It was one of my favorite parts of the show... mainly because we got FREE coneys after the shoot! To this day, people still argue about which of the two side-by-side Coney's Islands, The American or The Lafayette is the best. To be honest... I never could tell the difference! 

*****

Financial experts are predicting that the end of shopping malls is near because of the increasing popularity of online shopping. 

- As proof they claim more and more Americans are referring to their kitchen's as "the food court". 

*****

Supermodel Giselle Bunchen said her husband Tom Brady gets concussions "Like all the time", adding "I mean I’m planning on having him be healthy and do a lot of fun things when we’re like 100, I hope."

- The way Giselle talks, I'm thinking like maybe she's had like a concussion or two herself. 

*****

United Airlines charged a soldier $200 for an overweight Military Duffel Bag as he was trying to fly home after serving 21 months in Afghanistan. 

- At this point United should just change their name to something more popular... like "Malaysia Air". 

*****

Police are searching for a Pizza Hut Supervisor who fled after pepper-spraying a female employee during a disagreement about where to put the pepperoni and cheese on a pizza. 

- And that, ladies and gentlemen is a little "Slice of Life" story for today. 

*****

A Girl Scout Troop leader in Kentucky is under arrest for stealing more than 6000 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies. 

- Her attorney said she only planned to take one box... but then wanted S'more. 

- On the bright side, she can now add a Police Badge to her green sash! 

*****

Willie Nelson worried fans when he walked off stage during the middle of a concert this week, returning 20 minutes later appearing "dazed and disoriented". 

- How could they tell??? 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick

Comment

1 Comment

A new study found that women looking for long term relationships find men with beards the most desirable because facial hair indicates a man's ability to compete for resources. 

- As long as those resources don't include a razor and some shaving cream. 

- This explains why so many women think David Letterman's post-Late-Show beard is so HOT! 

*****

The NY Times claims there's a memo written by James Comey that says President Trump asked him to stop investigating some of the allegations of his staff's ties to Russia, but no one has seen the memo. 

- Either the Times lost it... or they're still writing it. 

*****

Vladimir Putin says he has "proof" that President Trump DIDN'T reveal any state secrets in a meeting with Russian officials... in the form of a written transcript of the meeting. 

- True? If you can't believe ol' Vlad, who can you believe? 

*****

Two friends of former Prez Obama told People Magazine that he told them Donald Trump is "Nothing but a Bullsh--er". 

- But he added "If you like your President who is nothing but a Bullsh--er, you can keep your President who is nothing but a Bullsh--er". 

*****

A study in the BMJ Medical Journal found that eating red meat increases your chances of dying from 9 different diseases. 

- Of course if you become a Vegan, you'll die of loneliness. 

*****

A man in Austin, Texas is suing a woman for $17.31, the price he paid for her ticket to "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2" in 3D because she texted during the film and ruined their first date. 

- If he took her to a 3D Sci-Fi flick, I'm guessing it wasn't just THEIR first date, but HIS first date Ever. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick

1 Comment

Comment

I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day! We Purtan's celebrated all of the Mom's in our immediate family (all 6 of them) with a small gathering - if you call 21 people "small" with dozens of balloons and bouquets, and enough desserts to keep me on the treadmill from now until Christmas.  

Since we were off yesterday, I thought today I'd put up one of my favorite pictures of my wife Gail taken a few years ago (LOL). At the time it was taken, in Hawaii, she'd already given birth to all SIX of our daughters - then ages 4 to 18. Overall, I think I made a pretty good choice!!

*****

Kim Jong Un spent Mother's Day Weekend launching a test missile that came within 60 miles of hitting Russia. 

- Most people who wanted to send a card to "Mother Russia" just popped it in the mail. 

*****

In an effort to win back lost customers, McDonald's is spending millions to upgrade their restaurants to reflect the companies new "Experience of the Future" theme. 

- Of course if you eat at McDonald's too often, you won't have much of a Future to Experience. 

*****

A new scientific report claims that by 2030, the majority of Americans won't own a car, but will use "on-demand" transportation owned by someone else.  

- So basically it'll be like we're all 15 again. 

*****

Vladimir Putin says Russia had nothing to do with a major "Ransomware" attack that's affecting computers across the globe, and blames the U.S. Government for the Hack. 

- Well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a Black Russian.  

