MSNBC's Rachel Maddow made a huge deal last night out of the fact that she had exclusively obtained Donald Trump's tax return. It turned out to be from 2005 and showed thatTrump paid a tax rate of 25%... giving the IRS $38 Million on earnings of $150 Million... a higher rate than MSNBC paid (24%). President Obama paid 19%, and Bernie Sanders 13%. 

- Rachel Maddow addressed the gaffe this morning at a media breakfast where she ate toast and the egg off her face. 

*****

On the other side of the Pond, Prince William left wife Kate Middleton and the kids at home for a weekend of dancing and partying with super models at a London nightclub.

- William waved off rumors that he was straying. Then again, he might just have been waving out of Royal habit. 

*****

A decades-long study found that people who have children live at least 2 years longer than their childless counterparts. 

- This means Angelina Jolie is gonna live forever. 

*****

Despite having her fashion line dropped by major retailers like Nordstrom, Ivanka Trump has seen a dramatic spike in sales of her clothes and shoes. 

- In a related story, "The Hillary Clinton Pantsuit Collection" barely has a leg to stand on. 

*****

The London Daily Mail is reporting that Kim Kardashian and her husband Kanye West went to a movie together. 

- A film crew was sent along to make a documentary about the date called "Really Dumb and Seriously Dumber". 

*****

A new study found that the best way to battle depression is to stay away from negative thoughts. 

- Put another way: Deactivate your Facebook account. 

*****

The National Enquirer is reporting that Marilyn Monroe once had a one-night-stand with actress Joan Crawford that ended in an epic feud. 

Apparently Joan got mad when Marilyn broke it off saying,  "Gentlewomen Prefer Blondes".

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick 

A new book called "The Bandstand Diaries" claims that most dancers on "American Bandstand" were gay, but Dick Clark kept it a secret because he thought it would hurt ratings. 

- As proof, producers say there were more hair styling products in the boys dressing room than the girls.  

*****

Trump aide Kellyanne Conway is taking major heat for saying the Democrats could have turned "microwaves into cameras" in Trump Tower to spy on her boss during the election. 

- And to think I can't even keep the clock on my microwave from blinking 12:00. 

- They also allegedly used the microwave to spy on Chris Christie, but he used it so much to reheat burritos, all the pictures were blurry. 

*****

A man in Maryland has created a snowplow using a motor, a snow-blower and a toilet - which he says works great up to 6 inches. 

- For 5 extra bucks, he'll even sign his work by writing his name in the snow. 

*****

The Kremlin has called a CNN documentary that claimed the Russians hacked into our election to insure a Trump victory "Hysterical". 

- And if anybody knows "funny", it's the people who brought us the KGB, The Berlin Wall and the Cold War. 

*****

The huge Nor'Eastern that was supposed to dump up to two feet of snow on DC turned out to be a bust. 

- However DC, as usual, is covered by two feet of Bull. 

*****

The body of Kim Jong Un's murdered brother has been embalmed in Malaysia because relatives in North Korea are too afraid to claim it for fear they'll be killed too. 

- If the press airs any more of KJL's dirty laundry, he's gonna have to head to the J.C. Penny Boy's Department for some new clothes. 

- KJU reminds me of John Boy Walton... except after saying goodnight to everybody, he has 'em whacked. 

*****

A new study found that the best way to battle depression is to stay away from negative thoughts. 

- Put another way: Deactivate your Facebook account. 

*****

The National Enquirer is reporting that Marilyn Monroe once had a one-night-stand with actress Joan Crawford that ended in an epic feud. 

- Apparently Joan got mad when Marilyn broke it off saying,  "Gentlewomen Prefer Blondes". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick

First Daughter Ivanka Trump is so popular in China that thousands of Chinese women are getting plastic surgery so they can look like her. 

- It's expensive, but luckily the womens' 5-yer-old kids bring in a pretty good salary from their factory jobs making Ivanka's dresses. 

*****

On this day in 1781, Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus. 

- Scientists recently discovered two giant moons circling the planet which they've named "Kim" and "Kardashian". 

*****

The Secret Service nabbed an intruded who was trying to sneak into the White House on Saturday morning. 

- Lucky for Hillary, they let her off with a warning. 

*****

Forecasters are asking people on the East Coast to stay home tomorrow in anticipation of an expected blizzard. 

- Democrats are accusing President Trump of colluding with Mother Nature to keep protesters at home. 

*****

Meanwhile Trump is taking heat from Democrats and the media for firing 46 Federal Prosecutors appointed by President Obama, but they're failing to mention that Bill Clinton fired 96 prosecutors when he took office. 

- With Bill's track record with women, you want to get rid of all the prosecutors you can. 

*****

Magician Chris Angel fainted while trying to escape a straight jacket, forcing producers to cancel his Las Vegas show 10 minutes after it started. 

- Producers said Chris "couldn't move a muscle" which is exactly what audience members in the theater next store said about Cher's face, but her concert went on without a hitch. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick

For the first time ever, Hollywood heavy hitters Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks will appear in a film together.

- No word yet on which accent Meryl will use. 

- The movie is tentatively being called "Sleepless In Madison County". 

*****

The latest issue of the ISIS months magazine offers up relationship advice warning women not to talk badly about their husbands or "co-wives" in public because Allah doesn't like it. 

- Look for next months cover story: "Spice Up Your Sex Life With A Sexy To-Die-For Suicide Vest!"

*****

Meanwhile military sources says ISIS has created a children's book that explains terrorism and recruits kids to the cause. 

- It's called "Curious George Joins the Jihad!".

*****

Despite having her fashion line dropped by major retailers like Nordstrom, Ivanka Trump has seen a dramatic spike in sales of her clothes and shoes. 

- In a related story, sales of "The Hillary Clinton Pantsuit Collection" are on the decline. 

*****

Courtney Love put up a Facebook post claiming that Marlon Brando is her Grandfather! Why?  Because he was living in the same building as her Grandmother when her mother was conceived. 

- That sound you hear is Ancestry.com blowing up. 

*****

Former President Obama has reportedly told friends that his relationship with Donald Trump is "unraveling". 

- Who among us hasn't lost a friend when we found out they were tapping our phone???

*****

Scientist have announced that it's possible for Potatoes to grow on Mars. 

- Tom Cruise was like, "Duh... What do you think I eat when I visit my Scientology Time-Share Vacation Home there???".

- Apparently they just came across some old photos sent back by Spud-nik. 

*****

Spend time tidying up clutter before guests arrive? Don't. A new study shows a messy house can make visitors feel better about their own less-than-perfect homes. 

- Unless, of course that "guest" is your mother-in-law, in which case you are screwed no matter what. 

*****

Breaking news... J-Lo is dating A-Rod. 

- The big question now is what do we call them? J-Rod? A-Lo? 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick

Jimmy Buffett announced that he's opening a $1 Billion retirement community in Daytona Beach, Florida. 

- He's calling it "Margarita-With-Metamucil-Ville". 

*****

The biggest Wikileaks document dump so far claims the CIA can hack into our Smartphones and even TV's to eves drop on what we're saying, doing, and watching. 

- I don't mind that the Government knows I watch "Jeopardy"... but it ticks me off that they know I only get about 10% of the questions right. 

*****

Woman across America are being encouraged to strike by staying home from work today and wearing Red to show solidarity during  "A Day Without Women".

- So today, for the first time in history, absolutely Nothing Will Happen In Vegas That Needs to Stay in Vegas.  

*****

The U.S. added a whopping 300,000 jobs in the month of February. 

- On the down side, most  of them are categorized as "Professional Unpaid Anti-Trump Protestors". 

*****

A YouGov survey found that 94% of Americans know what a "selfie" is.  

- And the other 6% think it's something that will make you go blind. 

*****

An Oregon State University study found that people are more productive at work if they've had sex the night before. 

- In a related story, Bill Clinton was just named "The Most Productive President in American History". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick

Barbra Streisand says that Donald Trump's Presidency has caused her to gain weight. 

- Barry Gibb says Barbra still looks "great" and has "Nothing to Feel Guilty Of". 

- Her manager says it's gotten so bad, even her husband James Brolin is now calling "Babs", "Flabs". 

- Look for her new singles "You Don't Bring Me Power Bars Anymore".

*****

Richard Simmon's publicist says that a new Podcast Series which claims Simmons is being held hostage by his female housekeeper is a "Load of crap" and that Richard has chosen to leave the public eye. 

- The last celeb to be captivated by a housekeeper was Arnold Swarzenegger, but unlike "The Terminator", I don't see Richard ending up with a "Love Child". 

*****

President Trump unveiled his new travel ban on Monday, and it no longer includes Iraq. 

- George W. Bush and Dick Cheney immediately re-booked their "Looking For Weapons Of Mass Destruction" Getaway to Baghdad. 

*****

The TSA announced that their pat downs are going to get more invasive after a study found that weapons were slipping past security. 

- If their pat downs get anymore invasive, agents are going to have to start sending passengers flowers the morning after their flights. 

*****

Meanwhile a Russian model claims she was recently detained at LAX airport in L.A. because they thought she was a spy. 

- Turns out her boobs were so big, they wanted to charge her for overweight carry-on baggage.

*****

The Defense Department is investigating a report that several Marines created a secret Facebook page to share photos of naked female Marines. 

- The DoD stumbled on the pics when they found a page called "Not All Of Us Are Looking For a Few Good Men". 

- Some are claiming this is "Fake News", but the truth is... You Can't Handle The Truth! 

*****

A Neilsen survey found that Donald Trump's joint address to Congress beat the Oscars in the ratings, 44 million to 33 million. 

- But the Oscars had a way more exciting ending. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Welcome to a new week...new "news"... and a brand new Podcast. First, the stories of the day...

Over the weekend, President Trump sent out a Tweet accusing President Obama of ordering wiretaps of the phones at Trump Tower during the campaign. 

- Vladimir Putin says it's not true, because he was wiretapping Obama and never heard him eavesdropping on Trump. 

- Obama Administration officials are also denying it, claiming the President was way to busy golfing to do something like that. 

*****

A Los Angeles man recently spent $50,000 on plastic surgery in an effort to look like a genderless alien. 

- In other words... There's a new Cher impersonator in L.A.

- He could have saved a boatload of money by buying a Star Trek Costume on e-Bay for $39.99. 

*****

Pope Francis says people should carry the Bible everywhere and treat it as if it were a Smartphone. 

- This gives a whole new meaning to "Answer the Calling". 

*****

A man in Texas has been arrested after being caught on camera by a neighbor trying to have sex with a fence. 

- Say what you will, the way things are today, it's just nice to see someone actually "on the fence" in this country instead of being on one side or the other.  

*****

And, as a Monday Bonus... Podcast #214. In this week's "Pod-i-sode", Jackie and I recap the 30th Annual Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon. We raised $1.3 Million thanks to all of you who donated! We also reveal how I single-handedly caused Jackie a HUGE morning radio job in NYC without even knowing it... plus she explains the most embarrassing moment EVER in her radio career.  And speaking of embarrassing moments - "The Oscar goes to..." 

So give Podcast #214 a listen (Warren Beatty recently announced that it's a real winner!), have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick

After 83 years with the Oscars, Price Waterhouse Cooper, the firm responsible for the Oscar fiasco, has been fired. 

- Great. And you thought the "In Memoriam" section was long this year. 

*****

Meanwhile, PWC accountants have hired bodyguards after getting threats from the public.   

- The bodyguards actually have day jobs... and are just "Moonlight"-ing. 

- This stuff could only happen in LaLaLand. 

- Where was the public outrage when "Anchorman 2" was released??? 

*****

A study by the University of Alberta found that Canada's public pools have over 20,000 gallons of urine in them. 

- Or as they call Urine in Canada, recycled Beer. 

*****

A video has gone viral of a 90 year old man named "Vern" celebrating his birthday by heading to the gym and doing 24 Pull Ups, which are incredibly hard. 

- While that's an impressive number, my 85 year old Dad told me on my Radio Show that he had once done 200 of them, and was named the "Pull Up Champ of Ohio". 

*****

The Obama's have signed a joint $65 Million book deal with Random House.

- In a related story, the Clinton's are hoping to win a $10 Million Prize from Publishers Clearing House.  

*****

Top Obama Advisor Valerie Jarrett has reportedly moved into their D.C. House to help the former President bring down Donald Trump.  

- She didn't do such a hot job of that when she lived in Obama's White House. 

*****

A company survey revealed that Apple has created 2 million jobs in the United States. 

- And not one of those jobs is held by the guy with the Indian accent named "Steve" who always answers the phone when I need tech support. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

President Trump wowed even a lot of Democrats last night with his first Prime Time address to Congress calling it "Uplifting" and "Presidential". The Prez was interrupted 58 times by standing ovations. 

- And just wait... this morning he'll probably send out a tweet claiming he was interrupted 458 times. 

*****

Meanwhile the former Governor of Kentucky, a Democrat, stunned viewers during his "Democrat Response" to Trump's speech when he called himself "a proud Republican". 

- Looks like Warren Beatty has been handing out more envelopes that we realized. 

*****

A group of women on the Democrat side of the aisle, including Nancy Pelosi, wore white to Trump's speech in support of women's issues. 

- It was a nice gesture, but apparently they aren't aware that you just DON'T wear white after Labor Day!

*****

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg did not attend President Obama's Address. 

- But to be fair, Tuesday is her regular Bingo Night. 

*****

The semi-celebrity cast of the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars includes former figure skater Nancy Kerrigan. 

- She's only been to one rehearsal and she's already complaining about a bad knee. 

- Producers say they considered having Nancy's rival Tonya Harding on as well, but say she's a "Whack Job". 

*****

A new dating app called LIME matches people up based on similar step-counts it reads on people's iPhone Health Apps. 

- What it can't predict is how fast she'll run away when she see's you don't look anything like your profile picture. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick 

It's Fat Tuesday! Which means Chris Christie will be headed to the White House for his weekly meeting with President Trump. 

***** 

Price Waterhouse Cooper has taken full responsibility for handing Warren Beatty the wrong envelope at the Oscars which led to him announcing the wrong movie as "Picture of the Year". 

- But the Democrats still think it was the Russians. 

*****

President Trump will address Congress for the first time ever tonight in a Prime Time speech. 

- He'll speak from 9 to 10pm... and at 10:01 he'll start Tweeting about how great his speech was. 

*****

The Oxford English Dictionary announced that they are adding the words "Cat Lady", "Drunk Text" and "Sausage Party" to it's newest edition. 

- If you take all three of them together... it sounds like the plot of a new Reality Show. 

*****

North Korea used anti-aircraft guns to execute 5 senior Military officials for allegedly turning in false reports. Meanwhile South Korea says Kim Jong Un was the one who ordered his brother's murder. 

- Sounds like somebody's going through another growth spurt. 

*****

More than 23 million people watched the Daytona 500 on Sunday. 

- Everything went well up until the moment Warren Beatty announced the wrong driver's name as the Winner. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick 

Hillary Clinton has attended 4 Broadway shows in the last 2 weeks... receiving a standing ovation each time.

- Meanwhile Bill was spotted at 4 Peep Shows in the last 2 weeks... and he gave each one a standing ovation. 

***** 

Chris Christie told his staff that he is taking a job at the White House. 

- Sources says he's going to be named "Secretary of Homeland Fried Foods". 

*****

The Today Show's Hoda Kotb has become a Mom for the first time at age 52 by adopting a baby girl. 

- Her co-host Kathy Lee said the joyous news made her "light-headed"... It was either that or the Vodka in her coffee cup. 

*****

According to a new study, kissing helps your teeth stay healthy by increasing saliva which washes away bacteria. 

- And nothing makes you want to pucker up like the thought of helping wash away the bacteria in your partner's mouth. 

*****

REMINDER: We’re just a few days away from the 30th Annual Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon! This Radiothon is the sole fundraiser to support this vital program that feeds more than 4000 men women & children in our area 365 days a year! And shelters almost 500 people a night! 

The entire 16 Hour Event will be broadcast on 760 WJR AM from 6am to 10pm LIVE from the Emagine Theater in Royal Oak THIS FRIDAY, Feb. 24! And I'll be manning the mic, along with all of "Purtan's People" for the 6PM to 10PM shift!

It’s hard to believe we started the Radiothon 30 years ago - even harder to believe is the thousands and thousands of lives that have been changed by your generosity. The Bed and Bread Program provides not only food and shelter, but also Hope for families, veterans, the homeless, the disadvantaged, the downtrodden, and the afflicted. 

You can even donate now, just go to salmich.org or call 1-248-528-0760. Operators are already on duty!

So I urge you to give whatever you can.  I guarantee you’ll be glad you did!

Thanks in advance!

-Dick

It's Presidents Day! The day we honor George Washington and Abraham Lincoln by closing Banks and Post Offices. And retailers honor Bill Clinton by offering Mattresses at 1/2 Off. 

*****

A study by McMaster University in Canada found that exercising for 30 minutes a week on a staircase can be just as beneficial as going to the gym 5 days a week. 

- The hard part is attaching the treadmill and stationary bike to your staircase. 

*****

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie revealed that he ate meatloaf during his recent visit to the White House because President Trump ordered him to eat it. 

- Right... Like Chris Christie has ever had to be "ordered" to eat anything. 

*****

George Michael's funeral has been postponed again so doctors can perform more tests on his body. 

- Some say they'll never figure out his cause of death, but doctors say "You've Gotta Have Faith". 

*****

Coleman Young Jr. announced plans to follow in his father's footsteps and run to become the next Mayor of the City of Detroit.

- Apparently the Kruggerand doesn't fall far from the Tree. 

*****

And how about this for a segue? Coleman Young Senior may be deceased, but he'll be one of the many guests stopping by this Friday during the 30th Annual Salvation Army Radiothon benefiting the Bed & Bread Club! The 16-Hour event will be broadcast LIVE from 6am to 10pm on 760 AM WJR from the Emagine Theater in Royal Oak THIS FRIDAY, February 24th. I'll be hosting the 6PM to 10PM slot along with all of "Purtan's People"! This is THE fundraiser for the Bed & Bread program that feeds many thousands of Men, Women and Children in Metro-Detroit EVERY DAY, 365 Days a year... and shelters almost 500 people every night. I hope you'll tune in on Friday, and more importantly, I hope you'll donate! You can even do it now by calling 248-528-0760 or go to salmich.org. Whatever you can give will be greatly appreciated! 

Thanks so much! 

-Dick

Welcome to Thursday and Podcast #213! With the 30th Annual Salvation Army Radiothon for the Bed & Bread Club just a week away, Jackie and I welcome Dale Johnson to the Purtan Family Dining Room Table. Dale's been my right-hand man for the Big Event for three decades! We give you all the details... and touch on a few other topics as well, including how Garbage Day has helped keep me on track during my "retirement", and how Jackie's 15 year old son Charlie has made it 6 months into High School without ever going to his locker. 

Now just in case you don't have time to listen to the Podcast right now... here are some crib notes on the 16-Hour Radiothon: 

* Friday, February 24th 

* Broadcast LIVE on 760 WJR AM from 6am to 10pm from the Emagine Theater in Royal Oak

* I'll be hosting the 6pm to 10pm slot along with Big Al, Jackie & all of "Purtan's People"

* The Radiothon raises money for the Bed & Bread Club which feeds THOUSANDS of men, women and children in Metro Detroit EVERY DAY, 365 DAYS A YEAR. 

* You can even donate NOW by calling 248-528-0760 or by going to salmich.org or wjr.com 

As you know, The Bed & Bread program is near and dear to my heart... and anything you can afford to give will be greatly appreciated! 

Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow!

-Dick

A German Shepherd named "Rumor" took "Best in Show" honors at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show last night. 

- President Trump was pulling for what he called, "The stronger Border Collie".

*****

Meanwhile Trump accused U.S. Intelligence Agencies of leaking classified info to the press "like candy" amid allegations that his campaign had ongoing contact with the Russians before Election Day. 

- Trump denies contact with the Russians, but then mistakenly tweeted that he was "Putin all his efforts into Making America Great Again". 

*****

The New York Times reprimanded a reporter for calling First Lady Melania Trump a "Hooker". 

- From now on, the reporter will be required to refer to her as "The President's Escort". 

*****

Colombian authorities estimate vast amounts of cocaine were smuggled out of their country in Valentine's Flowers, leading to women getting coke-laced bouquets.  

- Roses are Red, Violets are Blue... If your wife Snorted her flowers, She got one too!

*****

Firefighters in Great Britain had to free 102 people from handcuffs due to a rise in "Fifty Shades of Grey" fantasies on Valentine's Day. 

- Proving that the Key to successfully using handcuffs during sexy-time is remembering where you put the Key. 

*****

A study by the Champion Newspaper found that there are over 140 languages spoken in one Georgia school district. 

- And not one of them is English. 

*****

Kim Jong-Un's half-brother was poisoned and killed by female assassins in Malaysia. 

- Nice to see KJU is giving more high level jobs to Women! 

*****

REMINDER: Our 30th Annual 16-Hour Salvation Army Radiothon for the Bed & Bread Club is a week from Friday, Feb. 24th! This is the yearly event to raise funds to feed many thousands of people in Metro-Detroit, everyday - 365 days a year. It will be broadcast live from the Emagine Theater in Royal Oak all day on 760 WJR AM. I'll be doing the 6pm to 10pm portion, along with all of "Purtan's People". The donation line is open even now... Just call 248-528-0760 or go to salmich.org. 

Thanks so much and have a great day! 

-Dick

It's Valentine's Day! The Day first made famous when Marcel Marceau thought outside the box and sent his girlfriend some candy hearts reading "Be Mime".

*****

A survey by the National Retail Federation found that 55% of Americans will take part in Valentine's Day today. 

- The other 45% will be tossed a pillow by their wife and told to go sleep on the couch.  

*****

Burger King in Israel is offering "Adult Meals" today... which include two Whoppers, two Fries, two Beers and a Sex Toy. 

- If the promotion works, a few years from now, those same customers will be over at McDonald's ordering a "Kid's Meal". 

- Sex Toy or not... chances are if you take your Valentine to Burger King the luckiest you're gonna get is if they get your order right. 

*****

Former President Obama has set up a non-profit organization that aims to combat Donald Trumps attempts to undo his legacy. 

- It's called "Make the Obama Presidency Great Again". 

*****

Just in time for Valentine's Day... Playboy Magazine announced that they're bringing Naked pics back following a steep decrease in sales.  

- I'm shocked! You mean people DON'T really just read it for the articles??? 

*****

The New York Times is criticizing "Saturday Night Live" for attacking Donald Trump to the point of exhaustion. 

- Pot... I'd like you to meet Kettle. 

*****

A team of researchers in Saudi Arabia have create a self-destructing phone that can explode in ten seconds so your personal information isn't compromised. 

- Hillary Clinton said, "Would it have killed you to come up with a self-destructing email server a few months ago?" 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

Aretha Franklin announced that after a few live performances for her new album next fall, she'll be retiring from giving concerts. 

- She's had a brilliant career... and I say "Hat's off to her!" 

- Aretha's exact quote was "R-E-T-I-R-E-D... That is what I plan to be! Sock it to me...Sock it to Me... Sock it to me..."

*****

Kwame Kilpatrick's lawyer has filed a motion to have the Kwaminator's $1.6 Million restitution to the city of Detroit reduced or eliminated because it was based on faulty math. 

- If good math had been used, that number would be a lot higher. 

- This makes me nostalgic for a song we wrote and used to play on my radio show: "Super-Cali-Fraga-Kwame-Pay-Your-Restitution!"

*****

Disney announced that it's Star Wars theme parks are set to open in 2019.

- Which is great because it gives Trekkies a full two years to try and find a girl willing to go out in public with them. 

***** 

The latest sequel to "Fifty Shades of Grey" hits theaters today. It's called "Fifty Shades Darker".

- It tells the story of George Hamilton's love affair with a Tanning Booth. 

*****

A new study found that the average employee spends two hours of their work day talking or reading about politics. 

- Researchers thought the workers were "informed" until they realized they spent those two hours on Facebook. 

*****

Wikipedia has barred the "Daily Mail" from being cited as a reliable source by it's volunteer editors because they claim it makes up stories.  

- Or as Kellyanne Conway called them, "alternative facts". 

*****

Judy Garland's ex-husband claims she was assaulted by several actors who played Munchkins in "The Wizard of Oz". 

- The Cowardly Lion reportedly knew about it, but didn't have the Courage to say anything. 

- If it's true, we now know where the line "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain" came from. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick 

Willie Nelson has cancelled three recent concerts due to health concerns. 

- Apparently he's suffering from Joint pain. 

- Doctors are Weeding through his symptoms to come up with a diagnosis. 

*****

An Etiquette expert says that posting pictures of what you're having for dinner and putting up romantic relationship milestones make you look "common" in the social media world. 

- Fortunately, it's still okay to put up pics of your cat wearing a Donald Trump wig. 

*****

Leaks from the White House claim that President Trump called and woke up a Military Advisor for economic advice in the middle of the night. 

- He should have called Hillary. She said she'd always be ready to take a call at 3am.  

*****

Scientists claim that listening to your favorite song releases the same "feel good" chemicals in your system that having sex does. 

- This finally explains why some people feel randy when they hear "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald". 

*****

A study out of Finland found that pregnant women who eat black licorice give birth to babies with lower IQ's. 

- And expecting women who eat Snickers give birth to kids with a better sense of humor. 

*****

A new app called Data-Dress would allow a fashion company to access the info on your phone and use it to design a dress based on how you live your life. 

- The best part is they'll have access to your financial info so they'll know how much to charge you. 

*****

The man who is the current favorite to become the next President of France is being accused of having a affair with a Man, despite being married to a Woman for ten years. 

- They don't call it "Gay Paree" for nothing. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick

Queen Elizabeth marked 65 years on the throne yesterday. 

- And she celebrated by declaring it "National Preparation H Day". 

*****

President Trump reportedly left his own Super Bowl Party early and didn't see the Patriots win with their epic comeback. 

- A similar thing happened to Hillary Clinton when she went to bed early on Election Night. 

*****

Hawaii is considering a bill that would legalize Prostitution. 

- I thought those lei's they give everyone when they get off the plane were Complimentary. 

*****

A group at the University of Central Florida has organized a "Fight Club" designed to teach liberal students how to beat up Republicans on campus. 

- But participants still go home on the weekends to have Mom do their laundry. 

*****

A new study found that Meditation is more effective than prescription drugs at treating anxiety. 

- But most people can't relax enough to meditate unless they pop a Xanax. 

*****

Showbiz insiders say Lady Gaga's Super Bowl performance has reignited her career. 

- Awesome! So now she can trade her Sirloin dress in for one made from Filet Mignon! 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick 

Welcome to Podcast #212... Today Jackie and I welcome a special guest - my daughter (and her sister!) JoAnne to the Purtan Dining Room Table. Actually, JoAnne wasn't exactly seated at the table... but was laying on the floor while we recorded. She'll explain why. And if you thought she looked a little green broadcasting on Channel 7 last week... you were right. But when they say "Lights... Camera..." you gotta spring into "Action!". Speaking of "the Show Must Go On"... Jackie tells a story from her days in the Original Cast of the The Detroit Second City that shows just how far one person went to make sure that happened.

And of course we talk about the BIG Show! The 30 Annual 16-Hour Salvation Army Radiothon benefiting the Bed and Bread Club! It's coming up on Friday, February 24th and will be broadcast Live from the Emagine Theater in Royal Oak on WJR 760 AM from 6am to 10pm.

I'llbe hosting the 6pm to 10pm slot along with Big Al, Jackie and the rest of Purtan's People. I hope you'll tune in... but more importantly, I hope you'll donate! You can even do it right now by going to Salmich.org or by calling 248-528-0760! 

More on that... and lots of other good stuff in Podcast #212.  

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick