I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day! We Purtan's celebrated all of the Mom's in our immediate family (all 6 of them) with a small gathering - if you call 21 people "small" with dozens of balloons and bouquets, and enough desserts to keep me on the treadmill from now until Christmas.  

Since we were off yesterday, I thought today I'd put up one of my favorite pictures of my wife Gail taken a few years ago (LOL). At the time it was taken, in Hawaii, she'd already given birth to all SIX of our daughters - then ages 4 to 18. Overall, I think I made a pretty good choice!!

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Kim Jong Un spent Mother's Day Weekend launching a test missile that came within 60 miles of hitting Russia. 

- Most people who wanted to send a card to "Mother Russia" just popped it in the mail. 

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In an effort to win back lost customers, McDonald's is spending millions to upgrade their restaurants to reflect the companies new "Experience of the Future" theme. 

- Of course if you eat at McDonald's too often, you won't have much of a Future to Experience. 

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A new scientific report claims that by 2030, the majority of Americans won't own a car, but will use "on-demand" transportation owned by someone else.  

- So basically it'll be like we're all 15 again. 

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Vladimir Putin says Russia had nothing to do with a major "Ransomware" attack that's affecting computers across the globe, and blames the U.S. Government for the Hack. 

- Well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a Black Russian.  

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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick 

Welcome to Mother's Day Weekend and Podcast #217! Today Jackie (a Mother herself) and I (her Father) sit down at the Purtan Family Dining Room Table to discuss a "Mother Lode" of topics. From the Craziness in our nation's Capitol to why Hollywood's most famous actor NEVER saw any of his own movies. 

Then we get a surprise visit from another one of my Daughter's, Jill, (also a Mother) who attempts to explain to me how "Facebook Live" works - and how we could use it for our Podcasts - so you could see us in addition to listening. The result? Well, we may have a bit of a Mother's Day surprise for you on Facebook this Sunday. Stay tuned! 

Then I reveal the ancestral & genetic results of the "23 & Me" DNA test that my wife Gail and I recently took. (Apparently there's a reason I always hand the Pickle Jar to her when I can't open it). 

So as you prepare to celebrate Mom, take a break to listen to a Dad and two Daughter's as we present Podcast #217. 

Have a great Mother's Day and I'll see you back here Monday (and maybe even on Sunday!) 

-Dick

Dems are saying Trump fired Comey over the Russia Investigation, but the W.H. claims Trump axed him because "there was something wrong with him". 

- The last time a President took this much heat over a Pink Slip was when Hillary found out Bill sent Monica one from Victoria Secret. 

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Meanwhile the NY Times says, Comey had called the president “outside the realm of normal" and was expanding the investigation into Trump's alleged ties with Russia. 

- Trump tweeted, "Am I involved with the Russians??? For the last time... NYET!!!" 

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North Korea claims they have foiled a plot by the CIA to kill Kim Jong Un and have vowed to "Mercilessly wipe out the terrorist maniacs". 

- Sounds like something Trump said about Comey... or vice versa. 

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Amazon's new Echo device has video capabilities that can look at your outfits and tell you what to wear. 

- Just don't use the "Husband" feature and ask it if your butt looks big in those jeans. 

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A British Study found that Sunday morning is the most popular day of of the week for couples to have sex. 

- Which explains why Mother's and Father's Days are always celebrated on Sundays. 

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According to a new poll, 53% of Canadians have a "somewhat" or "very unfavorable" view of Americans. 

- Don't be too upset, that only comes out to about 10 people. 

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Speaking of Canucks... Several Toronto coffee shops have nixed their free WiFi so customers will actually talk to each other. 

- The most popular topic so far has been, "American's are hosers, eh?"

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ABC announced that the Fictional White House Drama "Scandal" will be cancelled after the upcoming 7th season. 

- Apparently there's too much competition from the Real White House these days. 

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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

The Media is going crazy after President Trump fired FBI Director James Comey yesterday. 

- Trump will pick the new director on a new show "FBI Apprentice". 

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One of the theories for the firing is that Comey "grossly overstated" the amount of classified emails that Huma Abedin sent to her husband Anthony Weiner's laptop. 

- But everyone agrees that Weiner sent the same number of pics of his "laptop" to women around the country. 

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Facebook was briefly down for 10 minutes in several countries yesterday. 

- And for those ten minutes, millions of  people had no idea what was going on in the News. 