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick 

Comment

3 Comments

Welcome to Mother's Day Weekend and Podcast #217! Today Jackie (a Mother herself) and I (her Father) sit down at the Purtan Family Dining Room Table to discuss a "Mother Lode" of topics. From the Craziness in our nation's Capitol to why Hollywood's most famous actor NEVER saw any of his own movies. 

Then we get a surprise visit from another one of my Daughter's, Jill, (also a Mother) who attempts to explain to me how "Facebook Live" works - and how we could use it for our Podcasts - so you could see us in addition to listening. The result? Well, we may have a bit of a Mother's Day surprise for you on Facebook this Sunday. Stay tuned! 

Then I reveal the ancestral & genetic results of the "23 & Me" DNA test that my wife Gail and I recently took. (Apparently there's a reason I always hand the Pickle Jar to her when I can't open it). 

So as you prepare to celebrate Mom, take a break to listen to a Dad and two Daughter's as we present Podcast #217. 

Have a great Mother's Day and I'll see you back here Monday (and maybe even on Sunday!) 

-Dick

3 Comments

Comment

Dems are saying Trump fired Comey over the Russia Investigation, but the W.H. claims Trump axed him because "there was something wrong with him". 

- The last time a President took this much heat over a Pink Slip was when Hillary found out Bill sent Monica one from Victoria Secret. 

*****

Meanwhile the NY Times says, Comey had called the president “outside the realm of normal" and was expanding the investigation into Trump's alleged ties with Russia. 

- Trump tweeted, "Am I involved with the Russians??? For the last time... NYET!!!" 

*****

North Korea claims they have foiled a plot by the CIA to kill Kim Jong Un and have vowed to "Mercilessly wipe out the terrorist maniacs". 

- Sounds like something Trump said about Comey... or vice versa. 

*****

Amazon's new Echo device has video capabilities that can look at your outfits and tell you what to wear. 

- Just don't use the "Husband" feature and ask it if your butt looks big in those jeans. 

*****

A British Study found that Sunday morning is the most popular day of of the week for couples to have sex. 

- Which explains why Mother's and Father's Days are always celebrated on Sundays. 

*****

According to a new poll, 53% of Canadians have a "somewhat" or "very unfavorable" view of Americans. 

- Don't be too upset, that only comes out to about 10 people. 

*****

Speaking of Canucks... Several Toronto coffee shops have nixed their free WiFi so customers will actually talk to each other. 

- The most popular topic so far has been, "American's are hosers, eh?"

*****

ABC announced that the Fictional White House Drama "Scandal" will be cancelled after the upcoming 7th season. 

- Apparently there's too much competition from the Real White House these days. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Comment

Comment

The Media is going crazy after President Trump fired FBI Director James Comey yesterday. 

- Trump will pick the new director on a new show "FBI Apprentice". 

*****

One of the theories for the firing is that Comey "grossly overstated" the amount of classified emails that Huma Abedin sent to her husband Anthony Weiner's laptop. 

- But everyone agrees that Weiner sent the same number of pics of his "laptop" to women around the country. 

*****

Facebook was briefly down for 10 minutes in several countries yesterday. 

- And for those ten minutes, millions of  people had no idea what was going on in the News. 

*****

Richard Simmons has filed a lawsuit against the National Enquirer for claiming he's transitioning to a woman. He wants $10,000.

- Which is exactly what his plastic surgeon supposedly charges for breast implants. 

- Personally I always thought he was part-woman anyway. 

*****

Inmates at a prison in Chicago can now order a piping hot pizza directly to their cells... the pies are made by other inmates involved in a learn-to-cook program. 

- The most popular pizza is the "Cheese, Sausage & Shiv" special. 

*****

Madonna has posted a pair of topless selfies on Instagram. 

- Like we haven't seen those before. 

- She's now the front-runner for this year's SAG Awards. 

*****

A Nurse from Kansas City who suffers from an Overactive Bladder claims she was forced to relieve herself in a cup when United Airlines flight attendants wouldn't let her use the bathroom because the seat belt sign was on. 

- Apparently this is United's attempt to become the #1 Airline in the country again. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick

Comment

Comment

It's official! MSNBC's "Morning Joe" co-hosts, Republican Joe Scarborough and Democrat Mika Brzezinski, are engaged to be married. 

- If Bill O'Reilly had just Proposed to the women who are suing him, he could have claimed "Spousal Privilege".

*****

Buckingham Palace announced that Queen Elizabeth's husband, 95 year old Prince Phillip, will stop attending official Royal functions in the fall. 

- I guess it's time for us to wave him goodbye. But for the first time in 70 years, he won't wave back. 

- He'll probably spend his retirement sitting around the Palace in his underwear eating Crumpets and ordering stuff online.  

*****

A man in Oregon was arrested for trying to have sex with a Chicken. 

- He told the police he was "just kidding"... but cops said his "joke laid an egg". 

- Now we know why the chicken crossed the road. To get away from this whack job. 

*****

McDonald's unveiled a new utensil called the Frock, which is designed to pick up toppings that fall off your burger. 

- What? You can't do the same thing with a Spork? 

*****

A new Harris Poll found that more people are stressed and tense because of Political talk at work, than before the Election, by a margin of 26% to 17%. 

- And that's just at the White House. 

*****

In his new book about Barack Obama, Pulitzer Prize winning journalist David Garrow, says Obama did a lot of Cocaine is his 20's and "flirted" with the idea of being Gay.  

- We've come a long way since Bill Clinton "Didn't Inhale". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick 

Comment

Comment

Brad Pitt told GQ Magazine that his "heavy boozing" is what led Angelina Jolie to file for Divorce last August. 

- Apparently he spent too much time trying to "Drink Angelina Pretty". 

*****

Speaking of "The Blame Game"... 

Hillary Clinton blamed FBI Director James Comey for her election's loss, while Trump believes  Comey ultimately freed her from prosecution.  

- In "Monopoly" terms... Hillary thinks Comey blocked her from getting a house on Pennsylvania Avenue, and Trump thinks he gave her a "Get Out of Jail Free" card. 

*****

Stephen Colbert opened his Monday night show with a vulgar 12-minute rant against President Trump... which pundits say upped what they call the "War" between Trump and CBS. 

-  That would explain the U.S. Nuclear Aircraft Carrier outside the front door of the CBS building this morning.  

*****

A new survey found that interns at Facebook make an average of $8000 a month... or $96,000 a year. 

- Plus a copy of Mother Zuckerberg's famous Meatloaf recipe. 

*****

An FBI translator married a key ISIS terrorist after flying to Syria in 2014 to investigate him. 

- The lovebirds have a lot in common, saying they both have short fuses and their favorite show is "The Big Bang Theory". 

*****

According to a new book, Barack Obama asked another woman to marry him before meeting Michelle, and actually dated both women at the same time for about a year. 

- Apparently under Obamacare, "If you liked your old girlfriend... you could keep your old girlfriend". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Comment

Comment

Today is "National Brothers & Sisters Day". Or as it's known around the Purtan household... "Sister's Day".

*****

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg toured a Michigan Ford Plant the other day.  

- Apparently he was impressed because he gave the F-150 the coveted "Likes" thumbs up. 

*****

President Trump says that if he were a teacher, the media would get a big fat failing grade for their coverage of his first 100 days. 

- Kids everywhere would LOVE for Trump to be a teacher because their 5 paragraph essays would only have to be 140 characters long. 

*****

Fox News President Bill Shine abruptly resigned on Monday, sending shockwaves through the network. 

- He left some big Lawsuits to fill. 

*****

A dog in the U.K. has undergone gender reassignment surgery after vets discovered she had both male and female private parts. 

- Look for the new reality show "This Is Nuts! Turns Out My Dog Is A Boy!"

*****

Bill Cosby says he misses performing and he's hoping to go on tour when his trial is over. 

- Tickets will be reasonably priced and every woman gets a Free Cocktail. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick 

Comment

Comment

Lines may be longer when Cedar Point opens this Saturday with increased security. They've installed metal detectors at all of the entrances. 

- How about they also install "I'm With Stupid" T-Shirt Detectors.

*****

President Trump broke with decades of tradition by NOT attending the Annual White House Correspondents Dinner Saturday night. 

- He figured if he wanted to get roasted, he could just turn on the TV news. 

*****

The owner of "Simon" the giant bunny that died in the cargo hold of a United Airlines flight says she when she tried to get him back, the airline told her they had cremated the rabbit without her consent. 

- United is kind of the "Glenn Close" of airlines. 

*****

Agriculture Secretary Sonny Perdue will begin dismantling Michelle Obama's school lunch program today. 

- So kids, if you're a fan of Kale McNuggets & Tofu Fries, you'd better get 'em while they last. 

*****

A Facebook survey found that just 32% of Americans trust the Media. 

- So they turn to a more reliable source for their news... Facebook. 

*****

Almost a year after her co-host Michael Strahan infuriated Kelly Ripa by not telling her he was leaving their show, Ripa has announced the new co-host of "Live With Kelly". And the winner is... Ryan Seacrest. 

- To keep the older audience happy, they're going to change his name to "Regis Seacrest". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick

Comment

Comment

Today is National "Bring Your Child To Work Day".

- Or as President Trump and his daughter Ivanka call it, "Thursday". 

*****

A U.S. Military expert claims that most of the weapons held by North Korean soldiers in last weeks War Exercises were just props, and that even the sunglasses they wore weren't combat ready. 

- Turns out Kim Jong Un bought the plastic guns and glasses at "Communist Party City". 

*****

During this week's Michigan Football Team trip to the Vatican, coach Jim Harbaugh presented the Pontiff with a Michigan Helmet and a pair of M-themed Jordan sneakers. 

- The Pope was thrilled saying the only Football paraphernalia he has is from The Saints. 

- ...And The Angels. 

- ...Oh, and the Cardinals. 

- MSU fans said it made sense for Harbaugh to meet the Pope since Michigan fans think the Coach is God. 

*****

Yesterday, ESPN fired nearly 100 of it's "On-Air" talents in an effort to cut costs. 

- If your keeping score... Wait, now you basically HAVE to keep score since there's no one left at ESPN to do it for you. 

*****

According to a grocery list obtained from Buckingham Palace, Queen Elizabeth stocks her pantry with lots of American foods including Quaker Oats, Heinz Ketchup and Coca-Cola. 

- So now we understand the whole Prince Harry Coke thing. It's genetic. 

*****

Also from across the Pond... a new survey found that 1 in 5 people in The United Kingdom don't know how to cook an egg or change a light bulb. 

- I had no idea my daughter Jackie's ex-husband moved to England!

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick 

Comment

Comment

United Airlines is facing a new PR disaster after a 3 foot rabbit named Simon, one of the world's biggest bunnies, died in the cargo hold during a flight from Heathrow to Chicago's O'Hare. 

- Yes... The Rabbit died on it's way to O "Hare". You can't make this stuff up. 

- So much for carrying a lucky rabbits foot when you travel. Simon had four and look what happened to him. 

*****

Kim Jong-Un's army fired rockets and torpedoes at mock enemy warships during North Korea's 'largest ever' live-fire artillery drills on Tuesday, but President Trump says KJU is not as strong as he thinks he is. 

- Trump was going to Tweet "Your Mother Wore Army Boots"... but it turns out she actually did. 

*****

Bill Cosby's lawyers announced that they'll go with a "False Memory" strategy, which experts say basically amounts to calling all 57 of his sexual assault accusers Liars. 

- Fascinating. They want jurors to believe the women have "False Memories" of not being able to remember anything after Bill drugged 'em. 

*****

Script writers in Hollywood are just days away from going on strike, and with no scripts the only thing we'd have to watch are Reality Shows. 

- No wait... those are scripted too. 

*****

A shocking new longterm study found that people who consume MORE salt than the Recommended Daily Allowance actually have LOWER blood pressure than most people who limit their salt intake. 

- Upon hearing the news, Jimmy Buffet went back to "Looking For His Lost Shaker of Salt". 

*****

Kim Kardashian lashed out at critics who claim all of her photos are air brushed - by posting photos of her un-filtered butt, complete with cellulite, in a skimpy bikini on Instagram. 

- Her skin was so dimpled, a lot of people thought she had posted side by side pics of the Moon.

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick

Comment

Comment

Caitlyn Jenner went Prime Time last night and revealed that she had Bruce's private parts surgically removed in January. 

- The surgery is known in the industry as the "Voluntary Bobbitt". 

*****

President Trump is demanding Congressional funding for the Mexican border wall or say's he'll shut down the government. 

- Right now the only thing scarier than the government shutting down is the government staying open. 

*****

Meanwhile a Washington Post/ABC News Poll found that if the election were held today, Trump would still beat Hillary 43% to 40%. Meanwhile, former President Obama has agreed to give a speech to a bunch of Wall Street Bankers in September... for $400,000. 

- They actually wanted Hillary, but her speaking fee was too high. 

*****

Former Fox News Anchor Bill O'Reilly spoke out about the sexual allegations against him for the first time Monday, saying "The truth will come out" and "America will be shaken". 

- Ironically, "Shaken" is how he served the martinis he gave the women he allegedly invited back to his hotel room. 

*****

New Orleans is taking down Confederate Monuments in an effort to rid the city of those symbols. 

- However whistling the song "Dixie" is still allowed. 

*****

North Korea detained a U.S. citizen for unknown reasons at Pyongyang Airport. 

- This kind of stuff never happened when they thought Dennis Rodman was the President. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Comment

Comment

For the first time in 20 years, tonight the Fox News evening line up will not be anchored by the fired Bill O'Reilly, as Tucker Carlson officially takes over the 8pm slot. His first guest: Caitlyn Jenner. 

- Fox is playing it safe by having a chick on that absolutely no guy would hit on. 

*****

President Trump will talk with the leaders of Japan and China today to discuss how best to handle Kim Jong Un and the North Korean Nuclear threat. 

- I'm guessing they're going to put him in a Time Out and take away his X-Box.  

*****

Earlier today, Trump called Astronaut Peggy Whitson on the International Space Station to congratulate her on breaking the record for the longest American in Space... a whopping 535 days. 

- The record for the most "Spaced Out" American woman is still held by Lindsay Lohan. 

*****

Queen Elizabeth celebrated her 91st Birthday on Friday. 

- She spent the day sitting on the Throne waiting for the Miralax to kick in. 

*****

A study by the Daily Mail found that more and more stressed out teachers are using alcohol and prescription drugs to get through the school day. 

- They don't even have to go to the store... they can get everything they need from their students. 

- So now kids are encouraged to bring "An Apple Martini For The Teacher". 

*****

Guards in England confiscated a Drone that inmates were using to fly drugs and cell phones in over the prison walls. 

- Remember the good old days when prisoners had their girlfriends bake a cake with a knife in it? 

*****

Kim Kardashian is being criticized on social media for selling a candle that portrays her as the Virgin Mary. 

- Say what you will, but it looks great next to the "Madonna as Mother Teresa" candle on my coffee table. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Comment

Comment

Bill O'Reilly is out at Fox News after more accusations of sexual misconduct surfaced and advertisers continued to bail on his show. 

- The accusations are "completely fabricated" according to O'Reilly's spokesperson, a Mr. B. Cosby. 

- Bill has entered the "No-Job Zone". 

*****

A new study shows that women find ordinary men more attractive when they sense that the man has a creative spark. 

- Or in Larry King's case, a whole lotta hair dye. 

*****

Malaysia Airlines has become the first airline to track planes with satellites. 

- It would have been nice if they'd implemented this technology a few years ago. 

- Meanwhile United Airlines is the first airline to attack passengers when it overbooks a flight. 

*****

Warren Beatty told the Daily Mail that his flub at the Oscars was blown out of proportion. 

- Warren's slept with over 10,000 women.... so to him, calling out the wrong name is no big deal. 

*****

During his trip to London next month, President Trump has requested a ride in Queen Elizabeth's Gilded Golden Carriage. 

- He also wants a "Fast Pass" so he doesn't have to wait in line. 

*****

IKEA says it's planning on opening stand alone restaurants, that will feature their popular Swedish Meatballs, but won't have any furniture for sale. 

- Not to be outdone, look for a "Gardner White Castle" hamburger joint opening near you.

*****

The U.S. Navy is redesigning submarines to be more accommodating to women. 

- For starters, all of the bunks will come with decorative throw pillows. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick 

Comment

Comment

Starbucks is offering a Pink, Purple and Blue "Unicorn Frappauchino" with sparkles. It changes color and taste as you stir it. 

- I never thought I'd say this... but I miss Sanka. 

*****

Eric Trump says he thinks his father's golfing habits are great for International relations. 

- Case in point... the upcoming "Putt-Putt With Putin" Presidential Summit.  

*****

Uber reportedly lost $2.8 billion in 2016. 

- We're only getting this info now because the driver delivering the report was 10 minutes late. 

*****

A Yahoo/Marist poll found that 54% of the people who smoke marijuana are parents. 

- If you had to sit through 6 dance recitals, 9 swim practices and 13 soccer games every week, you'd probably fire up a doobie too. 

*****

A study from Florida State University confirms that there's very little evidence that brain games can improve your memory or make you smarter. 

- It ain't true. I watch Jeopardy every night and I is intelligent.

*****

Julia Roberts has been named People Magazine's "World's Most Beautiful" for a record-breaking fifth time. 

- Nothing against Julia, but this time around my money was on Caitlyn Jenner. 

***** 

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Comment