Jill Biden - Joe’s wife - says Americans may not like her husband, but since he’s their best bet to beat Prez Trump, they should “swallow hard and vote for him”.

- Well that slogan’s gonna look great on a hat.


In a trailer for the new season of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” Kim Kardashian admitted that Paris Hilton inspired her career.

- Paris also inspired the “Burning Man” rock festival - which is actually a support group for all the guys who’ve Dated her.


A new study claims that mothers who consume fluoride during pregnancy will have children with lower IQ’s.

- It’s especially bad if you use fluorinated toothpaste on your Wisdom Teeth.


Six people ranging in age from 62 to 85 are facing sex charges. Police say the five men and an 85-year-old woman were involved in lewd and sexual activity in a public park.

- Witnesses thought they were making out… but it turns out they were just doing CPR on each other.


Officials at AREA 51 are worried too many people will show up to the Government’s secret air force base on Sept. 20 where it’s believed UFO’s are kept.

- So all attendees will have to show proof of citizenship because the last thing they want is a bunch of Aliens showing up.


A raccoon-like animal called a Kinkajou fought its way into a Florida home and attacked it’s unsuspecting owner.

- Zookeepers say Kinkajou’s are usually peaceful creatures… but it turns out he and the homeowner got into an argument about President Trump.


Insiders say 85 year old Larry King’s marriage to his 59 year old wife Shawn ended in a “huge fight” over who does what.

- When they married 22 years ago, they agreed that he’d continue his TV career and she’d have kids and change diapers. She didn’t realize they’d be LARRY’S Diapers.


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!