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Jill Biden - Joe’s wife - says Americans may not like her husband, but since he’s their best bet to beat Prez Trump, they should “swallow hard and vote for him”.

- Well that slogan’s gonna look great on a hat.

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In a trailer for the new season of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” Kim Kardashian admitted that Paris Hilton inspired her career.

- Paris also inspired the “Burning Man” rock festival - which is actually a support group for all the guys who’ve Dated her.

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A new study claims that mothers who consume fluoride during pregnancy will have children with lower IQ’s.

- It’s especially bad if you use fluorinated toothpaste on your Wisdom Teeth.

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Six people ranging in age from 62 to 85 are facing sex charges. Police say the five men and an 85-year-old woman were involved in lewd and sexual activity in a public park.

- Witnesses thought they were making out… but it turns out they were just doing CPR on each other.

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Officials at AREA 51 are worried too many people will show up to the Government’s secret air force base on Sept. 20 where it’s believed UFO’s are kept.

- So all attendees will have to show proof of citizenship because the last thing they want is a bunch of Aliens showing up.

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A raccoon-like animal called a Kinkajou fought its way into a Florida home and attacked it’s unsuspecting owner.

- Zookeepers say Kinkajou’s are usually peaceful creatures… but it turns out he and the homeowner got into an argument about President Trump.

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Insiders say 85 year old Larry King’s marriage to his 59 year old wife Shawn ended in a “huge fight” over who does what.

- When they married 22 years ago, they agreed that he’d continue his TV career and she’d have kids and change diapers. She didn’t realize they’d be LARRY’S Diapers.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

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