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Richard Simmons has filed a lawsuit against the National Enquirer for claiming he's transitioning to a woman. He wants $10,000.

- Which is exactly what his plastic surgeon supposedly charges for breast implants. 

- Personally I always thought he was part-woman anyway. 

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Inmates at a prison in Chicago can now order a piping hot pizza directly to their cells... the pies are made by other inmates involved in a learn-to-cook program. 

- The most popular pizza is the "Cheese, Sausage & Shiv" special. 

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Madonna has posted a pair of topless selfies on Instagram. 

- Like we haven't seen those before. 

- She's now the front-runner for this year's SAG Awards. 

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A Nurse from Kansas City who suffers from an Overactive Bladder claims she was forced to relieve herself in a cup when United Airlines flight attendants wouldn't let her use the bathroom because the seat belt sign was on. 

- Apparently this is United's attempt to become the #1 Airline in the country again. 

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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick

It's official! MSNBC's "Morning Joe" co-hosts, Republican Joe Scarborough and Democrat Mika Brzezinski, are engaged to be married. 

- If Bill O'Reilly had just Proposed to the women who are suing him, he could have claimed "Spousal Privilege".

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Buckingham Palace announced that Queen Elizabeth's husband, 95 year old Prince Phillip, will stop attending official Royal functions in the fall. 

- I guess it's time for us to wave him goodbye. But for the first time in 70 years, he won't wave back. 

- He'll probably spend his retirement sitting around the Palace in his underwear eating Crumpets and ordering stuff online.  

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A man in Oregon was arrested for trying to have sex with a Chicken. 

- He told the police he was "just kidding"... but cops said his "joke laid an egg". 

- Now we know why the chicken crossed the road. To get away from this whack job. 

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McDonald's unveiled a new utensil called the Frock, which is designed to pick up toppings that fall off your burger. 

- What? You can't do the same thing with a Spork? 

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A new Harris Poll found that more people are stressed and tense because of Political talk at work, than before the Election, by a margin of 26% to 17%. 

- And that's just at the White House. 

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In his new book about Barack Obama, Pulitzer Prize winning journalist David Garrow, says Obama did a lot of Cocaine is his 20's and "flirted" with the idea of being Gay.  

- We've come a long way since Bill Clinton "Didn't Inhale". 

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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick 

Brad Pitt told GQ Magazine that his "heavy boozing" is what led Angelina Jolie to file for Divorce last August. 

- Apparently he spent too much time trying to "Drink Angelina Pretty". 

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Speaking of "The Blame Game"... 

Hillary Clinton blamed FBI Director James Comey for her election's loss, while Trump believes  Comey ultimately freed her from prosecution.  

- In "Monopoly" terms... Hillary thinks Comey blocked her from getting a house on Pennsylvania Avenue, and Trump thinks he gave her a "Get Out of Jail Free" card. 

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Stephen Colbert opened his Monday night show with a vulgar 12-minute rant against President Trump... which pundits say upped what they call the "War" between Trump and CBS. 

-  That would explain the U.S. Nuclear Aircraft Carrier outside the front door of the CBS building this morning.  

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A new survey found that interns at Facebook make an average of $8000 a month... or $96,000 a year. 

- Plus a copy of Mother Zuckerberg's famous Meatloaf recipe. 

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An FBI translator married a key ISIS terrorist after flying to Syria in 2014 to investigate him. 

- The lovebirds have a lot in common, saying they both have short fuses and their favorite show is "The Big Bang Theory". 

*****

According to a new book, Barack Obama asked another woman to marry him before meeting Michelle, and actually dated both women at the same time for about a year. 

- Apparently under Obamacare, "If you liked your old girlfriend... you could keep your old girlfriend". 

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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Today is "National Brothers & Sisters Day". Or as it's known around the Purtan household... "Sister's Day".

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Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg toured a Michigan Ford Plant the other day.  

- Apparently he was impressed because he gave the F-150 the coveted "Likes" thumbs up. 

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President Trump says that if he were a teacher, the media would get a big fat failing grade for their coverage of his first 100 days. 

- Kids everywhere would LOVE for Trump to be a teacher because their 5 paragraph essays would only have to be 140 characters long. 

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Fox News President Bill Shine abruptly resigned on Monday, sending shockwaves through the network. 

- He left some big Lawsuits to fill. 

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A dog in the U.K. has undergone gender reassignment surgery after vets discovered she had both male and female private parts. 

- Look for the new reality show "This Is Nuts! Turns Out My Dog Is A Boy!"

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Bill Cosby says he misses performing and he's hoping to go on tour when his trial is over. 

- Tickets will be reasonably priced and every woman gets a Free Cocktail. 

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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick 

Lines may be longer when Cedar Point opens this Saturday with increased security. They've installed metal detectors at all of the entrances. 

- How about they also install "I'm With Stupid" T-Shirt Detectors.

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President Trump broke with decades of tradition by NOT attending the Annual White House Correspondents Dinner Saturday night. 

- He figured if he wanted to get roasted, he could just turn on the TV news. 

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The owner of "Simon" the giant bunny that died in the cargo hold of a United Airlines flight says she when she tried to get him back, the airline told her they had cremated the rabbit without her consent. 

- United is kind of the "Glenn Close" of airlines. 

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Agriculture Secretary Sonny Perdue will begin dismantling Michelle Obama's school lunch program today. 

- So kids, if you're a fan of Kale McNuggets & Tofu Fries, you'd better get 'em while they last. 

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A Facebook survey found that just 32% of Americans trust the Media. 

- So they turn to a more reliable source for their news... Facebook. 

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Almost a year after her co-host Michael Strahan infuriated Kelly Ripa by not telling her he was leaving their show, Ripa has announced the new co-host of "Live With Kelly". And the winner is... Ryan Seacrest. 

- To keep the older audience happy, they're going to change his name to "Regis Seacrest". 

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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick

Today is National "Bring Your Child To Work Day".

- Or as President Trump and his daughter Ivanka call it, "Thursday". 

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A U.S. Military expert claims that most of the weapons held by North Korean soldiers in last weeks War Exercises were just props, and that even the sunglasses they wore weren't combat ready. 

- Turns out Kim Jong Un bought the plastic guns and glasses at "Communist Party City". 

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During this week's Michigan Football Team trip to the Vatican, coach Jim Harbaugh presented the Pontiff with a Michigan Helmet and a pair of M-themed Jordan sneakers. 

- The Pope was thrilled saying the only Football paraphernalia he has is from The Saints. 

- ...And The Angels. 

- ...Oh, and the Cardinals. 

- MSU fans said it made sense for Harbaugh to meet the Pope since Michigan fans think the Coach is God. 

*****

Yesterday, ESPN fired nearly 100 of it's "On-Air" talents in an effort to cut costs. 

- If your keeping score... Wait, now you basically HAVE to keep score since there's no one left at ESPN to do it for you. 

*****

According to a grocery list obtained from Buckingham Palace, Queen Elizabeth stocks her pantry with lots of American foods including Quaker Oats, Heinz Ketchup and Coca-Cola. 

- So now we understand the whole Prince Harry Coke thing. It's genetic. 

*****

Also from across the Pond... a new survey found that 1 in 5 people in The United Kingdom don't know how to cook an egg or change a light bulb. 

- I had no idea my daughter Jackie's ex-husband moved to England!

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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick 

United Airlines is facing a new PR disaster after a 3 foot rabbit named Simon, one of the world's biggest bunnies, died in the cargo hold during a flight from Heathrow to Chicago's O'Hare. 

- Yes... The Rabbit died on it's way to O "Hare". You can't make this stuff up. 

- So much for carrying a lucky rabbits foot when you travel. Simon had four and look what happened to him. 

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Kim Jong-Un's army fired rockets and torpedoes at mock enemy warships during North Korea's 'largest ever' live-fire artillery drills on Tuesday, but President Trump says KJU is not as strong as he thinks he is. 

- Trump was going to Tweet "Your Mother Wore Army Boots"... but it turns out she actually did. 

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Bill Cosby's lawyers announced that they'll go with a "False Memory" strategy, which experts say basically amounts to calling all 57 of his sexual assault accusers Liars. 

- Fascinating. They want jurors to believe the women have "False Memories" of not being able to remember anything after Bill drugged 'em. 

*****

Script writers in Hollywood are just days away from going on strike, and with no scripts the only thing we'd have to watch are Reality Shows. 

- No wait... those are scripted too. 

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A shocking new longterm study found that people who consume MORE salt than the Recommended Daily Allowance actually have LOWER blood pressure than most people who limit their salt intake. 

- Upon hearing the news, Jimmy Buffet went back to "Looking For His Lost Shaker of Salt". 

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Kim Kardashian lashed out at critics who claim all of her photos are air brushed - by posting photos of her un-filtered butt, complete with cellulite, in a skimpy bikini on Instagram. 

- Her skin was so dimpled, a lot of people thought she had posted side by side pics of the Moon.

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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick

Caitlyn Jenner went Prime Time last night and revealed that she had Bruce's private parts surgically removed in January. 

- The surgery is known in the industry as the "Voluntary Bobbitt". 

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President Trump is demanding Congressional funding for the Mexican border wall or say's he'll shut down the government. 

- Right now the only thing scarier than the government shutting down is the government staying open. 

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Meanwhile a Washington Post/ABC News Poll found that if the election were held today, Trump would still beat Hillary 43% to 40%. Meanwhile, former President Obama has agreed to give a speech to a bunch of Wall Street Bankers in September... for $400,000. 

- They actually wanted Hillary, but her speaking fee was too high. 

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Former Fox News Anchor Bill O'Reilly spoke out about the sexual allegations against him for the first time Monday, saying "The truth will come out" and "America will be shaken". 

- Ironically, "Shaken" is how he served the martinis he gave the women he allegedly invited back to his hotel room. 

*****

New Orleans is taking down Confederate Monuments in an effort to rid the city of those symbols. 

- However whistling the song "Dixie" is still allowed. 

*****

North Korea detained a U.S. citizen for unknown reasons at Pyongyang Airport. 

- This kind of stuff never happened when they thought Dennis Rodman was the President. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

For the first time in 20 years, tonight the Fox News evening line up will not be anchored by the fired Bill O'Reilly, as Tucker Carlson officially takes over the 8pm slot. His first guest: Caitlyn Jenner. 

- Fox is playing it safe by having a chick on that absolutely no guy would hit on. 

*****

President Trump will talk with the leaders of Japan and China today to discuss how best to handle Kim Jong Un and the North Korean Nuclear threat. 

- I'm guessing they're going to put him in a Time Out and take away his X-Box.  

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Earlier today, Trump called Astronaut Peggy Whitson on the International Space Station to congratulate her on breaking the record for the longest American in Space... a whopping 535 days. 

- The record for the most "Spaced Out" American woman is still held by Lindsay Lohan. 

*****

Queen Elizabeth celebrated her 91st Birthday on Friday. 

- She spent the day sitting on the Throne waiting for the Miralax to kick in. 

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A study by the Daily Mail found that more and more stressed out teachers are using alcohol and prescription drugs to get through the school day. 

- They don't even have to go to the store... they can get everything they need from their students. 

- So now kids are encouraged to bring "An Apple Martini For The Teacher". 

*****

Guards in England confiscated a Drone that inmates were using to fly drugs and cell phones in over the prison walls. 

- Remember the good old days when prisoners had their girlfriends bake a cake with a knife in it? 

*****

Kim Kardashian is being criticized on social media for selling a candle that portrays her as the Virgin Mary. 

- Say what you will, but it looks great next to the "Madonna as Mother Teresa" candle on my coffee table. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Bill O'Reilly is out at Fox News after more accusations of sexual misconduct surfaced and advertisers continued to bail on his show. 

- The accusations are "completely fabricated" according to O'Reilly's spokesperson, a Mr. B. Cosby. 

- Bill has entered the "No-Job Zone". 

*****

A new study shows that women find ordinary men more attractive when they sense that the man has a creative spark. 

- Or in Larry King's case, a whole lotta hair dye. 

*****

Malaysia Airlines has become the first airline to track planes with satellites. 

- It would have been nice if they'd implemented this technology a few years ago. 

- Meanwhile United Airlines is the first airline to attack passengers when it overbooks a flight. 

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Warren Beatty told the Daily Mail that his flub at the Oscars was blown out of proportion. 

- Warren's slept with over 10,000 women.... so to him, calling out the wrong name is no big deal. 

*****

During his trip to London next month, President Trump has requested a ride in Queen Elizabeth's Gilded Golden Carriage. 

- He also wants a "Fast Pass" so he doesn't have to wait in line. 

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IKEA says it's planning on opening stand alone restaurants, that will feature their popular Swedish Meatballs, but won't have any furniture for sale. 

- Not to be outdone, look for a "Gardner White Castle" hamburger joint opening near you.

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The U.S. Navy is redesigning submarines to be more accommodating to women. 

- For starters, all of the bunks will come with decorative throw pillows. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick 

Starbucks is offering a Pink, Purple and Blue "Unicorn Frappauchino" with sparkles. It changes color and taste as you stir it. 

- I never thought I'd say this... but I miss Sanka. 

*****

Eric Trump says he thinks his father's golfing habits are great for International relations. 

- Case in point... the upcoming "Putt-Putt With Putin" Presidential Summit.  

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Uber reportedly lost $2.8 billion in 2016. 

- We're only getting this info now because the driver delivering the report was 10 minutes late. 

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A Yahoo/Marist poll found that 54% of the people who smoke marijuana are parents. 

- If you had to sit through 6 dance recitals, 9 swim practices and 13 soccer games every week, you'd probably fire up a doobie too. 

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A study from Florida State University confirms that there's very little evidence that brain games can improve your memory or make you smarter. 

- It ain't true. I watch Jeopardy every night and I is intelligent.

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Julia Roberts has been named People Magazine's "World's Most Beautiful" for a record-breaking fifth time. 

- Nothing against Julia, but this time around my money was on Caitlyn Jenner. 

***** 

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

North Korean officials say they plan on test-firing nuclear missiles on "a weekly basis"; meanwhile Donald Trump said that Kim Jong Un has to "Behave". 

- It's like Trump is Austin Powers and KJU is Mini-Me. (Or even more like Fat Bastard)

*****

According to a new book, "Shattered: Inside Hillary Clinton's Doomed Campaign", then President Obama had to call Hillary twice on election night to tell her to concede. 

- Turns out she wasn't just ready for a 3am call... she was ready for another one at 3:15am as well. 

*****

21,000 people attended the Easter Egg Roll on the White House lawn Monday. 

- In a related story, Bill Clinton hosted his annual "Easter Egg Roll-In-The-Hay" in the backyard of his house in Chappaqua. 

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Researchers say that people are happiest at age 23 and 69. 

- Right up until the wealthy 69 year old man finds out that his hot 23 three year old 2nd wife is pregnant with twins. 

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A new study found that more frequent sex can increase women's memory and help men live longer. 

- Which is kind of a mixed blessing for guys. You may live longer, but your wife is going to remember everything that she thinks you ever did wrong. 

*****

A Traverse City boy was arrested for trying to choke his Mom after they argued about the lyrics to a Justin Bieber song. 

- It's kind of refreshing... Usually when the words "Arrested" and "Justin Bieber" are used in the same sentence, Justin's the one in jail. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Yesterday you opened your Easter Basket... Today you can open up a brand new Podcast - #216! If topics were Jelly Beans, Jackie and I offer up every flavor under the sun. From a review of Alec Baldwin's new book (startling details about his ex-wife Kim Bassinger) to a Top Ten list a friend of mine sent me, that unlike so many on the internet, is actually really funny -- especially if you're thinking about retirement. Plus, my search to find a barber who can give me the "Kim Jong Un" cut. 

So take some stress out of Tax Day by treating yourself to Podcast #216. It won't cost you a penny and I think you'll even find it full of Interest! 

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick

Caitlyn Jenner claims that she's been "shut out" by the Kardashian family since transitioning from their Step-Dad to their Step-Mom, saying "Nobody calls anymore". 

- In the Kardashian girls defense, it's hard to get excited about shoe shopping with the woman who took you to the Daddy-Daughter Dinner Dance. 

*****

President Trump will host the President of China at his home in Mira Lago, Florida beginning later today. 

- When Trump found out the head of China's military would not attend the meeting, he Tweeted "General Tso's a CHICKEN!"

- Aides are worried about what he'll say since Trump tends to be "A Bull in a China Shop". 

*****

The New Zealand Postal Service is going to being home-delivering KFC fast food since actual mail delivery has been dwindling. 

- It's known as "Junk Food Mail". 

- Having KFC delivered to my door has always been on my Bucket List. 

*****

New York's State's highest court rule that police can seize your Facebook activity as evidence during a trial. 

- The people hit the hardest by the fb ruling will be Cat Burglars. 

*****

The Catholic Church is upset that candy maker Cadbury removed the word "Easter" from their annual Egg Hunt. 

- But they admitted they've got bigger fish to fry... and they'll be doing just that on Friday between 5 and 9pm! 

*****

A woman gave birth in the parking garage of a hospital in Fort Worth, Texas. 

- Her husband was going to drop her off at the front door, but it was blocked by protestors because of a Labor dispute. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick

Barry Manilow says he waited until he was in his 70's to publicly announce that he's gay and married to a man, because he "didn't want to disappoint female fans". 

- So now we know who he was hangin' out with during his "Weekend In New England". And it wasn't "Mandy". 

*****

Fashion Designers Dolce & Gabbana are being criticized for dressing Melania Trump in her first official portrait as First Lady. 

- There hasn't been this much ruckus over fashion-in-politics since J.C. Penney came under fire for dressing Mamie Eisenhower. 

*****

The U.S. says "The clock has run out" on verbal attempts to stop North Korea's Nuclear Missile Program and that "Everything is on the table". 

- Kim Jong Un says "Everything" is on his table too... but his looks more like an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet. 

*****

A global survey found that Canadian babies cry more than infants in any other country. 

- You'd cry too if you had to drink milk while your Mom and Dad were throwing back a Labatts. 

- It's easy to spot the little Canucks... their the ones wearing Toques and wailing "Waaaaaaa, eh? Waaaaaaaa, eh?"

*****

New research shows that the number of Americans in their late twenties and early thirties that still live with their parents has more than doubled since 1980.  

- On the bright side, the "Basement Finishing Business" is booming. 

*****

A company in Sweden is implanting it's employees with microchips that allow them to buy food and open doors with a swipe of their hand, but also records how often they come to work and how long they spend in the bathroom. 

- Sounds like the Swedish are Fishing for info on their workers.  

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick 

The Hollywood Wax Museum in Branson, Missouri is taking enough heat to melt it's exhibits for featuring wax figures of celebrities that visitors say are so bad, they're unrecognizable. 

- Kind of like Cher in real life. 

- BTW... That pic above is supposed to be of Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in "Titanic"? REALLY??? 

*****

A group of women in California dressed as Witches, danced around a cauldron and tried to put a hex on Donald Trump. 

- This is what happens when Barbra Streisand invites her girlfriends over for a glass of wine. 

- It was basically like an episode of "The View", but everybody wore a pointy black hat. 

*****

A new survey found that Millennials ranked Instagram as the most narcissistic form of social media. 

- And to show their disdain for it, they flooded Instagram with thousands of "unhappy face" selfies. 

*****

Alec Baldwin says he's going to retire his ratings-grabbing impersonation of Donald Trump on SNL when the show's season ends in May. 

- In other words, Alec wants a raise. 

*****

Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys, is calling for an end to league rules against players smoking pot. 

- Should be fun watching the smoke rise every time the players go into the huddle. 

*****

A major survey found that 63% of people over the age of 70 are happier than at any other point in their lives.

- Women credit the "Joys of being a grandparent" while the Men gave credit to "A Little Blue Pill". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick

Play Ball! The Tiger's kick off the 2017 season when they face White Sox in Chicago this afternoon... but heavy rains may delay the game... which can only mean one thing: Your first chance this year to watch reruns of the '68 and/or '84 Tiger World Series Championship Games! 

*****

President Trump says that if China won't step in and stop the North Korean Nuke Program, "We will". 

- Apparently he's not satisfied with China's plan to win KJU over with promises of "delicious chicken with Chef's special sauce!"

- Trump sent out a tweet calling the Chinese government "Almond Boneless and Spineless Chickens!"

*****

Joe Louis Arena made international news over the weekend, after comedian Mike Epps brought a live Kangaroo on stage during his show, outraging animal activists. But "Skippy" got the last laugh by punching Epps in the face. 

- Epps later apologized and treated Skippy to dinner at the Outback Steakhouse. 

- I thought kangaroos only showed up at Hip-Hop shows. 

*****

Social Media went crazy claiming that Kim Kardashian was "attacked" by a man outside a restaurant in L.A. But Kim tweeted that the man had simply walked into a nearby "Parking Meater" by accident.  

- Yes... "Parking Meater". It seems Kim's lack of talent extends to spelling. 

*****

Happy Birthday to Doris Day who was supposed to be turning 93 today... but the recent discovery of a copy of her Birth Certificate proved that she's actually 95. 

- Doris said, "Que Sera, Sera. However Old You'll Be, You'll Be". 

*****

A small study shows that drinking a cup of coffee 5 minutes before you take a 15 minute nap will make you feel more alert when you wake up. 

- Also during the 15 minutes you're lying there unable to fall asleep. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick